Rustic mountain wedding invitations
EIGHT DAYS UNTIL TRAINING!
2023.03.26 08:35 ManicMelancho1ic EIGHT DAYS UNTIL TRAINING!
As the title suggests, I only have eight days until my first day of training with a Canadian airline on Mon Apr 3! It has been quite a long process and I’m so happy I’ve made it this far. After many years of working in fast food, I’ve finally been able to make a successful career change from making Big Macs to flying high in the sky. I’m so proud of myself to soon be able to call myself a Flight Attendant at 19 years old, and it has been a dream since I was in elementary school. Here’s my timeline if anyone’s interested:
Mon Feb 6 - Applied via website
Tue Feb 7 - Online assessment
Thu Feb 9 - Video interview offer
Fri Feb 10 - Accepted V.I. offer
Mon Feb 13 - Did my V.I., and got an offer to go to their F2F
Tue Feb 21 - Did my F2F
Fri Feb 24 - Invite to training
Mon Feb 27 - Official CJO 🎉
Fri Mar 17 - Uniform fitting and drug test
Wed Mar 22 - Background check and fingerprinting
Mon Apr 3 - FIRST DAY OF TRAINING 😁🤙
submitted by ManicMelancho1ic to cabincrewcareers [link] [comments]
Mon Feb 6 - Applied via website
Tue Feb 7 - Online assessment
Thu Feb 9 - Video interview offer
Fri Feb 10 - Accepted V.I. offer
Mon Feb 13 - Did my V.I., and got an offer to go to their F2F
Tue Feb 21 - Did my F2F
Fri Feb 24 - Invite to training
Mon Feb 27 - Official CJO 🎉
Fri Mar 17 - Uniform fitting and drug test
Wed Mar 22 - Background check and fingerprinting
Mon Apr 3 - FIRST DAY OF TRAINING 😁🤙
2023.03.26 08:25 Dinkerton2000 Is unfriending someone mean?
I've been chatting with a woman for the last month and a half, and we'd say good morning to each other every day and chat a bit. We ended up hanging out on discord once and played a video game together and it was really fun. Anyways, she never followed up on another invite to do it again, so i figured, okay, she isnt interested, ill back off, but she would continue to message me every morning and we'd still chat.
Anyways, I ended up asking her "When we going to play more video games together" and she responded "hopefully soon!" And for some reason I got tilted and unfriended her. I feel kinda guilty because she didn't do anything wrong, but I just got tired of all the small talk and "probably" and hopefully soon" and feeling rejected when asking to hang out.
Am I in the wrong here?
submitted by Dinkerton2000 to NoStupidQuestions [link] [comments]
Anyways, I ended up asking her "When we going to play more video games together" and she responded "hopefully soon!" And for some reason I got tilted and unfriended her. I feel kinda guilty because she didn't do anything wrong, but I just got tired of all the small talk and "probably" and hopefully soon" and feeling rejected when asking to hang out.
Am I in the wrong here?
2023.03.26 07:45 Potential-Drag-1602 سأصمم بطاقة دعوة زفاف مخصصة وجذابة أو أي دعوة مع الرسم التوضيحي لجعل يومك مميزًا للغاية
 | submitted by Potential-Drag-1602 to u/Potential-Drag-1602 [link] [comments] |
2023.03.26 07:43 Strategis [Event] The Feast of Silverhill
Sixth Moon;
Silverhill alight with laughter; roaring with feasting; drinks passed by every table, and servants mixed through throngs of revelers base and noble; it was a lovely evening, with the sunset smiling through the windows and skylights. The castle was truly magnificent, the Great Hall am architectural wonder built and maintained by generations of luck and self serving silver.
To honor his guests, Loren displayed banners of Serrett, and all houses that had attended the feast. A motley of colors, yes; perhaps a bit gaudy; or a bit generous. Depending on who you asked. The Lorrd of Silverhill covered himself in fine silks; blends of sapphire in his cloak, with glitterings of silver too. Feather and twinkle rounded a blue doublet, that was accented with chocolate brown gloves.
Guests were escorted, and encouraged, about Silverhill’s halls to and invited to mingle through the castle’s many dining rooms; Silverhill’s lord was a notorious host, and spared no expense with feast. Each table, among dozens, was lined with fresh food and hot game: roast boar; fried venison, and a rabbit stew. Alongside such offerings was a massive menagerie of red and honeyed wine.
As the meal progressed, servants and attendants invited the revelers to wander about the gardens; or scour about in hideaways adorned in the whispering marble of Silverhill’s many statuettes; perhaps even to dance within the mazes of no end; anything and everything was permitted, if given the blessing of the moon and the stars. A simple way of saying; Loren ordered the sentries to keep their secrets.
Three string quartets played alongside a feather of flutes and harp, below a marble font amongst the hedging. The musicians from Loren’s wedding; a band of bards he had since housed in his court, for the entertainment of noble guests and privileged travelers alike.
The reflecting pool stayed silent too, as cherries wept. a statue, crying unto a fountain, tears slowly filling the pool below. To its opposite: a weirwood. With tears of red.
Loren smiled. He laughed. He drank wine; he wanted to remember, but would probably forget.
submitted by Strategis to u/Strategis [link] [comments]
Silverhill alight with laughter; roaring with feasting; drinks passed by every table, and servants mixed through throngs of revelers base and noble; it was a lovely evening, with the sunset smiling through the windows and skylights. The castle was truly magnificent, the Great Hall am architectural wonder built and maintained by generations of luck and self serving silver.
To honor his guests, Loren displayed banners of Serrett, and all houses that had attended the feast. A motley of colors, yes; perhaps a bit gaudy; or a bit generous. Depending on who you asked. The Lorrd of Silverhill covered himself in fine silks; blends of sapphire in his cloak, with glitterings of silver too. Feather and twinkle rounded a blue doublet, that was accented with chocolate brown gloves.
Guests were escorted, and encouraged, about Silverhill’s halls to and invited to mingle through the castle’s many dining rooms; Silverhill’s lord was a notorious host, and spared no expense with feast. Each table, among dozens, was lined with fresh food and hot game: roast boar; fried venison, and a rabbit stew. Alongside such offerings was a massive menagerie of red and honeyed wine.
As the meal progressed, servants and attendants invited the revelers to wander about the gardens; or scour about in hideaways adorned in the whispering marble of Silverhill’s many statuettes; perhaps even to dance within the mazes of no end; anything and everything was permitted, if given the blessing of the moon and the stars. A simple way of saying; Loren ordered the sentries to keep their secrets.
Three string quartets played alongside a feather of flutes and harp, below a marble font amongst the hedging. The musicians from Loren’s wedding; a band of bards he had since housed in his court, for the entertainment of noble guests and privileged travelers alike.
The reflecting pool stayed silent too, as cherries wept. a statue, crying unto a fountain, tears slowly filling the pool below. To its opposite: a weirwood. With tears of red.
Loren smiled. He laughed. He drank wine; he wanted to remember, but would probably forget.
2023.03.26 07:36 2008ChryslerSebring Does he (27m) like me (27f)?
I am trying to figure out if the guy I have a crush on likes me back. Backstory first: met him in the fall and formed a small friend group with him and a few others in the fall. Realized I liked him around OctobeNovember. Since then, I've had a crush on him.
Now we spend so much time together, whether in the group setting (going on hikes, dinners, fun activities around town), or alone. Here lately I have been getting more bold with him and in return I have been getting different vibes from him.
Some stuff for context below:
submitted by 2008ChryslerSebring to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
Now we spend so much time together, whether in the group setting (going on hikes, dinners, fun activities around town), or alone. Here lately I have been getting more bold with him and in return I have been getting different vibes from him.
Some stuff for context below:
- Generally, we spend several hours a week walking around town just the 2 of us, just wandering around and getting miles in seems to be a common thing
- About a month ago, I was at his apartment while he was fixing my computer (he offered) and as I was leaving, he asked me to go to a nice theatre event the next day, since he had 2 tickets and nobody to go with. I said "just the 2 of us??" and he said "yes". So I agreed. The next day, we went to a group event earlier in the day, and there was a larger second group event planned after that. One mutual friend who was there made a comment saying "Oh I don't think he can come to [second event], he has a date later! He was in earshot of this comment and didn't deny but I also didn't say anything since I knew she was referring to the "date" with me later. I never questioned him on this though. So that night we go to the event and grab dinner at a fairly nice restaurant downtown and he picks up the entire $125 bill. During the show and dinner, I wouldn't say that I got romantic vibes but after consulting a friend (not in the group so she doesn't know him), she told me "girl that was definitely a date". After we got back to his place (where I met so we could carpool into the city), I went home and that was that. There was a slight moment in his car when we parked but no hugs or anything, but I texted later that night saying we should do more 1x1 stuff and he agreed
- More recently this week, I spent several hours walking around with him and another friend, and once we broke off from the other guy, we went back to his place where I had parked (closer to the downtown area than my house). We came up on his apartment and I could tell it seemed like he didn't want to stop talking so he invited me in for something to drink. This was around 11:30 PM. I ended up staying until 2 am. We talked for ages about randomness, he tried to feed me some soup, (I was full so said no thank you -- but he did use the phrase "next time" regarding me trying the soup(aka coming over again)) and I played some songs on his piano and he played me some back. He also showed me the entirety of his apartment including his bedroom and another room that was previously shut the other time that I visited. This is relevant, because to me, he seems really private and closed off and in showing me those parts of his home, I feel like I've made progress with him. In terms of physicality and body language, it was mixed. When sitting on his couch talking, he was close by but not necessarily touching, but he also didn't shy away if I sat super close to him. Then he was showing me some fidget trinkets on a shelf and I tried to figure one out and he did the thing where the guy grabs the girl's hands and guides her using his hands. Then at the same time, we would stand up and talk to each other but we'd stand anywhere from 3-6 feet apart?? But I did feel a "vibe" in the air if that makes sense. When I got ready to leave and he didn't go in for a hug (but neither did I since I was so nervous to death, and didn't want to spoil if it was just friend vibes).
- there are also a ton of other little details:
- lots of eye contact
- I got new glasses and have received several compliments from him, semi-solicited (me mentioning the glasses and getting used to them and him saying "they fit you perfectly" and other things)
- inside jokes with each other
- his thoughtfulness about details I've mentioned in the past: I don't like X food so he'll order some thing with X removed/on the side so I can enjoy it too (if it's for the table)
- lending me books
- just generally remembering details about me that I've just mentioned in passing/seem inconsequential
- he does photography as a hobby and on group outings has offered to take pics of me (and the others) but he seems to enjoy doing this and then he'll send them to me after editing
- he also asked me to a fancy sushi meal with another guy friend of his that I've met a few times (potentially a double date?? I know this guy has been trying to date around), but that is yet to be scheduled
2023.03.26 07:08 Skvvppie AITA For Telling My Aunt She Can’t Bring a 4 Month Baby to My Wedding
So, I was raised by my grandmother and aunt. My aunt married her husband and they’ve been trying for a baby for 10+ years. She had the baby and the wedding is in 4 months. She is older 45+ and raised me growing up but there was a lot of verbal/mental abuse and lack of care for mental health I endured.
