Chamberlain garage door opener sensor orange

This is a fan fiction set concurrent to episode 122 of Nature of Predators. Events depicted here are not cannon, though perhaps they could be...
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Memory transcription subject: Tamil, Venlil observer, UNS Cheyenne
Date [standardized human time]: January 15, 2137
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“Con, Sonar, Deep Core is advancing, sir” the sonar operator informed Captain Thompson. It was our signal to begin our own operation. Cheyenne had orders to cover Deep Core, a mission which the captain had referred to as “operation ruckus”. My translator implied to me that this meant we would be making a lot of noise.
“Con aye. Mr Kamorov, make your depth 700 meters.”
“Make my depth 700 meters aye, sir.”
I shivered a little as the hull of the submersible groaned around me, being compressed by the ocean's depths. The thought of it honestly terrified me, but several months ago I would have said the same of my human companions. Their crisp professionalism was on full display though, and it calmed me as I watched the various crewmen perform their duties.
From what I read of my briefing, Cheyenne was smaller than Deep Core, lacking several of the features that the larger submersible had, but emphasizing others. The humans called it a “hunter-killer”. Honestly, they weren't even trying to hide their predatory nature with this one. In the compartments to the front were a set of torpedo tubes, loaded with the latest of their underwater weapons, ingenious devices that could be either remotely or self guided. Behind me were the engine spaces, housing a single powerful reactor and what the humans called a pump jet. An extensive sensor suite rounded out the ship.
“Con Sonar, new contact, Sierra 1. New Contact, Sierra 2.”
“Con aye. Chief, I want a fire solution for both contacts.”
“Aye captain, already working on it.”
“Open outer tube doors”
“Open outer tube doors, aye.”
The crew was so calm, but I had seen them drill on this sequence of commands before. The humans were about to strike like the predators they were. It would be quick, deadly, and without mercy.
“Solution ready captain.”
“Target Sierra 1, tube one, fire.”
“Target Sierra 1, tube one, fire. Torpedo away!”
“Target Sierra 2, tube two, fire.”
“Target Sierra 2, tube two, fire. Torpedo away!”
“CON, SONAR, SIERRA TWO EVADING!”
“Con aye! Helm, make your course 240, depth 900. Steer the weapons.” *“*240, depth 900 aye.”
“Steer the weapons aye”.
The human weapons responded instantly as Cheyenne came about. I watched the ranges tick down to zero, and a moment later we heard two detonations.
“Con, Sonar, contacts breaking up. New contacts, Sierra 3, Sierra 4... HIGH SPEED SCREWS!”
“Torpedo in the water!”
“Hard left rudder, all ahead two thirds, up 20!”
"Full rise, clear water planes!"
My heart skipped a beat and I grabbed hold of a railing to steady myself as the Cheyenne leaned into the turn and pitched upwards. A few moments later we heard the scream of the farsul weapon as it passed below us.
“Captain, we have solutions.”
“Con, Sonar, Deep Core is firing.”
“Steady on course 090, all quiet.”
Cheyenne came level and glided through the water. We heard the tell tale sound of two more detonations, with the sonar operator reporting Sierra 3 and 4 breaking up.
"Now what, Captain?” I asked. Honestly I was frightened out of my mind. The humans had a term called claustrophobia, fear of enclosed spaces, but I never knew what it meant until now. A large part of me was filling with panic but there was nowhere to go.
Captain Thompson smiled, his mouth closed, lips forming a thin line in deference to me. “Well Mr. Tamil, it's doubtful that there were only four defenders. The rest are likely hiding, waiting for a better opportunity. They know we're here, we're ready to fight. They're not going to provoke us when we have the advantage.”
“So we won?”
“Hardly. They're just being more cautious. Predators are in among the heard, best to hide and wait for the chance to strike back.”
The human captain's words did little to reassure me, but I focused on his calm voice and found my panic easing.
DONG!!!
The sound made me jump and my ears rang in pain. “What was that?”
“Active ping. Sonar, Con, was that Deep Core?”
“Yes sir. New contact, Sierra 5. Deep Core is under attack, but is evading. Deep Core is returning fire.”
“Any other contacts?”
"Nothing I can classify sir. Sierra 5 hit, contact breaking up.”
“Very well.” Captain Thompson turned towards me. “Are you ready for things to get interesting, Mr. Tamil?”
I swallowed hard. “More interesting than they already are, captain?”
The captain smiled again, but this time there was a much more predatory gleam in his eye. “The farsul want to hide. Our job is to draw them out. Chief?”
“Aye Captain?”
“Remember that list of targets of opportunity we were given? Let's go down the list.”
“Aye Captain! Diving officer, make your depth 50 meters. Fire control, battle station missile.”
“Make my depth 50 meters aye”
“Battle stations missile aye”
I watched as the weapons officer flipped several switches and a new bank of lights turned on. With a wave of his hand, the lights turned from green to red as the hull around us popped and sighed. As we leveled off, the weapons officer began typing quickly. Every time he tapped the “enter” key, the words “target locked” appeared next to one of the numbered lights.
“Solutions ready, Captain.”
“Thank you Chief. You may fire when ready.
“Fire when ready aye. VLS one through four, open outer doors.”
“VLS one through four, open outer doors aye. Outer doors open. Weapons ready for launch.
“Launch VLS one through four.”
There was a slight lurch and four missiles kicked out of their launch tubes in the front of the Cheyenne. Within seconds the Sonar operator was calling us again. Dozens of contacts making themselves known, approaching rapidly.
“Alright Cheyenne, time to get to work!”

Part 1 - https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/11ovngn/i_play_a_game_they_call_sleep_points_every_night/
Previous Part - https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/13deva8/i_play_a_game_they_call_sleep_points_every_night/
When I got home from school, even though I knew the clock wasn’t literally going to try to eat me alive like it always seemed to want to on weeknights, I still watched it intensely, dreading every minute that passed. Even though this had all been what I was hoping for over the course of the last week and a half, going through with everything I would need to do to meet up with Anastasia at her hour in the middle of the night still seemed way scarier than just dealing with the clock’s nightly threats against my life which, by that point, had become something of a routine for me.
At 11:00 PM, my parents looked like they had gone to sleep. I would wait another hour as Anastasia had advised. I would leave at midnight. And that wouldn’t be a problem since it was a Friday night, and my clock wasn’t going through its usual changes. By that time, the clock hadn’t started glowing or even turning the slightest shade of red.
When midnight did come, the clock was still in the same state as it was at 11. My parents were still asleep. They hadn’t even gotten up for a bathroom break. I turned on the kitchen lights, hoping it wouldn’t wake my parents up. It didn’t. I went to the kitchen table to take the keys to my father's truck. They weren’t there. I had no idea where else to look for them.
I tried looking all around the kitchen and living room. I checked mom and dad's bathroom. Nothing. I didn’t know how I would make my way to Anastasia’s house now. I could just picture her, spending all night at her back door, waiting for me to show up, without me ever coming. Maybe I'd find the keys tomorrow. But that seemed like a fat chance since dad wasn't gonna be driving anywhere tomorrow.
I wouldn't have him to find them for me. It looked like I’d have to wait a whole nother week on any answers now.
I had recently invested in a new watch. I had some allowance money left over from when I was a kid. My school has a little gift shop with small things like school-themed wristwatches, so after my last class of the day, I stopped by and picked up a College High watch so I could check the time without needing to look at the clock in my room or at my phone. I'm bringing this up because at around this point I was watching with increasing anxiety as time was passing by. According to the watch, the time now was 12:30 and I still didn’t have any access to my father’s car.
I was already feeling hopeless enough, just thanks to that fact, but then I remembered that I still didn’t even know how to get to Anastasia’s house.
Since I still didn’t know where the keys were and it didn’t look like I’d find them any time soon, I figured I’d take a break from looking, and go on my phone to look up her address on google maps. I knew I shouldn’t have been using my phone since it was apparently super important not to let it die. I figured it must've been one of those rules like keeping my head under the blanket when The Sandman showed up, along with the rest of my body. But I would only need my phone for a few minutes. Just enough time to look at google maps and sketch out a rough map of the route from my house to Anastasia’s.
The first thing I noticed when I typed in her address was that, thankfully, her house wasn’t too horrendously far away from mine. It would just be a 4-mile drive. So hopefully this meant that, if push did come to shove, I could still just walk there if I had too. I’d probably be late, but that would be better than not showing up at all. So, I at least had that as a back-up plan if nothing else. But it would still be risky. It would take a lot of time to walk there, and then to walk back. Maybe mom and dad would be up after all was said and done. Maybe they’d hear me coming back inside the house, regardless of how I made it to Anastasia’s. Maybe I’d wake up Anastasia’s parents too.
Since I only had an hour and thirty-five minutes left, I had no time to worry all that much about any of this though. I had to get to work, jotting down the path to Anastasia’s house. I would turn left out of my driveway, stay on that road for about a mile and a half, then turn right and stay on that road for another half-mile, then turn left for another mile, and then left again for a final fourth mile.
Another thing I noticed was that Anastasia lived out in the middle of absolute nowhere. I thought I did too, but Anastasia’s house was on a whole nother level of out there.
Fortunately, that meant I’d be driving pretty much exclusively on backroads, so it would literally be impossible to take a wrong turn after I made my first turn out of the driveway and the next right turn after that after about a mile and a half. It also meant that I would be pretty much guaranteed not to run into any other drivers, especially at that time of night. But I guess her remote address explained why she didn’t have the internet connection she would need to do a video call.
Since it was a quarter to 1 by that point, after I found out how to drive to her house, I put on all the layers I could find, took the flashlight that my mom had given me for the walk I had went on during the week prior, and started trying to walk over there, without my parents’ car, despite her recommendations. Even though it was four miles by car, I wouldn't have to worry about staying on the road if I just walked there. If I walked in a straight line, I could get there in just over 2 and half miles or so. I had decided to leave, not out of the front door, but out of the door in the hallway that led to the garage. That door made less noise than the front door.
Unfortunately, I started to get the sense that I hadn’t thought this plan through when I realized I would still have to open the garage door in order to make my way into the outside world. Which, yeah, made considerably more noise than the front door. But then I realized it didn’t matter, since I was gonna have to open the garage door anyway if I wanted to get the car out of the garage and onto the road. So, I had still made the right decision. Except no I hadn’t, because I had just remembered that I still didn’t have the car keys, and so I was supposed to be ditching the whole car idea anyway and had just randomly forgotten about all of that.
I know that all probably sounded pretty messy and wasn't very easy to follow, but maybe someone else reading with ADHD can relate. But anyway, confusing thought processes aside, I walked out the front door and started making my way to Anastasia’s on foot. It really was freezing though. I really did wonder if I could actually make it all the way to her house.
Before I even made it to the end of the driveway, I began to change my mind and decided driving really would be a more reasonable alternative. Obviously, the backroads wouldn’t even be close to snow plowed. But the snow only looked to be about maybe 6 or 7 inches deep, which was still driveable enough with the snow-proof tires that my dad had on his truck. This level of snow isn't all that uncommon around here, so those tires are pretty much a must-have for anybody living in deathly cold climates like us.
So, I could still drive despite the snow, albeit only very slowly what with how much the snow would slow me down. But I was supposed to be driving slowly anyway because I was only 14 and didn’t have a license. But I still couldn’t drive without those keys. Then I remembered I still had my bike in the garage. It was supposedly “all terrain”, so hopefully that meant it could handle the snow. I went into the garage, got my bike out, and tried riding it. Unfortunately, the tires on that bike weren’t even close to capable of handling the snow. I tried pedaling as hard as I could but hardly got anywhere before falling over. I had a feeling this would probably happen. It seemed like a dumb idea but, since I didn’t want to steal my dad’s truck and I couldn’t even seem to find his keys anyway, I figured it was at least worth a shot.
I was just about to say “fuck it” and try meeting Anastasia again on some other night when, just as I had put my bike down in the garage, I had seen that my dad had left behind his keys in the key slot of his car door. Apparently, the reason that they weren’t where they usually were was because my father had locked the truck and just forgot to take his keys with him. I turned the key sticking out of the driver’s side door and it opened. So I really could get inside of his truck after all.
I put the key into the ignition and then put it in reverse. The truck made quite a bit of noise when its ignition started, so I had just hoped that I hadn’t woken up my parents with that. Luckily, my garage is on the other side of the house from where my parents sleep, so the sound did at least have a long way to travel. Once I started backing the truck out of the garage and into the driveway, I ran into another problem. Since the roads weren’t plowed, they were just as snowy as anywhere else. So even with the rearview mirror, I had no idea where my driveway stopped and the road started. I figured I would just keep backing up until I felt like I’d gone far enough.
Far enough came sooner than expected though. Eventually, the car had very clearly backed into the grass, meaning I had backed up too far. Fortunately, I saw that I hadn’t veered too much out of the straight line I was trying to go in, because driving in reverse meant I could see the truck’s tracks right in front of me with the help of the headlights. The car fell onto the grass from back to front. So that meant that the road was now directly in front of me. Since I needed to take a left from my house if I was facing away from it, and I was now facing the opposite direction given that I was looking right at it, that meant that I now had to make a right turn in order to still be going in the right direction.
I took a moment to make sure my logic was right and, once I felt confident, I turned the truck right and then tried to feel for where the road was based on how well the truck was able to move. Eventually I was able to drive relatively smoothly, so I took that to mean that I was back on the road. I tried to angle myself properly so that I wouldn’t wind up veering off the road again. Now and then I would wind up driving myself off the road. But since I was only going like 5 miles an hour, I was able to catch myself before the car wound up falling into any ditches or something.
Since the road was entirely empty, I eventually made the decision to just drive in the middle of the road. Or at least, wherever I thought the middle of the road was. That way, I’d limit the likelihood of driving myself off the right edge.
After about 20 or 30 minutes of driving painfully slowly, I finally saw the sign for my first turn. Since all the turns I was making were fairly sharp ones, they were basically all 90 degrees, there were road signs that I could use to gauge when I should turn without needing to see the road itself. So I still knew when to do it, even though I couldn’t see the road under all the snow and I couldn't use GPS since my phone had to stay on the charger at all costs.
But the snow still made those sharp turns very difficult to make. So I had to start all my turns pretty far ahead of where they actually would’ve been in the road. Naturally, I wound up driving off the road when making literally all of them. But I was always able to work out where the road was supposed to be soon enough. I guess since people are more likely to veer off the road when making turns as opposed to when they’re driving straight, there didn’t seem to be any ditches around all those sharp turns, thankfully enough.
After I made that first turn, I checked my watch. It was now a quarter after 1. I still had 50 minutes to go. I wasn’t making great time, but I had still made it about a third of the way in only about 25 minutes. If I kept up the pace, I’d be there after just under an hour of driving. Which would put me there a little bit after 2 AM. So, pretty much exactly at 2:05, the time we agreed on.
I kept on driving incredibly slowly for what felt like forever. Finally I had made my last turn, and after a bit, I could see lights from the houses off the side of the road in the distance. I figured that this must be the neighborhood Anastasia lived in. If you could even call it a neighborhood. The houses were so hugely spaced out that it hardly even made sense to say you had neighbors. But then, she really did live out in the middle of nowhere.
Every time I passed by a house, I got out of the car and looked for an address with my flashlight. This slowed me down, but it still ensured that I would be headed for the right house. I kept the slip of paper with her address on it since I knew that, without that sheet, I’d absolutely forget which address was hers. I was actually pretty pleased with myself for having thought ahead like that. I usually didn’t. I guess I still usually don’t, if I’m being honest.
I was worried that this whole procedure of getting out of the car to scope out for an address every time I passed a new house would make me late. But fortunately, Anastasia’s house was the third house I came across on that street. So thankfully, I didn’t wind up having to check that many houses and it only cost me maybe another 5 minutes. When I checked my watch, I found I had actually arrived sooner than I had thought. Even with checking every house I had come across up to that point for the address, it was only 1:50.
I had made it with 15 minutes to spare. That meant I had made that last two thirds of my trip in about the same amount of time that I had spent on my first, meaning I had wound up going twice as fast. I suppose as I had gotten comfortable with driving, I sped up the car a little without even realizing it. Doubling your speed sounds like it should be a huge difference, but when you’re only going from 5 miles per hour to 10, I guess it must be pretty hard to notice.
Since I had so much time left and the weather outside was still hellishly cold, I stayed in the truck with the heater blaring. After a couple of minutes, I noticed an ominous red light glowing out of the side of the house. That seemed off to me since surely that couldn’t have anything to do with Anastasia’s clock. It wasn’t a weeknight and even if it was, it was still well past midnight. I remembered what she had told me about how I was still on Stage One. Maybe the fact that she was on a much later stage had something to do with what I was seeing. The fact that I was still on Stage One did, after all, seem like it had something to do with the fact that I was only threatened by the clock on weeknights.
My curiosity had gotten the better of me, and so I braved the cold and snow to go check out what was happening. There was a window on the side of the house. The curtains were left open so with the red light blaring from it, I could see inside fairly easily. Especially since the house was only one story, so it wasn’t like the window was too high up off the ground for me to see through, either.
My fears had been confirmed. Upon looking into the room, I could see exactly where the red light was emanating from: the clock on the nightstand. The face inside was as clear as ever. Every feature slowly growing, approaching the glass in front of the clock’s face. But it wasn’t looking at me. It was very clearly directing its vile and hateful gaze at the person under the covers.
The person had her head covered underneath the blanket, so I couldn’t directly tell who it was. But I figured it had to be Anastasia. For one, there was no way in hell anybody else in her family was playing Sleep Points too. I mean, what are the odds of that? And for another, the room pretty clearly looked like it belonged to a teenage girl about Anastasia’s age. Everything looked like it was pink and had all kinds of frills to it. I even noticed some boyband poster on the other end of the room. If this wasn’t the most stereotypical teenage girl’s room, I had no fucking clue what was.
Finally, 2 o’clock had come. I could see why she had told me 2:05. I had never seen the monster from the clock break out. I had always had my head under the covers whenever it happened. But since this was Anastasia’s clock and not mine and since the face in the clock was staring her down and not me, and since I had entire wall separating me from the thing, I guess I somehow managed to muster up the courage to watch the monster in action.
Suddenly, the hands and numbers of the clock’s face began to almost melt into the monster’s face. It had broken out of the sheet of glass holding it back. But that seemed to be the only thing that was broken. The rest of the actual clock remained pretty intact as the unspeakable thing from within started to slither out of the clock and onto the floor. Since the hands and numbers were still on its face, it kinda looked like they had been imprinted on it like some kind of tattoo artwork. It very quickly expanded in size and let out this unholy screech that I could hear very loudly even from behind the window. But Anastasia was still sleeping very peacefully. Totally motionless like nothing at all was going on.
It prowled around her bed, looking for the slightest sign of motion. It looked almost skeptically at her. As if it could tell whether she was really sleeping or not. And God only knows what would’ve happened to her if she wasn’t. Eventually the monster seemed satisfied with what he saw and shrunk himself down to his original size. He slid back into the clock and as he did so, there was one last glow of red light. The glass had been restored. It was now 2:01.