We recently sent out invitations to my wedding which is in a small venue from 10-3pm and I’ve been VERY clear about my “no babies/kids” at the wedding as my fiancé and I both lots of cousins and small children. We have a mariachi, and lots of other things planned which would set off ANY baby.
My family nor his is paying for ANY of the wedding. We have completely paid for it. I got a angry call from said aunt about how she doesn’t trust anyone watching the baby, and how if she can’t bring her then she won’t be coming. It sucks because this lady raised me and I love her and I miss the good times, but it’s not fair to not allow everyones but HER kid. We aren’t even inviting my child brothers.
Her argument is that the baby is like my sister because she raised me, and while I do adore the baby- I think this is BS. I get how scary it can be to be a first time mom, but she is a control monster and I made my ruling.
AITA?
submitted by Skvvppie to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]
We recently sent out invitations to my wedding which is in a small venue from 10-3pm and I’ve been VERY clear about my “no babies/kids” at the wedding as my fiancé and I both lots of cousins and small children. We have a mariachi, and lots of other things planned which would set off ANY baby.
My family nor his is paying for ANY of the wedding. We have completely paid for it. I got a angry call from said aunt about how she doesn’t trust anyone watching the baby, and how if she can’t bring her then she won’t be coming. It sucks because this lady raised me and I love her and I miss the good times, but it’s not fair to not allow everyones but HER kid. We aren’t even inviting my child brothers.
Her argument is that the baby is like my sister because she raised me, and while I do adore the baby- I think this is BS. I get how scary it can be to be a first time mom, but she is a control monster and I made my ruling.
AITA?
2023.03.26 07:06 glacinda Anyone else burned by their cousins?
I (36F only child) found out tonight that while I was at my lowest low, my maternal first cousins (36F and 31 F), who had been my “best friends” since birth, and their friends were constantly talking shit about me behind my back when I was suicidal.
Long story short, I have been NC with NarcMother and NC with EFather (divorced since 2000) since 2014 and 2020, respectively. But I always tried to maintain a cordial, if distant, relationship with my maternal family (no family really paternally after grandparents died).
I grew up with my cousin who was 3 months older than me. She was the blonde GC and I was the, almost literally, red-headed “stepchild” scapegoat of the family. I was so jealous of her but never ever told anyone because I just wanted my family to love me. I constantly received the feedback that I wasn’t as good but tried to brush it off. Re-reading my middle and high school diaries is painful bec of how jealous I was of her. Fast forward 20 years and we’re young adults. We hung out as friends because I assumed we liked each other. But I always felt like something was wrong. I didn’t know I was autistic at the time but looking back, I was desperately suicidal and just wanted somebody, anybody, to love me.
A friend told me tonight that my cousin and her friends constantly made fun of me behind my back during this entire time. And it makes me so sad and enraged. I was always lesser than in our family But she brought that to the friend group as well? She did a few other things that made me cut all ties in the mid 10s but I never knew about this. So what did she think when I unfriended/blocked her on all social media? Did she have a clue? Never an apology or anything. Nothing!
Maybe this is totally on me for never saying anything, but finding this out tonight makes me hurt for my past self in a way I didn’t think possible. I was so lonely and to know the person I thought was my best friend made fun of me, used me as joke material for her “better” friends… I can’t even explain the betrayal I feel. I sucked it up when every one of my crushes like her and not me, I took it in stride when my family called me “elitist” and “stuck up” for going to a top 15 college out of state while she stayed home and went to the local university. I tolerated being belittled as child because I was stubborn and difficult compared to her.
But I can’t deal with this right now. I literally mailed my wedding reception invites TODAY and I wish I could take back hers and her sister’s. I’m so hurt. My poor husband has helped me to deal with all of this. He doesn’t deserve such a mentally ill and unwanted wife.
I do not know what to do with myself. I have been passive my entire life to all the abuse (I’m sure my posting history goes through what I’ve gone through with my own nuclear family) and I’m done. Her and her friends making fun of me lost me a potential relationship at that time that sent me even further into a depressive spiral and I had no idea. I’m so done with my entire family and I just need to hear I’m not crazy.
submitted by glacinda to JUSTNOFAMILY [link] [comments]
Long story short, I have been NC with NarcMother and NC with EFather (divorced since 2000) since 2014 and 2020, respectively. But I always tried to maintain a cordial, if distant, relationship with my maternal family (no family really paternally after grandparents died).
I grew up with my cousin who was 3 months older than me. She was the blonde GC and I was the, almost literally, red-headed “stepchild” scapegoat of the family. I was so jealous of her but never ever told anyone because I just wanted my family to love me. I constantly received the feedback that I wasn’t as good but tried to brush it off. Re-reading my middle and high school diaries is painful bec of how jealous I was of her. Fast forward 20 years and we’re young adults. We hung out as friends because I assumed we liked each other. But I always felt like something was wrong. I didn’t know I was autistic at the time but looking back, I was desperately suicidal and just wanted somebody, anybody, to love me.
A friend told me tonight that my cousin and her friends constantly made fun of me behind my back during this entire time. And it makes me so sad and enraged. I was always lesser than in our family But she brought that to the friend group as well? She did a few other things that made me cut all ties in the mid 10s but I never knew about this. So what did she think when I unfriended/blocked her on all social media? Did she have a clue? Never an apology or anything. Nothing!
Maybe this is totally on me for never saying anything, but finding this out tonight makes me hurt for my past self in a way I didn’t think possible. I was so lonely and to know the person I thought was my best friend made fun of me, used me as joke material for her “better” friends… I can’t even explain the betrayal I feel. I sucked it up when every one of my crushes like her and not me, I took it in stride when my family called me “elitist” and “stuck up” for going to a top 15 college out of state while she stayed home and went to the local university. I tolerated being belittled as child because I was stubborn and difficult compared to her.
But I can’t deal with this right now. I literally mailed my wedding reception invites TODAY and I wish I could take back hers and her sister’s. I’m so hurt. My poor husband has helped me to deal with all of this. He doesn’t deserve such a mentally ill and unwanted wife.
I do not know what to do with myself. I have been passive my entire life to all the abuse (I’m sure my posting history goes through what I’ve gone through with my own nuclear family) and I’m done. Her and her friends making fun of me lost me a potential relationship at that time that sent me even further into a depressive spiral and I had no idea. I’m so done with my entire family and I just need to hear I’m not crazy.
2023.03.26 06:59 TheGummpnong People in the US, what's the cost of a custom wedding e-invitations and/or Save the Dates with a caricature of the couple?
submitted by TheGummpnong to AskReddit [link] [comments]
2023.03.26 06:44 throway57818 AITA for refusing to pay the table
It was my Nephews birthday party last week, so we bought him a gift. Our agreed upon rule is that we spend a maximum of $50 for birthdays and special events because we have quite a few nephews and nieces. They either get a cool gift or $50 cash, and I really take effort in this by looking out for sales - value of which often exceeds the amount paid. All nieces/nephews are treated equally no matter who they’re genetically related to.
So this time our nephew’s birthday was hosted at a restaurant where their parents invited a bunch of friends and family. Toward the end of night my spouse says “give me the $100 in your pocket to pay the table.” (Edit: meaning to cover the cost of your meal) I outright refused because we had already brought a gift. For birthdays, we spend a max of $50, no matter where it’s hosted.
My spouse was adamant and kept insisting within earshot of others, their related family, and I still refused to hand it over. This was not a wedding and we already bought a gift. We have a shared account but I argued that that also means that it’s my money as well - so I also have a say and can refuse. After which I chose to ignore them and their constant insistence to leave $100 in addition to the gift
TLDR: nephews birthday was hosted at a restaurant. We already bought a gift, and my spouse wanted to leave a hundred to “pay the table” (cover the meal) and I effectively said hell no
My spouse’s argument was that our account is shared and I had no place to refuse, and also that it was our nephew.
My argument was that we hosted a similar type of party and also expected no one to pay (and no one did), and in addition the fact that it’s a shared account means that I have a say as well
Edit: To add further clarification, it was a huge party and no one was expected to pitch in - there is no disagreement there. It was understood that the hosts were covering the party and we were invited along with others for what was effectively a birthday party, only at a restaurant
submitted by throway57818 to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]
So this time our nephew’s birthday was hosted at a restaurant where their parents invited a bunch of friends and family. Toward the end of night my spouse says “give me the $100 in your pocket to pay the table.” (Edit: meaning to cover the cost of your meal) I outright refused because we had already brought a gift. For birthdays, we spend a max of $50, no matter where it’s hosted.
My spouse was adamant and kept insisting within earshot of others, their related family, and I still refused to hand it over. This was not a wedding and we already bought a gift. We have a shared account but I argued that that also means that it’s my money as well - so I also have a say and can refuse. After which I chose to ignore them and their constant insistence to leave $100 in addition to the gift
TLDR: nephews birthday was hosted at a restaurant. We already bought a gift, and my spouse wanted to leave a hundred to “pay the table” (cover the meal) and I effectively said hell no
My spouse’s argument was that our account is shared and I had no place to refuse, and also that it was our nephew.
My argument was that we hosted a similar type of party and also expected no one to pay (and no one did), and in addition the fact that it’s a shared account means that I have a say as well
Edit: To add further clarification, it was a huge party and no one was expected to pitch in - there is no disagreement there. It was understood that the hosts were covering the party and we were invited along with others for what was effectively a birthday party, only at a restaurant
2023.03.26 06:29 Sadetha We decided to get married six months prior to our wedding ceremony for personal reasons. Since we already booked the venue and sent save the dates we are keeping our public ceremony/reception as is. How should we word the invitations?
submitted by Sadetha to weddingplanning [link] [comments]
2023.03.26 06:03 Weird-Draw-6318 The dumper's journey
I found this post on quora and since I found it very useful, I decided to post it here. The link to the original post is at the bottom.
Typically, evidence suggests the dumpee normally faces more pain and they certainly do suffer the most intensity of emotions. That being said the dumper rarely escapes pain free. I’ll explain the situation from both sides, hopefully to help people going through it. Approximately 9/10 relationships will fail and that is ok. This is the dynamic for the majority of breakups. With significantly abusive relationships, it can be more complex. The dumper normally feels extremely sad about ending the relationship but similarly as if they have no other choice.
This is the typical, “I’m no longer in love with you” breakup. The dumper has detached & the dumpee is shellshocked. The dumper has prepared, is ready & excited for their future being single, while the dumpee feels like they’ve been hit by a freight train.
To understand why you need to understand the dynamics of control and rejection.
Before the breakup the dumper isn’t happy for some reason (they usually do not know themselves), most dumpers do not actually break up with a dumpee for reasons relating to the actual relationship but internal (e.g. existential, fear of commitment) or external (e.g. new jobs, friends being single or married, long distance) pressures. It’s often not the dumpees fault the dumper is unhappy and they rarely effectively communicate how they feel or their needs from their partner.
Compatibility is a myth; whatever relationship you build you will need to accept some flaws. Mature individuals understand what they can accept and what they can’t and establish boundaries for their partners. It’s very rare for a long-term relationship to end because of compatibility issues because you have coped together sufficiently fine for a significant period. In shorter term relationships significant differences in opinion prevent them from developing further.