Hear me out before you "but I don't have any investors or work with the backend server architecture stuff."
Yeah, neither did half of the tech startups, but they found investors and then played their strengths and hired their weaknesses. Half of them failed upwards. You caught the attention of big fucking names at Apple, enough to put you on stage, dude.
Reach out to their people, find investors, hire your weaknesses. You've got the app development down, obviously. People are talking about leaving Reddit in droves because Reddit itself means jack shit. It's the people and the experience people care about. If you've proven anything here it's that user experience is king.
One door closes and another opens. Time for you to view this as life telling you that...you don't need the teat of a pig boy anymore, you're more than talented enough to make your own big thing...for real.
Jobs and Wozniak famously started in a garage, you're way beyond that.
Good luck in whatever you decide to do next, but please do believe that the world is in your hands. You will grow and learn from this, and probably decide that you won't be in a situation again where someone can pull the plug on you. And I'm not saying that was a mistake, I'm saying you're a big enough deal now that you don't have to settle for not being the Captain of whatever ship you sail.

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The sensation of dreaming was still somewhat foreign to Efrain. Part of him was fully integrated into the dream, believing whatever strange logic that was thrust upon him. The other part was an independent observer, watching as its counterpart was tugged about on the tides of absurdity. Most of it was inky and jumbled recollections of the past few days, monsters and pages scrawled with ink and sharp steel.
Then it very much wasn’t.
He was in a contorted, expanded reminiscence of the office in Karkos. Wood panelling stretching into misty heights, lined with the relatively unadorned bridges and walkways of the Kakros canals. Bookshelves upon bookshelves were laid into the walls of this now titanic space.
The first sensation that came to Efrain was the ache of vanish eyes at the sheer expanse of the library. Even the cathedrals and halls of Angorrah paled in comparison to the immensity of the endless bookshelves. The second sensation was marvelling at how he was aware of any of this at all.
Tentatively, he picked a book from one of the many shelves, its red cover bearing no inscription. As he opened the pages, they flickered and tessellated out, until his whole world was the text and paper. And slowly, words began to resolve into their real, physical components.
‘Water’ became a sparkling sea, ‘orange’ became a expanse of bloody sky, ‘friends’ stretched and warped into the shape of two men, sitting on the steps of a stone pyramid. The city around them was far smaller, without most of the wooden constructions and walkways that now dominated it. There was a clear line to the sea, and Efrain was sitting under the shade of a parasol, dressed in purple robes.
“Well, that about settles it,” said Nicolo, his dark beard just beginning to take on the fullness that would remain throughout his life.
“No it does not,” Armsted responded, “I’m already on the ropes with my family for how many women I allow you to visit here. I do not consent, I don’t even have the authority to consent to this.”
“Oh you’ll figure it out,” Nicolo said, shoving his friend, in a move that might’ve been dangerous for anyone less heavily built than Armsted, “everyone knows you’re the real heir anyways, not that pig that buries his heads between every set of thighs he comes across.”
“Rock, meet glass house,” said Armsted, shoving back.
“Oh please, I’ve reformed,” Nicolo said, pressing his hand to his chest, “I’ve seen the errors of my ways - there’s only one woman for me now.”
He turned around to look at Efrain under his parasol, his expression shining bright through the veil Efrain was wearing.
“Attest for me, friend,” he said, plantiff.
“Reformed?” Efrain mused, “Well, if you mean in the same sense as Angorrah - costing far too many innocent lives in the process, to dubious ends, then I’d be inclined to agree.”
Armsted laughed, and the two young men began to playfully wrestle in the roof top pool, surrounded by modified lunar lilies. He sighed and shut the book on the various sun dances he’d been reading, hoping that their splashing didn’t get too much water in the planters. The poor plants were so sensitive after all, too much water and they’d rot from the stem up.
“You know-” Efrain said, “some might say you-”
Bam. Like a book being shut hurriedly, Efrain was back in the impossibly huge library, the book closed in his hands. Efrain looked down at the cover, only to find that it was now gone, lost somewhere on the infinite shelves.
“What?” he said, “No, no, hold on, give it back.”
He tried to parse the various volumes, and couldn’t find a single one of the deep blood red that the volume had been. Still, there were plenty more, so he picked one at random. It was an older text, with yellowed pages, and worn leather coverings.
Once more the text on the page expanded and morphed into the real world.
He was in another office, larger than the one in Karkos, the wood panelling in this one darker, the bookshelves larger. Red curtains were drawn back from a whole wall of windows, overlooking a city of considerable size. Efrain recognized it from his earliest memories.
He was in Angorrah. But where? When? Just after he’d completed his transformation.
His question was answered and saw the dark coloured hands that rested on his massive, and cluttered desk. He wanted to reach up to his face, to feel if there was still meat on his cheeks, eyes still in their sockets. But alas, this was just a memory and he only could watch it play out before him.
There was note on his desk, stained with what looked like tears. Were they his? What was the note saying? He couldn’t quite notice, given that his gaze was locked on the city. The note remained stolidly at the edges of his vision, despite how he might will his eyes to move.
He came up towards the glass, laying a hand on it, feeling and marveling at the cold against his now living flesh.
There was a knock at the door, a student perhaps. Efrain wiped his eyes, and hastily composed himself for the visitor. Without so much as looking, he walked over to the desk and seized the note, crumpling it violently and thrusting it into a pocket.
“Yes, ahem, yes! Come in, please,” he said.
The door creaked open and in walked-
Bam. He was out, back in the library. The book was gone, lost once more on the shelves.
“No!” he cried, “That was- that was-”
“You don’t belong here,” came a voice.
He turned, finding a suspended platform, littered with desks, and what looked like an immense pile of written on pages. As he watched, it rose, swirling as one enormous mass. There was something familiar about it, just at the edges of his consciousness.
“I am familiar, because you have seen me before,” came the voice, “but you should not have come. This place is not for you.”
“The books in this place, are they all memories? Even the ones that happened before I-”
“Not memories. You’ve said - memories are knowledge. Knowledge can lie. They are truth. Not in the absolute, but the truth of what happened in time.”
“Well,” Efrain said, “I want to know more.”
“No,” said the crawling lines of text, constantly forming and reforming, “twice you have been pulled back from this place. First by the-”
The voice made a sequence of sounds that Efrain couldn’t parse. The whole scene seemed to shudder at what must have been language.
“She knocked you loose, hence you can float free. I doubt it was intended. Now I must deal with the consequences.”
“Here,” he said, “where is here? What are you?”
“No one,” said the thing standing tall as the space blurred and contorted around her, “My name is gone. By function, I remember when all forget. Here is here. My garden, my library, my vault. You have been brought here by mere chance, now GO.”
With that final word, Efrain was sent careening forwards as the entire scene shifted sideways. Falling with the contents of the entire library, soon the pages became his entire vision.
Then he was back in the office of Karkos, the mentor craning over him, clearly concerned by his lack of movement.
“Master Efrain?” he said, holding a tray with a pot and cups, “I had fetched the tea like you asked, but you weren’t responding.
Efrain flexed his fingers, touching his mask, and found nothing but cold bone and stone, respectfully.
“Yes, well,” Efrain said, “I must’ve fallen asleep. Odd, I rarely need it. Oh, and you brought the tea, how thoughtful.”
“Yes. I have it on the recommendation of the professor you sat in on that the persimmon blend is particularly fragrant. ‘Warms the soul’ he said.”
“Let’s hope he doesn’t bare a grudge,” Efrain said as the tray was set before him.
“If you were anyone else, he might’ve,” laughed the mentor, “but seeing a historical figure, one of the founders of the academy no less, come to refute his own work? It doesn’t get much better for a scholar of history.”
Efrain chuckled as the tea was poured, filling the room with a scent that indeed warmed the soul.
“To tell you the truth, I thought that I’d forgotten how to teach,” Efrain said, taking the cup and inhaling deeply, “I’ve spent so many years on my own, lost in my books in distant locales. I haven’t had true students in decades. Well, except…”
The mentor sat forward, clearly curious at what kind of person Efrain might’ve taken on as a student.
“I met a girl, young girl, in a mountain village,” he said, smoothing over the church, “well, quite a few things happened. It all got a bit messy - overlapping parties with overlapping interests, and all that. She ultimately fell under my wing. Curious girl. Actually, her mother was from the city.”
The man nodded vigorously, encouraging him to continue as he sipped from one of the cups.
“Now that I recall, her mother was…” Efrain snapped his fingers, “now what was her name? Well, it doesn’t matter. I’ll think of it later. In any case, she was bizarre. Has a magical affliction.”
“A magical affliction? Do you mean a curse?”
“Well, perhaps,” Efrain said, tapping his temple, “curses on objects are hard enough, especially if you want them to endure. Putting on living creatures is notoriously difficult. In fact, did you know there’s some old accounts of the sorcerers living on the steppes north of Angorrah. They came in conflict with the church, and they would send in goats to the city with bezoars loaded to the brim with magic. The poor animals would then explode.”
The scholar could not possibly be more interested than anything else. Efrain was unsure if this was merely perfected flattery, or genuine fascination on the man’s part. Either way, it elevated his opinion - if flattery, this level was an art in itself.
“Unfortunately, it didn’t do them a whole lot of good in the end,” Efrain sighed, staring out the windows, “none of those that resisted the Helgacite expansion did well. Angorrah was too well organised to leave stragglers.”
“Except the northern mountain kingdoms,” said the mentor.
“Well, that’s true,” conceded Efrain, “only because Angorrah had conquered half a dozen other countries by then and didn’t want to spread their forces further. The mountain men were shrewd - locking them into a contract like that.”
Efrain thought about the forested regions of Inalthia, where the borders of Angorrah ran up against its northern mountains. It’d been nothing when he’d passed through, almost three hundred years prior. He wondered if it had also expanded into sprawling townships, like Karkos had in his absence. Of course, they had the notable advantage of being basecamp for any and all mining operations in the region, and the reception point of the mountain men’s tithes to boot.
“But, back to the girl I spoke of. Odd creature. Bright. Part of a set, actually,” Efrain said, putting down the teacup.
“Oh?”
“Yes, of three. The other two are twins. Completely unrelated to her, from Erratz actually.”
“How curious!” said the mentor, nodding to indicate he knew the city.
“Yet all sharing the same affliction. They have these… scars. They wrap around their arms and hands. No pattern that I could see. And when they use magic, they glow from within.”
The mentor had put down his cup, and was leaning into Efrain now, hardly daring to breath.
“It’s fascinating, really,” Efrain said, “and they have these memories. Not their own. Supposedly they’re of the founding gods of the church.”
“Bizzare!” said the man.
“Oh yes, quite,” Efrain said, enjoying the exaggerated reactions of his converser, “and they have the most striking capacity for magic I’ve ever seen. They pick up things in a handful of tries that might take others hours to do. Not to mention just how deep their wells run.”
“And they all share this same trait?” said the man, fiddling with his spectacles.
“Oh yes,” Efrain said, “different children, obviously, with their own individual identities and personalities, but all with the same affliction. Fascinating isn’t it? So, through some twists and turns, one of the ultimately came to me for guidance. I should go check up on her, to see if she’s alright.”
“If you know which families they’re staying at, I could bring you to them,” said the mentor, “but you’ll be seeing them at the Festival tomorrow, or so it is said.”
“I see, well, there’s no rush, at least for now,” Efrain said, reclining in the chair.
“By the way, I can’t help but notice you’ve not sipped your tea. Is there something wrong? More honey?”
“Err…” Efrain said,thinking fast, “of course. Speaking of cursed items! This mask. Fused to my face. Quite unremovable, I think. Can’t eat or drink anything.”
“That’s horrible!” said the Mentor, standing up, “we must remove it at once! You’ll starve.”
“No, no, my good man, though I appreciate the thought,” Efrain said, “it’s been stuck to me for some time, you see. Quite useful in a way, it would seem it’s curse also spares the wielder from starvation and thirst, also sleep, for the most part.”
“Oh,” he said, “well how did you come by such a device?”
“It was a curiosity, one that I didn’t take care when handling,” Efrain said, wagging his finger, “a good lesson for you. Even the wisest can be unfathomably careless. I might miss the comforts of food and drink, but I’ve found other ways to amuse myself. My nose has gotten quite sharp. The professor was right, the blend warms the soul.”
That seemed to placate the mentor, who resumed sipping on his blend, though not without occasional guilty looks at Efrain’s full cup. Before they could resume the conversation, there was a knock at the door to the study.
“That’d be some of the students,” said the mentor, getting up to let them in, “they went to the library to get the texts you requested.”
Several young men and women filed in, arms filled with bound volumes, as well as brushes and inkpots. The mentor was quick to dismiss them as he began to reorganize the journals in order of instruction. Efrain was happy to sit and scent the tea as he did so.
“Well, there’s that,” the mentor said, slightly sweaty after moving so many volumes around, “Twelve in total, representing most of your attributed work. There are other books that reference yours. Oh dear, I’ll suppose those will have to be changed as well.”
“That’s was second editions are for,” Efrain said as he flicked open the cover of the first book, reading the brief foreword, “I assume you have a press in the city.”
“Several,” said the mentor, “we took the designs from Angorrah, and improved upon it. The artisans called it “woefully inefficient” when they first started building them. Also “tacky”.”
Efrain laughed as he finished the prelude, more self-aggrandizing nonsense from Nicolo, though not as audacious as some of the lies he’d put together in his youth. Seems like age had tempered that particular tendency.
“They would,” Efrain said, “I assume you just lease copies to them?”
“Oh yes. The previous mentor tried to sell the entire manuscripts to them!” he huffed, “selling off our academies heritage for profit, I say.”
“Can’t imagine too many were happy about that. I can see why you were selected as his successor.”
“You flatter me, master Efrain,” he said, bowing his head low with a smile of appreciation.
Within the first few pages, Efrain already knew exactly where the bulk of this book had come from. He also knew that it would have to be entirely rewritten for accuracy's sake. He’d already committed, however, there was no backing out of this one. To his surprise, however, the historical footnotes were both well sourced and actually quite informative.
Always more interested in history, Efrain thought, shaking his head and smiling in his mind.
“Well, is there anything else you’d like to discuss master?” he said, “or should I leave you to it?”
“I think we’re done for the time being, my friend,” Efrain said, gesturing to the piles of papers, “I have my work cut out for me, it would seem.”
“I can send up a senior student to serve as a scribe if you should wish,” he said, getting up and retrieving the tea set.
“Not as a scribe - I prefer to write my own notes,” Efrain said to a nod of appreciation, “but send one up all the same, so I can fetch more paper and ink should need demand. Preferably a quiet one if possible.”
“Absolutely,” said the mentor, “I can’t tell you how excited we all are to have you! And for you to grace us with your knowledge - ah, golden opportunities abound!”
“Yes, yes,” Efrain said, before snapping his fingers, “ah yes! I figured it out.”
“What would that be?”
“The name of the girl’s mother. My student from the northern village.”
“Ah, I see. What is it?”
“Assyeria, that’s what it was,” Efrain said, wondering how he would have forgotten something so simple.
The mentor, on the other hand, turned white then red, and had to scramble to catch the tray he dropped.
[←Chapter 64] [Cover Art] [My Links] [Index] [Discord] [Subreddit] [Chapter 65→]