Nobody wants to consider themselves a bad person (we are always the hero in our own story, i.e. protagonist syndrome). We know that dumping someone will be hurtful. Hence the name. Breaking up doesn’t necessarily need to be so traumatic. Dumpers have a level of control, which they focus to minimise the pain on themselves. They are confused & consumed by fear “What if this is the wrong choice?”. They normally hide their feelings and wait until they are certain & reach the best possible moment for them. Many dumpers wait until just after receiving birthday gifts from their partner. I once watched someone get dumped the night of a wedding just after being used as a bridesmaid’s “plus one”. This may appear selfish and essentially it is, however from the dumpers perspective they are in pain and they project the blame for this onto the dumpee (“you caused me to feel like this”, “you forced me to do this”). The dumper often gets angry at the dumpee during the breakup. They project the blame away from themselves because they can’t face hurting someone. Any reaction by the dumpee is used as justification for the dumper actions. Dumpers need the situation to deteriorate to justify their action. A confirmation bias. “Look at how they cried, I need someone stronger”, “They got angry, they are unstable”, “They didn’t react, they never cared about me “. Any reaction confirms the Dumpers decision. This total lack of control is confusing for the dumpee, they can’t “fix” anything, it’s an internal struggle for the dumper.
The build up
For a significant period within the relationship dumper is in pain, they often project their insecurities onto their partner, for example if they feel self-conscious about being overweight “you need to go to the gym more” or unfulfilled in their job “you’re never going to be successful”. This criticism can be confusing for their partner because it often doesn’t reflect the realities of the situation and sometimes is completely hypocritical. This criticism leads to contempt, the dumper actively dislikes spending time with their partner, eye rolling when they speak or request things. This is because they feel that they’ve asked their partner to improve (the criticism) and they feel they have ignored it. The dumper may test the dumpee and overstep boundaries, cheat, party, actively abuse them. If the dumpee forgives the dumper they loose more and more respect, if the dumpee challenges the dumper, they remember this as a slight (as justification for a breakup). The dumper doesn’t understand why they feel contempt for their partner that they previously loved so much thus they start to pull away from them to see if some space will help. The dumper reduces emotional support and possibly sexual contact for the dumpee. The dumpee will feel this and may ask the dumper what is wrong? The dumper scared of consequences may lie, “I’m fine, I just need some time to myself etc”. The dumpee might get emotional and force the situation, the dumper will be extremely dismissive to shut the conversation (or as they see it the confrontation) down. This challenge is similarly remembered as a “conflict” for justification when the breakup comes.
The dumpee trusts their partner and expects them to honestly explain how they feel. They respect their partner when they deflect their concerns and explain them as their partner having a hard time. The dumpee believes they are handling any conflict maturely. Gaslighting can occur because of an unequal power dynamic. The dumpee can compromise when their partner oversteps boundaries & also accept the “blame”. The dumpee can sometimes try and help their partner feel better but this comes across as needy & too full on. Similarly if the dumpee pulls back and let their partner have space the dumper feels unappreciated or ignored. Unless the dumper communicates effectively the dumpee can do nothing to change the outcome. Every action is a confirmation bias for the dumper. The dumpee is very happy and lives in a fantasy believing they can trust their partner. They remain loyal as the dumper disconnects.
The dumper usually doesn’t know what is wrong, they play their cards close to their chest so not to spook the dumpee. They logically do not want to break up unless they are certain. Because they are unhappy they start to fantasise either watching their friends or on their past live, when they were happier. This is sometimes called the “Grass is always greener syndrome”, in the mundanity of life we tend to believe our friends are having more fun or that our younger self was much more exciting than our current self. Social media makes the fear of missing out a significant pressure on relationships. Why are we not as loved up as our friends on Instagram? Why am I not travelling and partying like my single friends? We don’t consider that our own choices prevent us from these activities and the necessary sacrifices these lifestyles may need. Remember it’s a fantasy. They might find someone new and attractive, this can build into an affair however this is a fantasy also, it’s fuelled from excitement of the situation and as a distraction to their negative feelings. Affairs rarely last the transition into long term relationships
The dumper now is feeling unhappy, their partner is not adapting rapidly enough to their constant criticism (they may have lost respect in them), they have pulled away but they are still unhappy and they are fantasying about life away from their partner. They are scared to talking to their partner so they seek “help” from their friends and family. They moan, emphasising the negative elements of the relationship because they don’t want their feelings of unhappiness to not be seen as justified. This positively reinforces their feelings. It can actively vilify their partner, portraying them as a monster. Their friends and family support them “You can do better”. They offer quick fixes to make their loved one feel happier, “Finish with them and have fun with us”. This adds a pressure onto the dumper because now they have voiced their concern and their friends and family will keep trying to push this outcome to positively reinforce them. Friends and family members can also push their own agenda and manipulate the situation in their favour (I think of these like the “Flying Monkeys” in the Wizard of Oz). I once learnt German at school rather than Spanish (my aunt is Spanish & I went to Spain every year on holiday) because my friend said they would help me with homework, they never once did help me, it’s funny how susceptible we are to the influence of others.
The dumper now is unhappy, nothing is improving, they are fantasying about the future and their support structure is promoting the breakup. Usually the situation is that they haven’t involved the dumpee in any of this. Ironically communicating often could help with these issues but the dumper has let the situation spiral and the feeling is now much worse. The dumper has usually been in pain for weeks if not months, in silent conflict with themselves about what do do. The dumpee isn’t making them feel better but they aren’t communicating their needs. Finally they decide they will break up the relationship. Normally they commit to it and decide to fade out over a period of a few weeks in an attempt to lessen the blow. I read a paper recently that suggested it takes 7 attempts to finally end the relationship on average.
The breakup
Eventually the dumper dumps the dumpee. The dumpee is shocked and blind sighted, they feel betrayed (instant pain like being hit with a sledgehammer). The dumper is not in pain, they are intensely relieved that they have been able to do what they felt needed to be done. They might feel proud and courageous, their family & friends congratulate them and are ready to support. The dumpee feels an enormous level of rejection, typically the rejection affects an individual in two separate ways so you might observe differences but the overall effect is the same:
Because the dumpee is surprised by the decision they do the logical thing and try and communicate with their dumper to understand what happened and why the situation is unrecoverable. They provide solutions and try to fix the problem. Any reason provided by the dumper will not be sufficient enough for dumpee and no solution will work for the dumper. This is because both sides are acting from emotional positions and not logical ones. The dumpee will try and remind the dumper of all the positives of their relationship and the successes they have made. For the dumper this is too late, they have spent months thinking about these. They feel frustrated and uncomfortable with the dumpee wanting answers (to questions the dumper has answered internally months ago). “It doesn’t change anything”, “why do we need to go over this all again?”. The dumper honestly believes they have been open about how unhappy they have felt and have waited months for the dumpee to change. Often this isn’t the case, usually the dumper hides their feelings to protect themselves (because they want to be 100% certain before making a life altering choice). This is understandably the best strategy for them, putting themselves in the best position (climbing into a lifeboat before blowing the ship up). They need to escape the pain. They can’t bring themselves to admit they behaved this way because it portrays them negatively (they need to feel the hero, justified). They can’t empathise with the dumpee because they have struggled with this feeling for so long. Whilst the dumpee has trusted the dumper and expected them to share their feelings & be honest with them. In terms of control the dumper has 100% of the control, they are simply walking away. This is a shock to the dumpee who still consisers this a 50:50 relationship. They are still invested and want an opportunity to work on it. They attempt to compromise but the position is beyond that now.
In this unequal dynamic the dumper pushes all blame onto the dumpee. The dumpee commits to work on their flaws and the dumper has no responsibility. They might list all the activities that the dumpee has done to push them to this conclusion. “This is all your fault”. A list of minor conflicts spanning years may be presented to the dumpee as justification, these typically aren’t the actual reason for the breakup but an example of a conflict an excuse for the dumper to use to justify their decision. The dumper thinks of any motivation for the breakup just to escape how they feel (clutching at straws to justify leaving). This is why closure doesn’t really exist, the dumper doesn’t fully know why they are making this decision & no reason is ever good enough for the dumpee. The dumpee will usually accept each listed “reason” as flaws/mistakes but try and convince the dumper that they will change.
Nothing is going to change the dumpers mind in the moment, they have made the choice and want to experience life without the dumpee. Any attempt to manipulate the situation will be seen by the dumper as the dumpee trying to keep them trapped where they don’t want to be. The dumper wants to escape and the dumpee is clinging to them for dear life. Every period of separation feels like instant relief from the dumpee. The dumper needs this escape (and the relief) more and more. “GIVE ME SPACE!!”
Aftermath
The dumper often wants to keep the positives that they see of the relationship whilst removing the negative elements. Remember they just want to escape the pain. This is why they might suggest being “friends”. The dumper’s ego believes they can keep everything that they want and nothing that they don’t. An ideal fantasy situation for the dumper. Total control, maximum benefit at no cost (completely parasitic relationship). This is the power dynamic at play, some people falsely diagnose their exes as narcissists however they are usually simply acting selfishly. It’s unfortunate but normal to exploit the dynamic for their maximum benefit. Dumpees unwilfully feed the dumpers ego making this dynamic worse.
If the dumpee begs the dumper feels even more powerful and knows they can return to the relationship. The dumpee often acts super nice in an attempt to coerce the dumper back. The dumpee’s friends and family might suggest sending gifts or letters to their ex to convince them to return. Insert romantic comedy cliché here. This will make the dumper feel more powerful and guilty for hurting their ex. The dumper doesn’t want to feel like a bad person (they are the hero in their eyes). They will turn to their friends and family to mock the dumpee’s behaviour (positive reinforcement). They will see their ex as pathetic and very unattractive (confirmation bias). They might feel guilt and feel like a bad person so their friends and family will step in to vilify the dumpee as “manipulative” making the dumper feel justified and bolster their support. The dumper now, has ended the relationship but can return at any point and has support from everyone. This is an ideal situation for them, they have everything that they want (they might even be getting gifts from their ex) but at no cost. Their action and choices have had no negative consequences. The dumper feels happy.
The “Flying Monkeys” warn the dumper of being too close & spin their interactions with the dumpee (face to face or via social media) to encourage the dumper to move on and be happy (notice the quick fix promises). They may also try and push the dumpee away themselves.
The situation can spiral as the dumper isn’t as available to the dumpee anymore and nothing is returned. In this new “relationship” dynamic, the dumpee has 100% of the cost and 0% of the benifits. The dumper thinks it’s perfect and can’t empathise with the dumpee’s feelings. Guilt and a fear of manipulation might force them to keep a distance. The dumpee experiences this as their ex becoming “Cold”, i.e. non invested in their interactions. The dumpee is hurting and this lack of attention/affection causes them to push more and more. Eventually the dumpee losses all self respect and this usually results in the dumper cutting the dumpee fully off.
Completely disconnected
This is usually the rock bottom moment for the dumpee, they have completely lost someone they love. In time they will process this pain and reflect. Usually they accept that the dumper didn’t treat them as they should, they feel anger and healthy individuals accept the breakup as the best action and move on. Some individuals cling to this anger, never internally forgiving their ex, resenting them forever. This negativity may impact future relationships. Breakups are very traumatic for the dumpee and we can use this to change & grow or stagnate in our resentment.