[←Chapter 63] [Cover Art] [My Links] [Index] [Discord] [Subreddit] [Chapter 65→]
In a rare moment, Sorore was actually having a nice dream, a normal one, one could even say. She was back home, in that moderately seized house in Erratz, laying on her mother’s lap. She could even hear the gentle sound that the needle made as it went in and out of the cloth. It was peaceful, pleasant, surrounded by familiar sound and smells, though her sight was blurry and confused.
It was not to last, as the sound of rushing water overtook all else, until she was forced awake by its unrelenting pace. When she sat up, rubbing her eyes in the broad bed, she released that it wasn’t the sound of water, nor was it relegated to her dreams. There was a commotion outside people talking in hushed but harsh tones.
Neither Lillian, nor Aya were within the room, and she wondered if they were having an argument. That wouldn’t be good - she’d watched them have the spat earlier, and that dispute didn’t need much worsening. Sorore crept to the door to the outer hallway - she loved how they slid to create whole new rooms. It was something she’d have to think about more she decided as she pulled it open and realised several things at once.
One, there were a whole lot of armoured figures in the hallway, at least four, maybe half a dozen. Two, the balcony door was open, and Lillian was currently arguing with one of them, Aya standing by looking like a mining explosive had gone off right next to her. Three, her brother and Niche had just emerged out of the room beside, and Niche was about to draw his sword at the sudden intrusion.
For a moment, she panicked, her mind going completely blank. Her mind raced with visions of bloody aftermath, and a chase through the city, back to the dinner she’d had with all those nice people.
“Oh, hello!” she blurted, drawing the surprised stares of several of the men, “who might you be?”
There was an instant of shocked silence between all parties.
“Nobody do anything!” called the man who was out on the porch, “We are representatives of the sand-shell legion, on behalf of the matriarch of the Eisen. We have come to retrieve her granddaughter.”
Niche lowered his hand from his sword belt, but Sorore could tell that he was ready to fight on a moment’s provocation. She also noticed that Kieren, in the same gown she’d worn to the square was standing in the stairwell. The woman looked so nervous Sorore thought she might fall over and down the stairs.
“Let’s move to a less cramped area,” said the captain, in a tone that brook no argument.
Eventually, it was sussed out, though not without considerable resistance on part of the paladins, that they were to meet in the great hall. As they sat, they were brought simple drinks of milk and honey, flavoured with something else that Sorore could not quite place. The two paladins looked like pacing cats, constrained on their chairs, arms crossed and eyes hard.
“Under no circumstances can we give one of ours into you custody,” said Lillian, locked in a match with the captain.
“Within the city, you are under the authority of the guard, no matter who you are. If the matriach has sent for this girl, then we have our orders.”
“As do we, captain,” said Niche, “to protect and guide each of these young women and… man, unto the holy lands of Angorrah.”
One of the guards flanking the captain whispered something in his ear.
“She’s not going to like it,” the captain said, then heard something else.
“Very well. Bloodshed before the Festival would be unwise. We have enough of that already. Right then, one of you paladins, assuming you are who you say you are, shall come with us and the lady to be received by the Eisen. I cannot say it’s likely you will have a happy reception. They will expect you to come unarmed.”
The paladins were bristling at the implied threat, and several hands were already dangerously close to their sword belts. Sorore gripped the mug that she was being offered, before Aya sat up and proclaimed to the group.
“Leave two of your men with us, then,” she said.
The captain’s eyes furrowed.
“I don’t wish to second guess you, my lady,” he said, “but why would I do that?”
“Trust,” Aya said, with a side long look at Lillian, “simple. If you leave your men with us, you can’t simply waltz off with me and my friend. Plus, it gives us men who know, and can quickly get around the city, so they can find you whenever they need to.”
The captain considered, and nodded.
“Very well my lady. Two men will be left for the disposal of your party members. But you shall have to come with us, immediately.”
“Me as well,” said Lillian.
“As you wish,” he said, “but you must disarm yourself. That is non-negotiable.”
Lillian was fuming, but unbuckled her belt and handed her armaments to Niche. The legionaries surrounded them, and departed with them out the front of the pyramid. They were left in front of the roaring fire, Kieren sitting beside them holding a considerably more full glass of the amber coloured alcohol.
“You said that this-” Niche began, his face reddened, “you sold us out!”
“Sold you out?” said Kieren incuriously as she swirled the glass around, “sold you out?”
The woman slammed down the glass on one of the nearby table, somehow not breaking it in the process.
“Maybe, you should of told us that you had the granddaughter of Aystara godsdamned Eisen in your retinue? No, forgot that little detail?”
“Okay, can we get this over with?” said Frare, picking at his nails.
“What?” said both the paladin and the trader, staring at the temerity of the youth.
“Blah, blah, we’ve all kept things from eachother,” he said, “so let’s all move on. Who is this ‘Aystara’? Why is she important?”
While Niche gaped at the casual ease from which Frare dismissed the turbulence, the trader seemed to settle.
“Only one of the two most powerful people in the city, young man,” she said, downing a shot from the glass, “between her and Edmund Poutash, it’d be easier to list what they don’t own. The docks, the schools, the farms… if you want an import or export licence? You go through her. You want to own a ship bigger than a rinky-dink fishing boat? You go through her or Potash.”
She finished the glass, and reached for the decanter, and stopped herself.
“And you waltz into the city, and conveniently forget to mention that you have her granddaughter, who hasn’t been in the city ever, if I remember correctly. To say she’d be furious that you didn’t bring the young lady before her immediately would be an understatement. And worse, you dragged us into it.”
“She must be awfully mean - you had nothing to do with us. You just hosted it.”
The woman blinked at the boldfaced remark, and Sorore delivered a good kick to his shins to drive the point home.
“No, no,” she ultimately said, “no I don’t think she’ll do anything to our family, if she believes us. She’s not unreasonable. At least, so I’ve heard. I’ve only met her once, and that was for a brief time. As for what she’ll do to you...”
She gave a pointed look at Niche.
“You tried to hid her granddaughter from her, maybe unintentionally, maybe not. If I were a betting woman, which I’m not, I would say that means trouble. If you want my advice-”
“I don’t,” said Niche, crinkling his noise.
“Don’t be stupid,” said Frare, before he howled at another kick.
Sorore’s face was burning with indignation and embarrassment. This was all too much.
“If you want my advice,” Kieren pressed on, “you’d go find and talk to your commander immediately. I could fetch for him if you wish - I know where Amicio’s home is.”
Niche, through narrowed eyes and clenched teeth, acquiesced.
“Good, now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some letters to send,” she said, “of course, though this has earned you no small amount of displeasure from certain peoples, we’ve been instructed to provide you with house and board for as long as it takes to sort this out. You are still welcome guests and you will be treated as such.”
The tepid truce struck, the children were sent back up to their rooms. Sorore tried to sleep, and managed no more than half an hour before she was woken by her brother.
“The commander’s here,” he said, “he wants to talk to us.”
The commander, looking very tired, but light of step than Sorore had ever seen him, waited by the fire. He was talking with Kieren and the two remaining legionarries in the fast-paced trading tongue of the city, but stopped when he saw the girl come downstairs.
“My lady,” he said, “it seems there’s been a huge misunderstanding.”
She realized that it was his manner of dress which was throwing her off. Instead of his usual worn and thoroughly practical travelling clothes, he wore the long flowing silks of orange and cream. It suited him, matching his calm personality.
“What misunderstanding?” she said.
“Well, we had no idea that our own Aya was the granddaughter of Aystara Eisen herself. I was surprised as anyone. Of course, I knew she was an Eisen, from her mother.”
He looked at Kieren, who looked like she was about to fall asleep.
“But I never imagined that she was a direct descendent of the main house. I thought she was part of the branch, not necessary to cause any fuss, especially during the preparation of the festival. Ah!”
He slapped his head to indicate his shock at the realisation.
“What a terrible mistake I’ve made,” he said, patting the woman’s arm, “this is all on my horrendous lack of judgement. Here’s what’s going to happen, one of these gentlemen and trader Amicio will be vouching for me at the gate. I’m going to the Eisen estate and having a friendly chat with the matriarch, to clear up this misunderstanding.”
Sorore felt at last some suggestion that someone around the city knew what was happening and what they were going to do.
“Here’s what I need you and your brother to do,” Naia said, “I want you to wait and enjoy the hospitality of the madame of the house.”
The term seemed to flatter Kieren, who flushed at the complement. Or that might’ve been the drink, Sorore wasn’t entirely sure.
“Niche, you take care of them. I expect that I might be at the estate for the rest of the night, and possibly onto next afternoon. Things are always so chaotic around the Festival. There’s no reason for you not to attend the festival opening tomorrow, if you can.”
“You want us to attend a festival?” said Niche in disbelief, “right now?”
“Well, not right now, it hasn’t started yet,” said the commander, “but, if Kieren would graciouslly agree to take you as guest of honour, you’d have excellent seats. If that’s not too much to ask, especially after our little debacle.”
Kieren nodded, and affirmed that she wouldn’t mind at all, if the matter was going to be soon cleared up. Sorore was now certain that it wasn’t just alcohol.
“Great. You’re all taken care of, now I’d better explain myself. If you wouldn’t mind,” he said, pointing to the quarter full glass, which Kieren handed to him. The commander downed it all in one, rolled his shoulders, and smiled.
“Don’t worry. It’ll all work out in the end,” he said, “in fact, I would say to enjoy yourselves, as much as you can. And best go back to bed, unless you want to be sleeping during the festival, which, I assure you from experience, you do not.”
Before they could say anything, the commander had swept by them, vanishing out of the front of the pyramid.
“You should heed him,” said Kieren, picking up the decanter and the glass and moving towards the kitchens, “if you’re stuck here for the time being, you might as well enjoy it And that starts with getting good sleep.”
“Last time you said that, we woke up to armed guards,” Niche said flatly.
“Well, I assure you, I’m not boring enough to do that a second time. It would be assassin’s from across the streets, who approach over the rooftops.”
“Do they actually exist?” asked Frare, suddenly excited.
“Oh, I’m sure,” said Kieren as she stowed away her drinking equipment, “but not tonight. Go get some sleep sir paladin, and you two young ones as well. You’ll need it.”
Sorore was cajoled up the steps, Frare coming up after her. Niche seemed placated enough for the time being, though he was clearly unhappy with the outcome. The pleasant dreams neglected to revisit for a second time, but at least the sleep was uninterrupted. When Soroe next awoke, it was a young handmadein, pulling open the screen doors.
“Good morning, my lady,” she said, “how did you sleep?”
“I- well enough, I suppose,” she said, stretching and yawning, before quickly covering her mouth.
The maid had the presence of mind not to notice as she revealed the bright sunlight streaming through the open balcony.
“It must almost be midday!” Sorore exclaimed, leaping out of the bed as she tried to straighten herself.
The maid chuckled as she finished opening up the room.
“Not to fear, my lady,” she said, “it’s customary to sleep into the early afternoon. The Festival does not start until just before sunset, afterall. In fact, you might be earlier than many of the household.”
“Oh,” Soroe said, feeling rather foolish, “Um. Well, I guess I’ll get dressed.”
“Of course. I’ve left out some clothes for you. Madame Kieren suggested that you try clothes from our city. I hope you’ll love them. Do you bathe?”
Sorore wrinkled her nose at the prospect. What kind of question was that?
“Of course I do,” she said.
“Well, there’s a place to bath at the bottom of the pyramid. If you wish to bath alone, you should go now - I’ll bring you clothes for you to change at the waterfront.”
“You bathe together here?” Sorore said
“In the mornings and evenings,” she said, “we do not bring water up into the house if we cannot avoid it. To the stone goes the sea, and to the home goes the sky.”
She looked around, then leaned in with a smile.
“Also, water is very troublesome to carry up all those flights.”
“So just come down to the waterfront?” she said, gathering up what spare things she needed.
“Just follow me, my lady,” said the handmaiden, picking up a pile of clothes and leading her down the stairs.
They emerged onto an inset pool carved into the pyramid interior. A smooth stone deck, with benches and chairs and stacks of towels, as well as several large paper screens, presumably for changing. Sorore was glad to see they were alone, at least for the time being.
At the handmaid, Kiroe’s, direction, she stripped down naked and plunged into the pool. The water was a perfect temperature - cold enough to dispel the last of the grogginess, warm enough to be pleasant to float in. She swam around for a bit, constrained by the relatively small volume, while Kiroe prepared her outfit on the deck.
“Do you mind if I join you?” came a voice from the other end.
Kieren slipped out of a thin morning dress and stepped into the water. Sorore swam over and came to stand beside her.
“Is there any news? About Aya and the commander?” she said, a little too quickly.
Kieren, who’d been sinking into the water with a sigh of contentment, opened one eye.
“Straight to business? Perhaps you are better suited to the city than I thought.”
Sorore tried to smile, but her concern was betrayed, judging by the woman’s softening of expression.
“My knowledge is limited. My uncle is serving as our representative for now. Sounds like your commander was at least allowed to make his case to the Eisen. He made note of one other companion of yours.”
“Oh? Who?” she said, pushing out into the pool, feeling the water surge over her shoulders.
“A man in black clothes,” she said, “who hides his face behind a mask. He was there for the meeting.”
“The mage?” said Sorore, before considering that she maybe shouldn’t have mentioned it.
“A mage?” said Kieren, before submerging herself in the water.
She tossed her hair back as she came back up, spraying water in a neat arc.
“Well, that explains his odd demeanour,” she said, “now, regrettably, that’s all the time I have today for bathing. I will see you at the festival.”
“Hello cousin! May I join- oh,” came a voice from the steps leading out.
It was Ivers, dressed in nothing but a loose robe, which was already half-way off his body, sculpted with muscle from hauling rope and tackle. Sorore stifled a gasp and turned away, trying not to redden.
“I can come back later,” he offered.
“Do you mind?” Kieren said to Sorore, “if you do, it’d be best to finish soon and let others bathe.”
“No, no,” she said, waving her host away.
Kiero had warned her, after all. It would be best to become accustomed to the strange ways of this beautiful city. Besides, it’s not like she hadn’t bathed before in the company of men her age back home. She cursed herself for being so self-conscious, and forced herself to turn around.
“Are you sure? I can leave if you want, it’s not-” Ivers began.
“No, it’s fine. It’s fine,” Sorore said, smiling at him, “it’d be good to have companionship.”
“Well, then, Ivers, I trust you’ll behave yourself,” said Kieren rising from the water.
“Of course, cousin,” Ivers said, casting his eyes to the floor.
Sorore tried not to take a wicked pleasure at the blush that crept across his dark complexion.
“Oh, one more thing,” whispered her host, bending over to the girl, “it’s considered polite to not look when they’re outside the water.”
Kieren laughed at Sorore’s own furious blush as she made for one of the poolside changing screens.
[←Chapter 63] [Cover Art] [My Links] [Index] [Discord] [Subreddit] [Chapter 65→]

My nparents know nothing. They don’t bother to educate themselves. They are the type to dig themselves a whole trying to “figure” sometning out than to admit they don’t know and need help.
Almost all the appliances in the house are broken. I have no clue why but the oven we have started to not work anymore. Instead of using the shit ton of money my parents have and hire a person to fix it my stupid dad decided to take matters into his own hands. Everything my mom and dad touch gets ruined. And that’s EXACTLY what happened. My dad has no clue how to fix an oven nor did he not know what was the issue is. So he decided to fucking disassemble the entire oven…now it looks like shit and mt dad got too “overwhelmed” in fixing it (cuz he never knew what to do in the first place) he just shoved all the dissembled parts in the oven and let it sit there. It’s going to be like that for the oncoming years. Its never going to be fixed. Now they have to buy a conpltlelty new oven. But they don’t “do” that stuff.
The most reasonable thing is to hire someone to fix it or buy a new oven. They won’t do neither and now we have no oven to use to cook anything. They are so fucking complicated. They’re a hassle to just live with. They’re extremely lazy. The house is falling apart before their eyes and I’m doing nothing about it. They just keep throwing out excuses from their ass. Excuses that can “excuse” them to not fix in the house. I don’t even know if this is some sort of PowerPlay.
A few years ago the ceiling was cracking under the bathroom, and there was water dripping down. My parents did absolutely nothing about it so I had to call up a family member to help. Atp I’m the only one that gives a shit about the house. They never upkeep the house. You can have a car for so long as long as you take care of it. My parents are the type by a car and not switch out the fluids and wonder why the cars lifespan is shorter😒
They are so out of touch and dull minded. It blows my mind how im smarter than them. I’m only 19 they’re in their mid 50s. The drainage system in the house has been a huge problem, and instead of getting a professional to fix it my parents do nothing about it. Basically my parents say “It’s a part of our life now.” No!!! It’s not! It shouldn’t!!! My dad keeps making up excuses. All he does it sit on he ass all day and no nothing. It’s a big issue! Instead of fixing it, they don’t do anything about it. It’s like a huge burden. It puts on the extra line responsibility that others wouldn’t have to deal with. My parents are the type of people to paint over rust and pretend it’s not there.
The back porch stair steps to my house is rusting, and a few stairs have fell so the stairs is no longer able to be used. It’s hazardous!!! I fear the whole back porch will fall apart because of its instability. So instead of taking down the staircase completely and installing a new one, my parents just closed off the staircase to not be used. I’m very jealous of this because my neighbors had the same issue and they actually took down their old staircase and installed a brand new one!!! something my parents could easily do but again THEYRE SO DAMN LAZY My dad has no motivation to fix it because HE doesn’t use the staircase. He will only fix something unless it HE uses it. It’s such an unfair petty lazy mindset. It just screams excuses!! My dad is such a dick.
So now I can’t hang out backyard anymore like I used to. I would have to open the garage door, which is another path I could take to go to the back porch. And guess what!!! The garage door is starting to malfunction!! The rosters are rusting. And guess what my parents do!?? They do nothing!!! I told my dad “this is an issue because we can’t even use the staircase to escape from the back of the house anymore and now that the garage is damaged! it might become in operable unless we do some thing!” And all he said is “well it’s old” are you fucking kidding me??? It’s crazy because my dad used to be the THE BEST repair handyman and now he just completely checked out to doing everything in life. It’s fucking annoying.