Only when fully separated does the dumper fully face the consequences of their actions. Although they may not notice it for an extended period (until the relief fades).
The dumper is experiencing the world as they fantasied about but it never matches their expectations. Maybe their new partner isn’t as exciting as they expected or they can’t go on around the world trips because of work commitments. Our dreams rarely lives up to expectations. The dumper can double down in denial, “this should be more fun” lets go party. But eventually this will become stale. It’s rare that the dumper has fixed the original stresses that caused them to be unhappy. They are left confused, they left the relationship because it wasn’t making them happy but now they are still unhappy without the relationship. They have 0% cost, 0% benefit as there’s no relationship. The “Flying Monkeys” get bored without drama and cease their attention & support. No one is as available as before. If single, they will eventually want to date but it’s a shock when they aren’t seen as attractive by others as they expected, they also find most people fairly boring. Conversation is very dry and it feels like too much effort. Dates might use them for hookups or ghost them after weeks/months. They feel devalued.
If they enter a new relationship because the dumper doesn’t consider any of the mistakes they personally made similar patterns develop. The dumper may become critical of this new partner in a similar manner. They trap themselves in a cycle, unable to accept responsibility. Comparisons are made with a fantasy version of the dumpee and their new partner, often the dumpee is better at some metric and this causes doubt in the dumpers mind. “Why am I not with someone who is better at this?”. The dumper usually isn’t self aware enough to appreciate everyone has flaws, they have told themselves they “deserve better”, their friends & family told them “you will find better” but no-one is better by every single metric.
The “Fading Affect Bias” is a concept that over time our negative memories fade quicker than our positive memories. Relationship coaches misinterpret this as over time the dumper forgets the negative memories. What happens in reality is that the intensity of both memories is reduced, with the negative memories intensity reducing to a greater extent. However studies show within breakups the fading affect bias doesn’t have a significant impact, people hold onto the grudges. What I suspect happens is that the minor positives of the relationship are ignored while in the relationship however outside the relationship these can be much more apparent. The grass does appear greener on the other side. This is why I suspect many couples get back together, later breakup and then get back together. We keep fantasying about the other side and if we continually return the risk of breaking up is massively reduced. Eventually we appreciate what our ex provided for us.
They still feel in control so may stalk their ex on social media, unblock them, send them a friend request, birthday text etc. If they find their ex in a new relationship, they start to panic as they realise they have no control and all the emotion hits them at once this can cause a depression in them. If their dumpee chases again they feel validated, still feeling superior. If the dumpee is aggressive or confrontational, they might feel slightly rejected but they can twist this into feeling superior because their ex hasn’t “moved on yet”. When the dumpee is civil and acts normally, this flips the dynamic completely. The dumper becomes more inquisitive.
Overall impact & examples
Overtime the dumper feels a small level of pain continuously, they are responsible for their actions and the position they are in. The dumpee usually processes the pain and recovers. If the dumper feels in control they feel comfortable with this pain and can return at any moment. When the pain is too much they will simply approach the dumpee. They always feel in control. They have an easy escape if needed. The dumpee doesn’t feel this, they accept that they never had any control and have learnt to accept things as they are, thus reducing their pain.
Whilst true the dumpee faces the most intense pain in a breakup the dumpers journey is often overlooked. The dumper is in pain before the breakup & feels their only solution to stop this pain is to breakup. Often this is projection and once the relief fades and their fantasy becomes boring, they are left with their pain. Without someone to blame they eventually realise the consequences of their decision. They are normally left isolated still in the pain they originally felt. They have lost everything that they once had but the pain remains.
Every breakup I’ve been through and every breakup I have seen my friends/family go through has followed this dynamic. You can’t reason with anyone and explain what will happen before they experience it. The dumper projects their pain onto the dumpee and sees no other option. Because of the positive reinforcement from friends and family explaining the future dynamic will be seen as manipulative. My best friend, recently broke up with her ex, I sat with her and discussed how she felt & what she aimed to achieve. I listened and remained objective. She admitted not being over two other exes from 10 years & 7 years ago respectively. She knew she would feel the same about this partner. Despite knowing what would happen she knew she needed something to change. She broke up with him and they are remaining “friends” he has been spiralling for 6 months+. He’s an ER doctor, on some level I want to tell him to walk away so she can feel the consequences & he can recover (it can’t be good for his patients either). It’s too manipulative for me to tell him (I’ll also become a “Flying Monkey”) but I’ve told her she isn’t treating him fairly. She also asked me to invite her ex from 7 years ago (a mutal friend) to my birthday party however she wasn’t keen when I said I would invite his new girlfriend also… She moved back home for a few months and then into a flat-share with some professionals in their early 20s (she is 30), reliving a fantasy youth she felt she was missing in her relationship. Until she learns to deal with her internal issues they are going to keep resurfacing in future relationships.
My school friend is a clinical psychologist who has ended every relationship after two years. She is onto her sixth and that will come to a close soon. She explained this dynamic to me after my most recent break-up. After her last two breakups, she's been in therapy and on anti-depressants. Being the dumper hasn’t shielded her from the pain. Knowing what will happen hasn’t shielded her from the pain. Despite knowing she needs to solve her own issues she rushes into the next relationship to mask the pain.
My brother dumped his girlfriend of three years and she moved in with a new boyfriend within six months. He lives in London and had a successful hook-up life for a few years. Now his friends are all married or in long term relationships. He's got limited savings and is losing his hair. He can’t afford to live on his own but can’t face moving away from a major city. He regrets his decision a lot but knows he can’t take it back.
If you want to understand a typical breakup dynamic, watch the film “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” on the face of it it’s a silly romantic comedy but it’s absurdity is metaphor of a normal breakup dynamic. Peter has annoying bad habits, Sarah can’t communicate what she expects from him, she is in pain. She seeks therapy but doesn’t actually involve Peter (you only find out later in the film). She “can’t drown with him anymore” and ends it. Peter is completely shocked by this. Sarah is a celebrity, so she is omnipresent, while Peter is grieving (a great metaphor of the emotions the dumpee feels). Her ego is extremely strong. It transpires that Sarah had an affair with Aldous Snow (a cooler musician to Peter, an upgrade) and is now in a relationship with him. Aldous and Sarah get validation everywhere they go. Aldous sings about having sex with Sarah, while Peter is forced to watch, he spirals witnessing this. Peter develops a new relationship with Rachel. He starts to remember the negative times with Sarah (mostly regarding her ego & control). Sarah & Peter both loose their jobs, Sarah looses her identity, whilst Peter finds it liberating. The fantasy with Aldous starts to fall apart & Sarah is reminded of the positives Peter provided (ironically a different perspective on Peter’s negative memories). She expected Aldous to be an improvement on Peter by every metric. The breakup didn’t solve her internal pain, her identity has been smashed & her fantasy life isn’t going as planned. It was her choice, her decision and she thinks she can take it back. Peter however is now happier with Rachel, so he rejects Sarah, however he still is angry for her hurting him (he is projecting his pain & blame, while dumping her back). Peter tells Rachel, she gets angry, and they break up. Peter inspired by Rachel achieves his goals and Rachel after a significant time period comes back to him. Sarah is in a new television show (similar to her last), reliving her patterns of the past.
In summery
The dumpee gets a short burst of intense pain and can use this as motivation to grow. Comparisons are not an issue as the next relationship hasn’t already broken your heart.
The dumper, is unhappy at first, pushes all blame for this unhappiness onto the dumpee, feels brief relief and then is confused when they are still unhappy. They rarely grow & repeat the same mistakes. Every future relationship is compared with the past ones.
https://www.quora.com/If-you-were-the-dumper-how-long-did-it-take-you-to-move-on
submitted by Weird-Draw-6318 to BreakUp [link] [comments]
Typically, evidence suggests the dumpee normally faces more pain and they certainly do suffer the most intensity of emotions. That being said the dumper rarely escapes pain free. I’ll explain the situation from both sides, hopefully to help people going through it. Approximately 9/10 relationships will fail and that is ok. This is the dynamic for the majority of breakups. With significantly abusive relationships, it can be more complex. The dumper normally feels extremely sad about ending the relationship but similarly as if they have no other choice.
This is the typical, “I’m no longer in love with you” breakup. The dumper has detached & the dumpee is shellshocked. The dumper has prepared, is ready & excited for their future being single, while the dumpee feels like they’ve been hit by a freight train.
To understand why you need to understand the dynamics of control and rejection.
Before the breakup the dumper isn’t happy for some reason (they usually do not know themselves), most dumpers do not actually break up with a dumpee for reasons relating to the actual relationship but internal (e.g. existential, fear of commitment) or external (e.g. new jobs, friends being single or married, long distance) pressures. It’s often not the dumpees fault the dumper is unhappy and they rarely effectively communicate how they feel or their needs from their partner.
Compatibility is a myth; whatever relationship you build you will need to accept some flaws. Mature individuals understand what they can accept and what they can’t and establish boundaries for their partners. It’s very rare for a long-term relationship to end because of compatibility issues because you have coped together sufficiently fine for a significant period. In shorter term relationships significant differences in opinion prevent them from developing further.
Nobody wants to consider themselves a bad person (we are always the hero in our own story, i.e. protagonist syndrome). We know that dumping someone will be hurtful. Hence the name. Breaking up doesn’t necessarily need to be so traumatic. Dumpers have a level of control, which they focus to minimise the pain on themselves. They are confused & consumed by fear “What if this is the wrong choice?”. They normally hide their feelings and wait until they are certain & reach the best possible moment for them. Many dumpers wait until just after receiving birthday gifts from their partner. I once watched someone get dumped the night of a wedding just after being used as a bridesmaid’s “plus one”. This may appear selfish and essentially it is, however from the dumpers perspective they are in pain and they project the blame for this onto the dumpee (“you caused me to feel like this”, “you forced me to do this”). The dumper often gets angry at the dumpee during the breakup. They project the blame away from themselves because they can’t face hurting someone. Any reaction by the dumpee is used as justification for the dumper actions. Dumpers need the situation to deteriorate to justify their action. A confirmation bias. “Look at how they cried, I need someone stronger”, “They got angry, they are unstable”, “They didn’t react, they never cared about me “. Any reaction confirms the Dumpers decision. This total lack of control is confusing for the dumpee, they can’t “fix” anything, it’s an internal struggle for the dumper.
The build up
For a significant period within the relationship dumper is in pain, they often project their insecurities onto their partner, for example if they feel self-conscious about being overweight “you need to go to the gym more” or unfulfilled in their job “you’re never going to be successful”. This criticism can be confusing for their partner because it often doesn’t reflect the realities of the situation and sometimes is completely hypocritical. This criticism leads to contempt, the dumper actively dislikes spending time with their partner, eye rolling when they speak or request things. This is because they feel that they’ve asked their partner to improve (the criticism) and they feel they have ignored it. The dumper may test the dumpee and overstep boundaries, cheat, party, actively abuse them. If the dumpee forgives the dumper they loose more and more respect, if the dumpee challenges the dumper, they remember this as a slight (as justification for a breakup). The dumper doesn’t understand why they feel contempt for their partner that they previously loved so much thus they start to pull away from them to see if some space will help. The dumper reduces emotional support and possibly sexual contact for the dumpee. The dumpee will feel this and may ask the dumper what is wrong? The dumper scared of consequences may lie, “I’m fine, I just need some time to myself etc”. The dumpee might get emotional and force the situation, the dumper will be extremely dismissive to shut the conversation (or as they see it the confrontation) down. This challenge is similarly remembered as a “conflict” for justification when the breakup comes.