We just got our keys a few days ago and instantly see issues. When we intially saw the property it was tenant occupied so a lot of the issues were hidden. For example, all the blinds are broken and missing pieces. The bottom of the kitchen blinds have bite marks in them. We didn't see this because when we walked through all the windows were open. The patio door is broken and doesn't lock. There is a whole in the garage wall. We didn't see that because the previous tenant car was in the way. The tub is chipped/cracked and we didn't see that because the tenant had a mat in the tub. Also, the toilet paper holder is broken. We also have an exposed outlet and the laundry closet doors are completely broken and off the hinges. We are so stressed and don't know what to do. We called the realtor and asked for our landlord number and email and he has yet to give it to us. Throughout the whole process we only dealt with the realtor and I have texts going back and forth asking when we will meet the landlord etc. We don't even know how to pay our utilies or rent. We paid everything through the realtor. Are we stuck with this? Or what is our recourse?

A few people (two) asked for help with the Universally Loved achievement, and I thought I'd just make a post here for everyone to access. There's probably already other guides, but I'll just drop mines here in case it's more useful to others.
Keep in mind it's organized chronologically, so don't move on from morning to afternoon without completing EVERYTHING necessary (minus the optional stuff if you don't want to do it).
And obviously, spoilers for the entire REAL WORLD section.
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REAL WORLD Guide
PROLOGUE (after 1st STAB)

• Attempt to confirm naming yourself OMOCAT (you can reload save file if you’d like) (achievement)
• Grab FIRST AID KIT from hallway and BANDAGE from dining room drawer
• Open door for HELLMARI, then she will appear in MOM’S room if WTF ≥ 6

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THREE DAYS LEFT
MORNING

• Brush teeth (every morning for achievement)
• High five KEL every instance you get (achievement)
• Encourage MINCY at FARWAY PARK
• Feed ORANGE CAT at monkey bars at FARAWAY PARK and get TRASH
• COIN located in front of FARAWAY PLAZA; there is no DOLLAR spawned from throwing this one into the fountain, so this is optional
• Talk to GRUFF GUY with leak; go to his house and watch his attempt
• Help ALL-AMERICAN GUY find his TV REMOTE (under the couch)
• Talk to the ARTIST and agree with all her advice
• PART TIME JOBS to do
  • Pizza delivery, save before starting the job
    • Quit the job, then do the job again (achievement)
    • Deliver all the pizzas on the first try to get a perfect score. Reload your save if you mess up
    • Get OTHERWORLDLY CD
  • Fly swatting
  • Organizing tools
• Pick up tutoring posters at OTHERMART, then tutor BRENT and JOY
  • BRENT (Math answers)
    • 1. 204
    • 2. 32
    • 3. -2
  • JOY (English answers)
    • 1. On
    • 2. Adverb
    • 3. “I think eggplant is the better tasting soft vegetable.”
• Buy PET ROCK (costs $10)
• Beat JACKSON and get MERRY CD
• Talk to SEAN and KAREN in FIX-IT
• Pick up YELLOW BUN GRANNY’S prescription
• Get KIM’S MOM’S SHEARS
• Get SEASHELL #1 at garden area of FIX-IT
• Beat all PET ROCKS opponents
  • Beat CREEPY GUY for FEDORA - optional if you want to collect it
  • Beat SHOPKEEP for NOSTALGIC CD
  • Beat AYEE (the fish stall lady at OTHERMART) for “YOU ROCK” CAP [tedious]
• Lose the battle to KIM and VANCE outside OTHERMART
• Beat SHOPKEEP’S high score of 6000 at arcade machine and get COOL GLASSES (costs $1 if you win on the first try)
• Donate $10 to SMELLY HOBO for GOLD WATCH or "GOLD" WATCH, the sell it to SHOPKEEP at HOBBEEZ
• Donate $30 to GUITAR GUY
• Buy x1 HERO SANDWICH ($5) - optional, if you want to use it later for a special fight)
• Buy x5 APPLE JUICE and ORANGE JUICE ($20 total) and get RED HEADBAND and ORANGE HEADBAND - optional if you want to collect the headbands
• Buy x5 CDS (DYNAMIC, CELESTIAL, LIVELY, CHILL, and BRUTAL) at HOBBEEZ ($50 total)
• Buy 1x MEAT and 6x FISH ($67 total)

AFTERNOON

• Encourage MINCY at OTHERMART
• Feed ORANGE CAT at roof of BASIL’S HOUSE and get TRASH
• COIN is located at yard of CLUMSY GUY’S house after sermon; after throwing COIN in fountain, DOLLAR spawns at MIKHAEL’S HOUSE
• Help CLUMSY GUY get WEDDING RING out of sink
• Help WRINKLY FOREHEAD choose a gift for his son at HOBBEEZ
  • Get SEASHELL #2
• Donate x15 TRASH

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​
TWO DAYS LEFT
MORNING

• Brush teeth
• Encourage MINCY at candy store in OTHERMART
• Feed ORANGE CAT at roof of SUNNY’s house
• COIN is at CHURCH; DOLLAR spawns at KIM’S HOUSE
• Talk to GRUFF GUY with leak; go to his house and watch his attempt
  • Get SEASHELL #3 from hole in wall
    • Give CRIS all 3 SEASHELLS to get SEASHELL NECKLACE
• Find ARTIST’S dog by KEL’S HOUSE and speak to dog (achievement)
• Do all PART TIME JOBS again
  • Pizza delivery
  • Fly swatting
  • Organizing tools
• Finish BRENT’S and JOY’S worksheets
  • BRENT (Math answers)
    • 1. 25
    • 2. 4, -4
    • 3. 7.103 (or 7.461 for older versions)
  • JOY (English answer)
    • 1. Re
    • 2. wt.
    • 3. Crawl
• Get PEPPER SPRAY from KEL’S MOM'S purse. Use it to defeat the HOOLIGANS later
• Interact with BEE HIVE; you don't have to win the battle
• Talk to BEBE’S MOM, then get the lamp from FIX-IT
• Reconcile WRINKLY FOREHEAD and his son
• Talk to CLUMSY GUY’S wife’s at GINO’S PIZZERIA
• Talk to CLUMSY GUY at candy shop
• Buy all 13 CHARMS in HOBBEEZ ($39) - optional unless you want to collect everything
• Before leaving BASIL’S house, save so you can reject KEL’S high five, then reload and high five KEL (achievement)

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​
AFTERNOON

• Save before leaving BASIL’S HOUSE, then choose not to high-five KEL, then reload the save and high five KEL (achievements)
• Encourage MINCY at garden area at back of FIX-IT
• Feed ORANGE CAT at tree outside OTHERMART and get ARCADE PIECE
• COIN spawns at WRINKLY FOREHEAD’S house; DOLLAR spawns between cars in front of FARAWAY PLAZA
• HELP ALL-AMERICAN GUY find his TV REMOTE (in the bathroom)
• Take KEL’S $20 from his wardrove (achievement)
• Play hide-and-seek with DAPHNE and BOWEN at MIKHAEL'S HOUSE
• Get SEASHELL #4 north of HANGOUT SPOT - optional if you want to collect it
• Fix arcade game at GINO’S PIZZA
  • Get 500+ points in SPROUT MOLE EATER and get SEASHELL #5 - optional if you want to collect it
• Go to CLUMSY GUY’S house
• Donate remaining CDs
• Donate x7 TRASH
• Donate all remaining MONEY to OLD HOBO (he will double it and give it back the next day if you need the MONEY)