The dumpee trusts their partner and expects them to honestly explain how they feel. They respect their partner when they deflect their concerns and explain them as their partner having a hard time. The dumpee believes they are handling any conflict maturely. Gaslighting can occur because of an unequal power dynamic. The dumpee can compromise when their partner oversteps boundaries & also accept the “blame”. The dumpee can sometimes try and help their partner feel better but this comes across as needy & too full on. Similarly if the dumpee pulls back and let their partner have space the dumper feels unappreciated or ignored. Unless the dumper communicates effectively the dumpee can do nothing to change the outcome. Every action is a confirmation bias for the dumper. The dumpee is very happy and lives in a fantasy believing they can trust their partner. They remain loyal as the dumper disconnects.
The dumper usually doesn’t know what is wrong, they play their cards close to their chest so not to spook the dumpee. They logically do not want to break up unless they are certain. Because they are unhappy they start to fantasise either watching their friends or on their past live, when they were happier. This is sometimes called the “Grass is always greener syndrome”, in the mundanity of life we tend to believe our friends are having more fun or that our younger self was much more exciting than our current self. Social media makes the fear of missing out a significant pressure on relationships. Why are we not as loved up as our friends on Instagram? Why am I not travelling and partying like my single friends? We don’t consider that our own choices prevent us from these activities and the necessary sacrifices these lifestyles may need. Remember it’s a fantasy. They might find someone new and attractive, this can build into an affair however this is a fantasy also, it’s fuelled from excitement of the situation and as a distraction to their negative feelings. Affairs rarely last the transition into long term relationships
The dumper now is feeling unhappy, their partner is not adapting rapidly enough to their constant criticism (they may have lost respect in them), they have pulled away but they are still unhappy and they are fantasying about life away from their partner. They are scared to talking to their partner so they seek “help” from their friends and family. They moan, emphasising the negative elements of the relationship because they don’t want their feelings of unhappiness to not be seen as justified. This positively reinforces their feelings. It can actively vilify their partner, portraying them as a monster. Their friends and family support them “You can do better”. They offer quick fixes to make their loved one feel happier, “Finish with them and have fun with us”. This adds a pressure onto the dumper because now they have voiced their concern and their friends and family will keep trying to push this outcome to positively reinforce them. Friends and family members can also push their own agenda and manipulate the situation in their favour (I think of these like the “Flying Monkeys” in the Wizard of Oz). I once learnt German at school rather than Spanish (my aunt is Spanish & I went to Spain every year on holiday) because my friend said they would help me with homework, they never once did help me, it’s funny how susceptible we are to the influence of others.
The dumper now is unhappy, nothing is improving, they are fantasying about the future and their support structure is promoting the breakup. Usually the situation is that they haven’t involved the dumpee in any of this. Ironically communicating often could help with these issues but the dumper has let the situation spiral and the feeling is now much worse. The dumper has usually been in pain for weeks if not months, in silent conflict with themselves about what do do. The dumpee isn’t making them feel better but they aren’t communicating their needs. Finally they decide they will break up the relationship. Normally they commit to it and decide to fade out over a period of a few weeks in an attempt to lessen the blow. I read a paper recently that suggested it takes 7 attempts to finally end the relationship on average.
The breakup
Eventually the dumper dumps the dumpee. The dumpee is shocked and blind sighted, they feel betrayed (instant pain like being hit with a sledgehammer). The dumper is not in pain, they are intensely relieved that they have been able to do what they felt needed to be done. They might feel proud and courageous, their family & friends congratulate them and are ready to support. The dumpee feels an enormous level of rejection, typically the rejection affects an individual in two separate ways so you might observe differences but the overall effect is the same:
- A higher ego individual, will be confused, they may feel “better” than the dumper and can’t understand why they would do this? This completely shatters their perception of themselves.
- A lower ego individual may feel worthless and spiral into depression.
Because the dumpee is surprised by the decision they do the logical thing and try and communicate with their dumper to understand what happened and why the situation is unrecoverable. They provide solutions and try to fix the problem. Any reason provided by the dumper will not be sufficient enough for dumpee and no solution will work for the dumper. This is because both sides are acting from emotional positions and not logical ones. The dumpee will try and remind the dumper of all the positives of their relationship and the successes they have made. For the dumper this is too late, they have spent months thinking about these. They feel frustrated and uncomfortable with the dumpee wanting answers (to questions the dumper has answered internally months ago). “It doesn’t change anything”, “why do we need to go over this all again?”. The dumper honestly believes they have been open about how unhappy they have felt and have waited months for the dumpee to change. Often this isn’t the case, usually the dumper hides their feelings to protect themselves (because they want to be 100% certain before making a life altering choice). This is understandably the best strategy for them, putting themselves in the best position (climbing into a lifeboat before blowing the ship up). They need to escape the pain. They can’t bring themselves to admit they behaved this way because it portrays them negatively (they need to feel the hero, justified). They can’t empathise with the dumpee because they have struggled with this feeling for so long. Whilst the dumpee has trusted the dumper and expected them to share their feelings & be honest with them. In terms of control the dumper has 100% of the control, they are simply walking away. This is a shock to the dumpee who still consisers this a 50:50 relationship. They are still invested and want an opportunity to work on it. They attempt to compromise but the position is beyond that now.
In this unequal dynamic the dumper pushes all blame onto the dumpee. The dumpee commits to work on their flaws and the dumper has no responsibility. They might list all the activities that the dumpee has done to push them to this conclusion. “This is all your fault”. A list of minor conflicts spanning years may be presented to the dumpee as justification, these typically aren’t the actual reason for the breakup but an example of a conflict an excuse for the dumper to use to justify their decision. The dumper thinks of any motivation for the breakup just to escape how they feel (clutching at straws to justify leaving). This is why closure doesn’t really exist, the dumper doesn’t fully know why they are making this decision & no reason is ever good enough for the dumpee. The dumpee will usually accept each listed “reason” as flaws/mistakes but try and convince the dumper that they will change.
Nothing is going to change the dumpers mind in the moment, they have made the choice and want to experience life without the dumpee. Any attempt to manipulate the situation will be seen by the dumper as the dumpee trying to keep them trapped where they don’t want to be. The dumper wants to escape and the dumpee is clinging to them for dear life. Every period of separation feels like instant relief from the dumpee. The dumper needs this escape (and the relief) more and more. “GIVE ME SPACE!!”
Aftermath
The dumper often wants to keep the positives that they see of the relationship whilst removing the negative elements. Remember they just want to escape the pain. This is why they might suggest being “friends”. The dumper’s ego believes they can keep everything that they want and nothing that they don’t. An ideal fantasy situation for the dumper. Total control, maximum benefit at no cost (completely parasitic relationship). This is the power dynamic at play, some people falsely diagnose their exes as narcissists however they are usually simply acting selfishly. It’s unfortunate but normal to exploit the dynamic for their maximum benefit. Dumpees unwilfully feed the dumpers ego making this dynamic worse.
If the dumpee begs the dumper feels even more powerful and knows they can return to the relationship. The dumpee often acts super nice in an attempt to coerce the dumper back. The dumpee’s friends and family might suggest sending gifts or letters to their ex to convince them to return. Insert romantic comedy cliché here. This will make the dumper feel more powerful and guilty for hurting their ex. The dumper doesn’t want to feel like a bad person (they are the hero in their eyes). They will turn to their friends and family to mock the dumpee’s behaviour (positive reinforcement). They will see their ex as pathetic and very unattractive (confirmation bias). They might feel guilt and feel like a bad person so their friends and family will step in to vilify the dumpee as “manipulative” making the dumper feel justified and bolster their support. The dumper now, has ended the relationship but can return at any point and has support from everyone. This is an ideal situation for them, they have everything that they want (they might even be getting gifts from their ex) but at no cost. Their action and choices have had no negative consequences. The dumper feels happy.
The “Flying Monkeys” warn the dumper of being too close & spin their interactions with the dumpee (face to face or via social media) to encourage the dumper to move on and be happy (notice the quick fix promises). They may also try and push the dumpee away themselves.
The situation can spiral as the dumper isn’t as available to the dumpee anymore and nothing is returned. In this new “relationship” dynamic, the dumpee has 100% of the cost and 0% of the benifits. The dumper thinks it’s perfect and can’t empathise with the dumpee’s feelings. Guilt and a fear of manipulation might force them to keep a distance. The dumpee experiences this as their ex becoming “Cold”, i.e. non invested in their interactions. The dumpee is hurting and this lack of attention/affection causes them to push more and more. Eventually the dumpee losses all self respect and this usually results in the dumper cutting the dumpee fully off.
Completely disconnected
This is usually the rock bottom moment for the dumpee, they have completely lost someone they love. In time they will process this pain and reflect. Usually they accept that the dumper didn’t treat them as they should, they feel anger and healthy individuals accept the breakup as the best action and move on. Some individuals cling to this anger, never internally forgiving their ex, resenting them forever. This negativity may impact future relationships. Breakups are very traumatic for the dumpee and we can use this to change & grow or stagnate in our resentment.
Only when fully separated does the dumper fully face the consequences of their actions. Although they may not notice it for an extended period (until the relief fades).
The dumper is experiencing the world as they fantasied about but it never matches their expectations. Maybe their new partner isn’t as exciting as they expected or they can’t go on around the world trips because of work commitments. Our dreams rarely lives up to expectations. The dumper can double down in denial, “this should be more fun” lets go party. But eventually this will become stale. It’s rare that the dumper has fixed the original stresses that caused them to be unhappy. They are left confused, they left the relationship because it wasn’t making them happy but now they are still unhappy without the relationship. They have 0% cost, 0% benefit as there’s no relationship. The “Flying Monkeys” get bored without drama and cease their attention & support. No one is as available as before. If single, they will eventually want to date but it’s a shock when they aren’t seen as attractive by others as they expected, they also find most people fairly boring. Conversation is very dry and it feels like too much effort. Dates might use them for hookups or ghost them after weeks/months. They feel devalued.
If they enter a new relationship because the dumper doesn’t consider any of the mistakes they personally made similar patterns develop. The dumper may become critical of this new partner in a similar manner. They trap themselves in a cycle, unable to accept responsibility. Comparisons are made with a fantasy version of the dumpee and their new partner, often the dumpee is better at some metric and this causes doubt in the dumpers mind. “Why am I not with someone who is better at this?”. The dumper usually isn’t self aware enough to appreciate everyone has flaws, they have told themselves they “deserve better”, their friends & family told them “you will find better” but no-one is better by every single metric.
The “Fading Affect Bias” is a concept that over time our negative memories fade quicker than our positive memories. Relationship coaches misinterpret this as over time the dumper forgets the negative memories. What happens in reality is that the intensity of both memories is reduced, with the negative memories intensity reducing to a greater extent. However studies show within breakups the fading affect bias doesn’t have a significant impact, people hold onto the grudges. What I suspect happens is that the minor positives of the relationship are ignored while in the relationship however outside the relationship these can be much more apparent. The grass does appear greener on the other side. This is why I suspect many couples get back together, later breakup and then get back together. We keep fantasying about the other side and if we continually return the risk of breaking up is massively reduced. Eventually we appreciate what our ex provided for us.
They still feel in control so may stalk their ex on social media, unblock them, send them a friend request, birthday text etc. If they find their ex in a new relationship, they start to panic as they realise they have no control and all the emotion hits them at once this can cause a depression in them. If their dumpee chases again they feel validated, still feeling superior. If the dumpee is aggressive or confrontational, they might feel slightly rejected but they can twist this into feeling superior because their ex hasn’t “moved on yet”. When the dumpee is civil and acts normally, this flips the dynamic completely. The dumper becomes more inquisitive.
Overall impact & examples
Overtime the dumper feels a small level of pain continuously, they are responsible for their actions and the position they are in. The dumpee usually processes the pain and recovers. If the dumper feels in control they feel comfortable with this pain and can return at any moment. When the pain is too much they will simply approach the dumpee. They always feel in control. They have an easy escape if needed. The dumpee doesn’t feel this, they accept that they never had any control and have learnt to accept things as they are, thus reducing their pain.
Whilst true the dumpee faces the most intense pain in a breakup the dumpers journey is often overlooked. The dumper is in pain before the breakup & feels their only solution to stop this pain is to breakup. Often this is projection and once the relief fades and their fantasy becomes boring, they are left with their pain. Without someone to blame they eventually realise the consequences of their decision. They are normally left isolated still in the pain they originally felt. They have lost everything that they once had but the pain remains.
Every breakup I’ve been through and every breakup I have seen my friends/family go through has followed this dynamic. You can’t reason with anyone and explain what will happen before they experience it. The dumper projects their pain onto the dumpee and sees no other option. Because of the positive reinforcement from friends and family explaining the future dynamic will be seen as manipulative. My best friend, recently broke up with her ex, I sat with her and discussed how she felt & what she aimed to achieve. I listened and remained objective. She admitted not being over two other exes from 10 years & 7 years ago respectively. She knew she would feel the same about this partner. Despite knowing what would happen she knew she needed something to change. She broke up with him and they are remaining “friends” he has been spiralling for 6 months+. He’s an ER doctor, on some level I want to tell him to walk away so she can feel the consequences & he can recover (it can’t be good for his patients either). It’s too manipulative for me to tell him (I’ll also become a “Flying Monkey”) but I’ve told her she isn’t treating him fairly. She also asked me to invite her ex from 7 years ago (a mutal friend) to my birthday party however she wasn’t keen when I said I would invite his new girlfriend also… She moved back home for a few months and then into a flat-share with some professionals in their early 20s (she is 30), reliving a fantasy youth she felt she was missing in her relationship. Until she learns to deal with her internal issues they are going to keep resurfacing in future relationships.
My school friend is a clinical psychologist who has ended every relationship after two years. She is onto her sixth and that will come to a close soon. She explained this dynamic to me after my most recent break-up. After her last two breakups, she's been in therapy and on anti-depressants. Being the dumper hasn’t shielded her from the pain. Knowing what will happen hasn’t shielded her from the pain. Despite knowing she needs to solve her own issues she rushes into the next relationship to mask the pain.
My brother dumped his girlfriend of three years and she moved in with a new boyfriend within six months. He lives in London and had a successful hook-up life for a few years. Now his friends are all married or in long term relationships. He's got limited savings and is losing his hair. He can’t afford to live on his own but can’t face moving away from a major city. He regrets his decision a lot but knows he can’t take it back.
If you want to understand a typical breakup dynamic, watch the film “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” on the face of it it’s a silly romantic comedy but it’s absurdity is metaphor of a normal breakup dynamic. Peter has annoying bad habits, Sarah can’t communicate what she expects from him, she is in pain. She seeks therapy but doesn’t actually involve Peter (you only find out later in the film). She “can’t drown with him anymore” and ends it. Peter is completely shocked by this. Sarah is a celebrity, so she is omnipresent, while Peter is grieving (a great metaphor of the emotions the dumpee feels). Her ego is extremely strong. It transpires that Sarah had an affair with Aldous Snow (a cooler musician to Peter, an upgrade) and is now in a relationship with him. Aldous and Sarah get validation everywhere they go. Aldous sings about having sex with Sarah, while Peter is forced to watch, he spirals witnessing this. Peter develops a new relationship with Rachel. He starts to remember the negative times with Sarah (mostly regarding her ego & control). Sarah & Peter both loose their jobs, Sarah looses her identity, whilst Peter finds it liberating. The fantasy with Aldous starts to fall apart & Sarah is reminded of the positives Peter provided (ironically a different perspective on Peter’s negative memories). She expected Aldous to be an improvement on Peter by every metric. The breakup didn’t solve her internal pain, her identity has been smashed & her fantasy life isn’t going as planned. It was her choice, her decision and she thinks she can take it back. Peter however is now happier with Rachel, so he rejects Sarah, however he still is angry for her hurting him (he is projecting his pain & blame, while dumping her back). Peter tells Rachel, she gets angry, and they break up. Peter inspired by Rachel achieves his goals and Rachel after a significant time period comes back to him. Sarah is in a new television show (similar to her last), reliving her patterns of the past.
In summery
The dumpee gets a short burst of intense pain and can use this as motivation to grow. Comparisons are not an issue as the next relationship hasn’t already broken your heart.
The dumper, is unhappy at first, pushes all blame for this unhappiness onto the dumpee, feels brief relief and then is confused when they are still unhappy. They rarely grow & repeat the same mistakes. Every future relationship is compared with the past ones.
https://www.quora.com/If-you-were-the-dumper-how-long-did-it-take-you-to-move-on
2023.03.26 06:01 AutoModerator /r/PinkOmega Music Melting-Pot [Week of March 26, 2023]
The melting pot is a free-for-all music sharing thread posted weekly.
We'd like to invite everyone to reply with...
submitted by AutoModerator to PinkOmega [link] [comments]
We'd like to invite everyone to reply with...
- Anything you've been listening to recently and enjoying.
- If you're an artist, share your music with us and tell us about it.
- Always provide listening links for anything you share here.
- Tell us a little bit about what you're sharing.
- Format any posted links as follows: [Artist - "Song Title"](https://www.yoururlhere.com) instead of just posting the URL.
2023.03.26 05:36 idonotdosarcasm What is an ideal Islamic wedding supposed to be like?
A few days ago, my father spoke about his friend’s wedding expenses, and I was baffled hearing the money it cost him. Some of the things may sound fair as people here try to invite every person they can invite (dinner and room for more people = more expenses). But some things are quite unjustified, like my younger sister started talking about how expensive the bride’s dress is supposed to be (in my culture, bride’s expenses are supposed to be handled by her soon-to-be husband), and when I asked what makes anything in that over-expensive dress as special, she explained a few things like it is super difficult to walk in that dress, it has such and such expensive stones on it, etc, but at the end she admitted the dress is impractical and maybe even overpriced, but insisted that the cultural norms must be followed because allegedly everyone thinks it is pretty -_-
Many humans seems becoming anti-social upto some extent, many people (including my family) attend weddings just for the sake of formality, so the expenses and inviting relatives whom you have never met in your life just do not feel worthy enough to be any more.
So I was wondering what an ideal wedding is supposed to be like from an Islamic standpoint.
submitted by idonotdosarcasm to islam [link] [comments]
Many humans seems becoming anti-social upto some extent, many people (including my family) attend weddings just for the sake of formality, so the expenses and inviting relatives whom you have never met in your life just do not feel worthy enough to be any more.
So I was wondering what an ideal wedding is supposed to be like from an Islamic standpoint.
2023.03.26 05:32 un_affiliated Luke and Proverbs connection.
Maybe this is already know to a lot of people, but I just came across a connection between proverbs 25:6-7 and luke 14:7-11, and I thought it was pretty interesting.
In luke 14:7-11 Jesus is telling the parable of the guests.
Verse 8-10 "Whenever you are invited by someone to a wedding feast, do not take the place of honor, for someone more distinguished than you may have been invited by him, and the one who invited you both will come and say to you. 'Give your place to this person,' and then in disgrace you will proceed to occupy the last place. But whenever you are invited, go and take the last place, so that when the one who has invited you comes, he will say to you, 'Friend, move up higher'; then you will have honor in the sight of all who are dining at the table with you."
Then reading proverbs 25 today, I found this connection.
Verses 6-7 Do not boast in the presence of the king, and do not stand in the same place as great people; for it is better that it be said to you. "Come up here," than for you to be placed lower in the presence of the prince, whom your eyes have seen.
Another thing to note is thst Solomon wrote proverbs, which is a book about wisdom, and he was given his wisdom by God when he took the throne after his father David. This instruction was then inspired by God, and then quoted by Jesus during his ministry, a littlenover a thousand years later. Its just a pretty awesome thing to think about. The word of God is everlasting.
submitted by un_affiliated to Bible [link] [comments]
In luke 14:7-11 Jesus is telling the parable of the guests.
Verse 8-10 "Whenever you are invited by someone to a wedding feast, do not take the place of honor, for someone more distinguished than you may have been invited by him, and the one who invited you both will come and say to you. 'Give your place to this person,' and then in disgrace you will proceed to occupy the last place. But whenever you are invited, go and take the last place, so that when the one who has invited you comes, he will say to you, 'Friend, move up higher'; then you will have honor in the sight of all who are dining at the table with you."
Then reading proverbs 25 today, I found this connection.
Verses 6-7 Do not boast in the presence of the king, and do not stand in the same place as great people; for it is better that it be said to you. "Come up here," than for you to be placed lower in the presence of the prince, whom your eyes have seen.
Another thing to note is thst Solomon wrote proverbs, which is a book about wisdom, and he was given his wisdom by God when he took the throne after his father David. This instruction was then inspired by God, and then quoted by Jesus during his ministry, a littlenover a thousand years later. Its just a pretty awesome thing to think about. The word of God is everlasting.
2023.03.26 04:55 snowseas Games Done Quick (GDQ) is doing a Gates to Infinity / Super Mystery Dungeon Showcase!
 | Hello everyone! My name is halqery and I'm a speedrunneadmin of the Pokémon Mystery Dungeon Speedrunning Community. For years, it has seemed that these games are just a bit too long to make it onto the GDQ stage, and for the AGDQ/SGDQ marathon that's still true, HOWEVER, tomorrow (3/26) at 1PM EST on the GDQ Hotfix there will be a double feature of the 3DS PMD games to celebrate Gates to Infinity's 10 year anniversary in North America! First we'll be starting with SBDWolf running Gates to Infinity with a cutsceneless patch that he made himself, making the game much more speed-viable. Should take around 3 hours. After that, Super Mystery Dungeon will be ran in its entirety by me (halqery) which should be a 6 hour run-ish. Hope to see you there! submitted by snowseas to MysteryDungeon [link] [comments] As always with my speedrun posts, I'd like to take this opportunity to promote our community discord server. if you'd like to learn more about speedrunning any of the PMD games or just wanna lurk and join our fantastic community, we invite you to join us there. We're very inclusive and friendly to new people/non-runners and we'd love to have you. Thanks, halqery https://preview.redd.it/9wrir34100qa1.png?width=730&format=png&auto=webp&s=92762bfd22998f2b8e4ff6715575d29cee011de1 https://preview.redd.it/jkamsnpxzzpa1.png?width=1024&format=png&auto=webp&s=5437c8ab6c0c412450272242fb2632c7d817a655 https://preview.redd.it/l0vz1o2uzzpa1.png?width=680&format=png&auto=webp&s=cd7b7447b750fbc631db34110a76143b8b146ef4 |
2023.03.26 04:34 AardvarkDisastrous70 Dry wedding drama. Possibly connected posts.
 | submitted by AardvarkDisastrous70 to TwoHotTakes [link] [comments] |
2023.03.26 04:34 redlampdesk September Wedding Welcome Dinner / Party Venue
I'm getting married in Evanston in September, and am looking for a restaurant / event space for a welcome dinner and party. We'd expect ~100 people. The ideal space would have indoor and outdoor areas, and would have excellent Indian Food. Assuming those constraints aren't easily satisfied, Good Food > Indian Food. We'll happily send you an invite if you propose the winning venue.
Thank you!
submitted by redlampdesk to evanston [link] [comments]
Thank you!
2023.03.26 04:26 apollo_guy Should I let my dad come?
Over the past few years my dad has been more difficult to deal with. He’s been rude to waitstaff, standoffish to my fiancées parents, and self centered enough that it’s impossible to have a conversation with him that doesn’t revolve around him. Spending time with him has become a chore for me and most others.
I told my father over a year ago that we would be having a wedding, sent him the save the date and five months ago paid him a visit and directly handed him a wedding invite when we went out to dinner with my fiancée.
At dinner, he didn’t seem very interested in the wedding and what was going on in our lives and we got into a dumb argument where out of nowhere he said f*** you. I was shocked and so was my fiancée, so we decided to immediately walk out. He never apologized or acknowledged what happened, but we were still on texting terms. I followed up with him a few times over the next few months asking him if he had booked his flights and hotels and he insisted that yes he did.
Just the other day, he called me asking if I could help him book his flights. Mind you, the wedding is less than a week out at this point and I was pretty shocked that he had not made any bookings. I asked “why??” to which he responded that he was broke and was waiting for some money to come in. I asked, “so if the money would not have come in, what was the plan? We’re you just going to let me know the day before the wedding?” He said “there was no plan”. He also needs some financial help from us to get here.
Honestly, my relationship with him was already strained and him and my sister are no longer on speaking terms (he has a combination of narcissism and main character energy). I was already a little stressed with him being at the wedding and this felt like this was the final nail in the coffin.
I’m conflicted. I generally like to minimize regrets in my life and if I tell him not to come I feel like I would regret my decision as I cannot take it back. But if I feel like there would be a weight lifted off my shoulders as it is one less thing that my fiancée needs to worry about on our special day.
What should I do?
submitted by apollo_guy to weddingplanning [link] [comments]
I told my father over a year ago that we would be having a wedding, sent him the save the date and five months ago paid him a visit and directly handed him a wedding invite when we went out to dinner with my fiancée.
At dinner, he didn’t seem very interested in the wedding and what was going on in our lives and we got into a dumb argument where out of nowhere he said f*** you. I was shocked and so was my fiancée, so we decided to immediately walk out. He never apologized or acknowledged what happened, but we were still on texting terms. I followed up with him a few times over the next few months asking him if he had booked his flights and hotels and he insisted that yes he did.
Just the other day, he called me asking if I could help him book his flights. Mind you, the wedding is less than a week out at this point and I was pretty shocked that he had not made any bookings. I asked “why??” to which he responded that he was broke and was waiting for some money to come in. I asked, “so if the money would not have come in, what was the plan? We’re you just going to let me know the day before the wedding?” He said “there was no plan”. He also needs some financial help from us to get here.
Honestly, my relationship with him was already strained and him and my sister are no longer on speaking terms (he has a combination of narcissism and main character energy). I was already a little stressed with him being at the wedding and this felt like this was the final nail in the coffin.
I’m conflicted. I generally like to minimize regrets in my life and if I tell him not to come I feel like I would regret my decision as I cannot take it back. But if I feel like there would be a weight lifted off my shoulders as it is one less thing that my fiancée needs to worry about on our special day.
What should I do?
2023.03.26 03:52 euegnia 🏔️✨ outdoor Mexico✨🏔️
 | Hey backpackers! I'd love to invite you to check out our community outdoorMexico. This is for any Spanish speakers out there, or anyone planning to check out the outdoor scene in Mexico. We just started, so there isn't a lot of content yet, but we'd love to see you there! submitted by euegnia to CampingandHiking [link] [comments] -- Los invitamos cordialmente a nuestro nuevo sub para todo lo relacionado con la vida "outdoors" en México; deportes de aventura, fotos, artículos, preguntas y demás. Sería un verdadero gusto verlos ahí :) https://preview.redd.it/ubwtirmunzpa1.jpg?width=1076&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=10ab92a21f4c8230b06382abe707f68f8a3c6a2b |
2023.03.26 03:46 Latro_in_theMist [Standard] B01 Boros Token\Burn Midrange Value Pile
Stats: 65% win rate66% on the play65% on the draw 70-38 games in ~11 hours.
Sitting in Diamond 2 at the moment but confident I'll reach Mythic. I've been cruising through ranked since throwing this together in Plat 4. This is a Bo1 list but I'm very interested in turning into a Bo3 deck after I hit mythic.
Deck General Overview:
What's somewhat interesting to me is the tight consistency between the win rate whether on the draw or on the play. I think the reason for this is that the deck's game plan doesn't suffer too badly whether on the play or not. Generally speaking the deck wants to:
This is the first brew I've made where Urabrask's Forge doesn't feel like a meme card. Either the opponent feels pressure to start digging for artifact removal - allowing you to dump 3 devils - get in chip damage with Mishra's Foundry or an Emperor Token OR like they have to dump their hand onto the board so that they can kill you before Forge ramps up. In the event that they do try to clog the lanes you should have the burn spells to clean up the board.
Obviously this deck struggles against enchantments (not enchantment creatures - just sweep those) but this is a Bo1 deck so just move on.
General match ups:
Grixis Midrange: Positive: 6-2 I think this deck has a good match up against Grixis midrange and it's mostly because I am able to adsorb Invoke Despairs really well since a lot of our cards make a body and also sit on the board (Fable, Wedding Announcement and Wandering Emperor). They also tend to lack artifact removal so Urabrask Forges tend to stay on the board for a meaningful amount of time. Shoeldred is a bit of a pain but this deck can really apply pressure pretty well when it wants to and usually you can either force the opponent into blocking and then you can kill it with a burn spell OR if you absolutely have to - clean up the board with Burn Down The House since your announcements or elder dragon wars will be spitting out a body after the wipe.
Mono Black MidRange: Positive: 9-5 Similar to the Grixis match up - this deck can absord Invoke Despairs pretty well and out grind with BankBuster and Wedding Announcement draws. Mono Black doesn't have artifact removal so Forge's also apply a significant amount of pressure. Wandering Emp helps clogs the lanes and gives you much needed life gain.
MonoRed: Positive: 9-5 This match up is stressful but i suppose any deck on the draw against RDW is. If you can't ramp into The Elder Dragon War, Burn Down the House or Wandering Emperor OR you lack your burn spells you lose... But this deck can do so fairly well with the hand fixing and Riveteers Requisitioner is a great card to throw in the face. If they burn it then you get a treasure for your sweepers - if they don't then it's going to block and kill something and you get your treasure token anyway. I honestly don't mind it knowing that on the draw is a very tough time for any deck.
MonoWhite Midrange: Positive 7-1 You just simply out value them. Which is a little crazy since those are value piles. Burn Down the house kills any white planewalkers + tokens. Your own emperors + announcements clog up the lanes until you can go over or around them. You draw with BankBuster and Hand fix with Fable + Elder Dragon War. It's a pretty straight forward match up.
Esper Midrange:: Not enough data. 2-0 I think shuffler doesn't like matching me up against Esper Midrange. I am not sure why. I can't really recall any esper games.
Anyway - Feel free to ask questions. Hope others try this as I think it's one of my more "okay" piles.
Deck:
submitted by Latro_in_theMist to spikes [link] [comments]
Sitting in Diamond 2 at the moment but confident I'll reach Mythic. I've been cruising through ranked since throwing this together in Plat 4. This is a Bo1 list but I'm very interested in turning into a Bo3 deck after I hit mythic.
Deck General Overview:
What's somewhat interesting to me is the tight consistency between the win rate whether on the draw or on the play. I think the reason for this is that the deck's game plan doesn't suffer too badly whether on the play or not. Generally speaking the deck wants to:
- Turns 1-3: Either Keep the board clear with burns spells: Strangle, Lightening Strike, and Abrade OR start accruing value with Riveteers Requisitioner or BankBuster (Rieteers almost always ramps you)
- Turns 3-5: Clog up the lanes with Wedding Announcement, Fable, Wandering Emperor and/or Riveteers Requisitioner
- Turns 5+: Sweep the board, Get in for damage with bankBuster, Wandering Emperor tokens, Urabrask's Forge tokens, keep accruing value with Fables, Elder Dragon Wars, Wandering Empererors and BankBusters. Rinse and repeat.
This is the first brew I've made where Urabrask's Forge doesn't feel like a meme card. Either the opponent feels pressure to start digging for artifact removal - allowing you to dump 3 devils - get in chip damage with Mishra's Foundry or an Emperor Token OR like they have to dump their hand onto the board so that they can kill you before Forge ramps up. In the event that they do try to clog the lanes you should have the burn spells to clean up the board.
Obviously this deck struggles against enchantments (not enchantment creatures - just sweep those) but this is a Bo1 deck so just move on.
General match ups:
Grixis Midrange: Positive: 6-2 I think this deck has a good match up against Grixis midrange and it's mostly because I am able to adsorb Invoke Despairs really well since a lot of our cards make a body and also sit on the board (Fable, Wedding Announcement and Wandering Emperor). They also tend to lack artifact removal so Urabrask Forges tend to stay on the board for a meaningful amount of time. Shoeldred is a bit of a pain but this deck can really apply pressure pretty well when it wants to and usually you can either force the opponent into blocking and then you can kill it with a burn spell OR if you absolutely have to - clean up the board with Burn Down The House since your announcements or elder dragon wars will be spitting out a body after the wipe.
Mono Black MidRange: Positive: 9-5 Similar to the Grixis match up - this deck can absord Invoke Despairs pretty well and out grind with BankBuster and Wedding Announcement draws. Mono Black doesn't have artifact removal so Forge's also apply a significant amount of pressure. Wandering Emp helps clogs the lanes and gives you much needed life gain.
MonoRed: Positive: 9-5 This match up is stressful but i suppose any deck on the draw against RDW is. If you can't ramp into The Elder Dragon War, Burn Down the House or Wandering Emperor OR you lack your burn spells you lose... But this deck can do so fairly well with the hand fixing and Riveteers Requisitioner is a great card to throw in the face. If they burn it then you get a treasure for your sweepers - if they don't then it's going to block and kill something and you get your treasure token anyway. I honestly don't mind it knowing that on the draw is a very tough time for any deck.
MonoWhite Midrange: Positive 7-1 You just simply out value them. Which is a little crazy since those are value piles. Burn Down the house kills any white planewalkers + tokens. Your own emperors + announcements clog up the lanes until you can go over or around them. You draw with BankBuster and Hand fix with Fable + Elder Dragon War. It's a pretty straight forward match up.
Esper Midrange:: Not enough data. 2-0 I think shuffler doesn't like matching me up against Esper Midrange. I am not sure why. I can't really recall any esper games.
Anyway - Feel free to ask questions. Hope others try this as I think it's one of my more "okay" piles.
Deck:
Deck 5 Plains 6 Mountain 4 Battlefield Forge 2 Lightning Strike 2 Abrade 3 Burn Down the House 1 By Invitation Only 4 Wedding Announcement 4 Sundown Pass 4 The Wandering Emperor 4 Fable of the Mirror-Breaker 4 Reckoner Bankbuster 2 Eiganjo, Seat of the Empire 2 Sokenzan, Crucible of Defiance 3 Riveteers Requisitioner 2 Strangle 3 The Elder Dragon War 2 Mishra's Foundry 3 Urabrask's Forge
2023.03.26 03:37 AmITrippinOr AITA for not going to my older sisters wedding?
Long story short, i cutoff my dads side of the family for my own personal reasons, he’s a narcissistic sociopath and abuser, and she’s invited them all to her wedding which is fine. However, recently I’ve been followed by someone (cousin), and I’ve always felt uncomfortable going in general. I’m 19, she’s 26. I have a feeling she’ll never forgive me if I don’t go, but it’s taking a toll on my mental health, I no longer look forward to things, I genuinely don’t wanna go. There’s about 250 people that probably hate me. The current expectation is that I’m going, but I expressed I don’t wanna go. The police where notified about it and it’s harassment since he followed me and waited for me to come out of the store. I legit don’t feel safe in this city anymore. AITA for not going to my sisters wedding? I have a feeling this will destroy my relationship with my sisters. But words can’t describe how much I don’t wanna go, I don’t feel safe, but I sound like a bitch.
submitted by AmITrippinOr to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]
2023.03.26 03:35 svalwuwsbq 😘👉👌 IF YOU TAP YOU WILL CUM 🍆💦
 | submitted by svalwuwsbq to liok5qctl4 [link] [comments] IF YOU TAP HERE YOU WILL CUMIF YOU TAP HERE YOU WILL CUMIF YOU TAP HERE YOU WILL CUMhttps://i.redd.it/7cogri03mzpa1.gifRead 22527 times Harry waffled for over ten minutes before deciding. Even so, his hand hesitated; he took a deep breath to steady himself, and pushed the tent flap aside. She giggled and said, "Just don't be too rough!" When she stepped back she said,”What are you up to?” “If we hurry, the food might not be cold yet!” she called back to us. We got up, and held hands and left the tent, looking for food, with my Dad’s bucket load of cum slowly dripping out of my freshly fucked pussy. When Mom hung up she just laughed. Mrs. Jenkins had asked her what she should wear, that was followed by a long silence, and then she said, “I guess it really doesn’t matter.” “Izzy,” I whispered, shaking her shoulders softly. She stirred for a bit before opening her eyes and letting out a loud yawn, looking hazily into my eyes. “Had a nice nap?” Nylongirl “Holy shit.” Nicole said, sniffling, looking down at the floor. “Salvador’s getting better at this. Your performance was fucking flawless.” she looked up at me with red puffy eyes and gave a sad smile. “Why couldn’t you do something that good for your election speech?” “How will I fit my boner into you?” I ask her. It’s a lot bigger around then the carrot was and your hole was tight when I only had two fingers inside of you.” She is all happy because next I know she wraps her arms around me and gives me a kiss on my left cheek of my face. She tells me to pick her up at 7 p.m. Friday so we can hang out at her house. The lunch bell signals us it's time to go to class. The rest of the day I am in my thoughts, but I still pay attention to my teachers. The next few days go by and everyday Mina reminds me to pick her up. She is so happy that she tells me what she will be wearing a blue dress with spaghetti straps and it comes a little above her knees. I get a mental image of her in the dress and my heart beats fast. So I make it a point to get something blue and nice for the dance soon. When I told my mom about the dance she gave me a look of concern, but didn't talk me out of it. All she said was be careful at the dance. "If you rinse out your mouth right after I put my cock inside, then it won't count, will it?" He is definitely stretching his luck but hopefully she is as gullible as she seems. “I see.” “Do you…” she began to say, “have any idea…how badly my asshole hurts?” “I...what,” stammered the new girl. “You want me to piss...is that pee she's licking up?” They lay together for nearly half an hour, then he got up, kissed her again and left the room. Zelena lay there as he left her and fell asleep with her nightgown up around her shoulders, knees up, legs apart, until she woke to find herself cold. She covered herself and rolled over into a deep sleep. “I want to taste your cum again Chris. Will you cum in my mouth, please?” She asked me. I pulled out of her hot pussy and she hopped off the counter to her knees on the kitchen floor and took my cock in her sweet mouth, she pumped the shaft several times while she worked her tongue over the head while I looked down at her. Gail looked up at me with my cock in her mouth and those blue eyes of hers. It was just so sweet and hot looking seeing her like that I couldn’t hold back any longer and gave her what she had asked for, blowing a third load of cum into her. This time she didn’t miss a drop and licked my cock clean before she was done. I took the dice and rolled. Picking a Chance card, I read, "Go to Jail, directly to j--" I took one last deep breath of her musky scent before licking the length of her labia slightly entering her pussy. My tongue then made contact with her clitoris and her legs tightened around my head and I went to work in a made up rhythm where I would switch between tongue fucking her and sucking her nub then the occasional brush against her rose but, and I dare say it the best rose bud in the entire world, almost unused I noted as I increased my pace. She gave a loud moan and somewhere in between the gibberish was the words “I M CUMMING, oh god oh god YESSSSSS” she said this so fast over and over again until her jaw locked and I was nearly drowned in her juices. I began lapping it down to avoid drowning as I couldn’t move my head, not that I was complaining, she tasted damn good! "Well that sorta hurt" "no" "It’s nothing. Just hoping we can find something quick," Nick said. "mature? you hit Groundspider with his OWN bamboo staff for calling you kid last weel" Snowhalk said knowingly. I get up and head back to the bedroom of the RV and once inside I get pulled out of my short and into a bed pile between Kori and Katy who are loving up on me hard. I am getting love and praise as we hear the first snore come out of Mathilda. We chuckle a little bit before nodding off as we hope to get out of Utah by late morning tomorrow. I still worry about Liz back home but if she’s learned anything from me it’s how to get revenge and I’m actually curious to see how bad Ben get’s it when we get back. “Sorry, sorry.” She had backed me up into deeper water, and I had no clue where Eve had gone off to. Suddenly the water was high up on my chest and Brook was pressing close to me. "That looks ready for another round, if I'm not mistaken." Brittany licked her lips. Her pussy felt a little sore, so she thought she might give another thing she'd seen on the Internet a try. "Can I do it with my mouth?" " so you can't eat salads at all " "Look, I gave you a hickey." she said, smiling. “Don't worry. It doesn't matter.” Carol ran from the room, running into Rob in the hallway. Her little brother, two years behinde her, was having sex on a regular basis with a girl from her class. And he was good at it. Carol had had sex twice and neither was a memorable experience. First, Kevin had popped her cherry and just as she'd begun to get comfortable with his invading cock he's grunted and rolled off. She and Chris had gone out a few times. She'd given him a handjob on the third date and on the fourth he decided to go for home. He too had been a major disappointment. She fell on top of him and lay there for a while collecting herself before she propped herself up and looked at him with hope in her eyes. Mrs. Dithers wailed. Ginny shifted to the right and then to the left to no avail. Finally she found a position that, while not exactly comfortable, eased the pain somewhat. She lay back for a moment, contemplating the idea that perhaps she should just sleep the time away when she felt a warm trickle between her legs. “You mean, with you? Both of us naked, right in front of each other?” Beth thought about the idea for a moment before going on. “Yeah, that’d be fun! I’d get to see your body, and your . . . parts! I’ve never seen a boy naked before! Let’s go!” With that, she leaped off the seat and headed for the outdoor shower at the back of the barn. Their Dad had fabricated the cold-water shower so that they could rinse off the mud and grime of the cattle stalls before going back into the house. The next morning we overslept and when Tris went looking for Becky he found out that she and her family had already left for home. <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> “Ah... have you looked in a mirror lately? You are the most beautiful girl in the neighbourhood. If you had not blushed first I probably would be the one stammering.” Greg said. Both girls were in a local girl"s soccer league. This particular weekend, they had a game way off in the corner of the state. The four of them drove up together and expected to drive back after the game on the same day. It was summer and the heat beat down on the car as they drove. Even the AC running at top speed didn't really seem to help. The girls were sweaty from the game; the guys were sweaty from watching. Now they were all irritable and sweating from the heat. Mike was tooling along the two lane road over the mountains that divided this part from the rest of the state. They were following a truck carrying junk when going around a tight turn; a large piece fell out of the truck as it went round a tight curve. Mike didn"t see the metal until it was bouncing right in front of the car. The sickening crunch of metal against metal jolted all four occupants. Mike saw the junk come out behind them and roll off into the trees. "Shit," he said. “Oh, no,” Jakob thought, “this is the last thing I need.” He looked up and almost died. It was Jessie, the most beautiful, sexiest girl in the class—the one with the hottest body, the best breasts, the tightest ass, the hottest legs in the entire county. Jakob looked around; all the other seats seemed to be filled. James let out a small chuckle before grabbing her hair forcefully. “Is that so?” He got closer to her mouth before pushing his lips hard against hers. She screamed into his mouth and tried to get away, only to have James grip tighten on her hair. “They can’t find you if your body isn’t here” he whispered against her throat, his eyes still on mine. “Too bad we’re not practicing Catholics now. I could make you do penance.” I wrapped my arms around her and we lay there in the darkness, cuddled beneath her blanket. Michelle’s breathing began to slow, and soon she was asleep. I stared up at the roof of my car and told myself I’d remember this night ‘til the day I died. She was right, though I didn’t verbally answer her. Instead, I just had to enjoy this magical moment. I got up from my chair, always looking Marie straight in the eye. I could see this seductive smile on her face once again, she knew exactly what was coming. And probably she was eagerly waiting for it. I made my way around the desk, not saying a word. I stopped right beside her, my hips were level with her face. I pulled down both my pants and my underwear in one go, exposing what was waiting for her for so long. My dick was already semi-erect just from the expectation of what was to come. 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