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​
ONE DAY LEFT
MORNING

• Brush teeth
• Encourage MINCY at CHURCH
• Feed ORANGE CAT at HANGOUT SPOT behind FARAWAY PARK
  • Get SEASHELL #6 - optional if you want to collect it
• COIN at THICK EYEBROWS’ house; DOLLAR on fence in front of CHURCH
• Have AUBREY fix GRUFF GUY’S leak and get GHOULISH CD
• Help ALL-AMERICAN GUY find the TV REMOTE one last time (it's in the PIE in the kitchen)
• Send ANGEL back to ARTIST’S house
• PART TIME JOBS
  • Pizza delivery
  • Fly swatting
  • Organizing tools
• Get FLOWER CLIP from CHARLIE - optional, if you want to collect it
• Give GUITAR GUY packed lunch from JOY’S father to get SECRET CD
• Give FLOWERS to MARI (achievement)
  • Have a picnic with MARI
• Go to SEAN and KAREN’S house and help them cook
• Go to the HANGOUT SPOT, explore the RECYCULTIST'S HQ, and do the RECYCLEPATH
  • Give KEL ORANGE JOE and he'll be HAPPY! - optional
  • Give HERO the HERO SANDWICH and he'll be HAPPY! - optional
  • Win and get COOL BOTTLECAP (you only get the item if you win, but you get the achievement regardless)
• Donate x6 TRASH
  • Get ETHEREAL CD

AFTERNOON

• Encourage MINCY at FARAWAY PARK (you get a sketch of SUNNY and KEL)
• Feed ORANGE CAT at MARI’S GRAVE and get TRANQUIL CD
• COIN besides blue picnic blanket at FARAWAY PARK; DOLLAR at GRUFF GUY’S HOUSE
• Have a picnic at HANGOUT SPOT (achievement)
• Go to SEAN and KAREN’s housewarming party
• Donate remaining CDs

Like the title says, we’ll call him Carson. The story is a little long, forgive me.
(A little backstory, I have been diagnosed with PTSD from witnessing violence and screaming growing up.)
Carson and I matched on tinder and the first ‘date’ was at the local pride festival and parade over last Saturday and Sunday. It went amazingly! Since then, we had seen each other every single day. Things seemed to be going well. I could tell Carson was pretty stern with his dog, even in ways I didn’t personally agree with. And there were other weird things like how he stole a few items from the store when we went together to get stuff for dinner, and how he litters out his car window. Jump to today, we had planned for me to stay the night. Carson texts me that he’s mad because his dog Fido ate up the mat at the bottom of his kennel. Carson wanted me to go to Home Depot with him to get plywood. Of course, Fido had to go with us since the kennel was out of service. So, Carson opened the back of his car and let Fido up. I was sitting in the passenger seat. Apparently Fido went a little too far up and his head got close to the front seats. This pissed off Carson pretty bad for some reason and he starting screaming extremely loudly and hitting Fido over and over again. Carson tried pulling Fido back to get him away from the front seats, but as any abused animal would, he froze, waiting for the beating to be done. This made Carson madder. He climbed in the back and tried pulling on Fido’s neck, which Fido defended by nipping at Carson. At this point, Carson threw Fido out of the back of his car and near the back of his garage. Keep in mind, Carson’s garage door is completely open and the apartment complex can hear everything going on. Carson got back in his car once he got Fido back in the vehicle. I was already outside the car. I opened the passenger door and told Carson “I will be heading home”. Carson replied “Why?” My response, “Because I don’t like how you hit him. I’m getting my stuff and heading home.”
I got my stuff and headed home. He texted me ten minutes later asking if I actually got all my stuff because he’ll be blocking my number. The absolute audacity. This man commits a felony in front of me, and one of the most despicable felonies at that, and he has the audacity to tell me he’s blocking me.
Like I mentioned, I have PTSD. I had immediately called my best friend once I got to my car and on my way home I had to end the call early because I started having flashbacks to Carson beating Fido, the most precious, and sweetest dog I’ve ever met. I also went through the usual routine for people with PTSD, fear, extreme emotions, shaking, confusion.
The first solid relationship lead I’ve had in months and he’s a fucking dog abuser. I’ll be reporting him once I meet up with my friends.

So this is going to be a long post because this issue dates back to 2017-2018.
In 2016 my husband brought home a stray cat that he found at a hotel while working out of town. The cat was being fed by the employees and she was very friendly. Coming up to rub against him meowing and letting him pet her etc. We got her spayed within 2 weeks of having her and got her shots and all other tests that were needed. We already had three cats, one female(Abby), and two males . We kept her separated for about a month and slowly introduced them all to each other. Abby was never an overly affectionate cat with any of the other two cats. However, she did get along with them. Not so with the new cat. There was some mild tension in the form of a couple of swats at each other here and there, but never anything serious. They tolerated each other. Then at the end of 2017 she started peeing outside of her litter box. I had to put a camera around the house to try to figure out which cat was doing it. I saw on the video that she peed on a pair of my husband's blue jeans that he left on the floor of the laundry room and she gave a little meow whenever she was peeing so I thought okay, she must be hurting. I took her to the vet and her urinalysis was fairly normal although the vet said she may have a little bit of inflammation. I told her about the stress between the two female cats and she said it could be stress cystitis. Which is basically a cat stresses themselves out so much that their bladder becomes inflamed. She gave her antibiotics and everything was fine for about a month, when it started again.
At the time we had six litter boxes for the four cats spread out into three different rooms. I tried no less than six different types of litters. All the litter boxes were open at the top...no hood. I tried pheromone sprays, pheromone plug-ins, CBD oil, bachs rescue remedy, calming chews, corn silk d-manose, cantharis, etc. I also tried to retrain her by getting a two-tiered crate and putting her litter box on the bottom floor and her bed on the top floor. I did this for 3 weeks. The first week she stayed in her crate all of the time. Every single time she needed to use the bathroom, she peed in her litter box. every single time. So on the second week I'll let her out into the room. She went back to her litter box in the crate every single time. The third week I'd let her out into the room, even when I was not in there with her. She still used the litter box every single time so I did not think it was litter or litter box aversion. So I'd let her out into the rest of the house little by little. She still used the litter box like a champ. So I could only assume that it was because of my other female cat. The doctor suggested Prozac and I did put her on Prozac at that time. She was on it for at least a year and a half and she was perfect. She did not pee outside the litter box for a year and a half. We moved to a new house in 2019. At that point we only had three cats. My oldest male cat died of cancer in 2018. She still was perfect at going to her litter box even with moving to a new house. Before we moved to the new house we purchased a litter robot. I thought it may help her because she may like a super clean litter box all the time and I worked during the day so I could not scoop it every time after she went to the bathroom. However, I did scoop three to four times a day. And remember she has six litter boxes to choose from. So the cats were all acclimated to the litter robot before we moved to the new house. At the new house We did keep her in a large room to let her get acclimated to the house and she seemed to do fine. When we moved to the new house we had two litter robots. One upstairs one downstairs.
Then at the end of 2020 she started peeing outside the litter box again even while on the Prozac. She had long stopped eating a treat that I would hide the Prozac in. So I had to start using a pill syringe to give her her medicine and that eroded her trust in me and she avoided me when she knew it was time for her to get her medicine. Of course I took her to the vet for another urinalysis and it came back normal. So I did the whole thing of putting her upstairs in a large bathroom with a cat tree in the window and a litter robot and plenty of room to stretch her legs. I did that for 3 weeks and when she came back downstairs she was fine for a few months and then she started peeing outside the litter boxes again. At this time I had one litter robot upstairs and one litter qrobot downstairs. I had cameras around the house and two of them were specifically aimed at the litter boxes. Sometimes she would go inside and poop, leave, then come back 5 minutes later and see that the robot had not cycled and she would turn around and pee in front of it. At that time, the robot was scheduled to rotate 15 minutes after the cat left. I changed that to rotate after 3 minutes. And I noticed that she would then poop, leave, It would rotate and clean and then she would come back and pee inside of the litter robot. So I thought great. Maybe that solved the problem. Maybe she did not like going to pee inside of a litter box that was dirty. Then I thought maybe she did not want to pee in the same litter box that she pooped in at all. So I purchased another litter robot. So then I had two upstairs and one downstairs. She seemed to use them more. She would go at least 2 weeks between episodes of peeing outside of the box. I did not see any conflict while she was in the litter box. Abby usually just avoids her. She will stare at her and I know that that is a form of aggression. But she never did that while she was in the litter box. However, my problem cat, Penelope, would be aggressive toward Abby. She had another urinalysis and blood work done in January of 2023 and everything was normal. So in February of 2023 she peed on a living room rug. It was only a month old. I had enough at that time so I took her and put her upstairs in the bathroom again. She stayed in the bathroom for 2 weeks. I had a camera in there with her. She went almost two days of holding her urine before she finally went inside the litter box. Never once in the 2 weeks did she pee outside the litter box. After those 2 weeks I open the door to let her into the bedroom that was attached to that bathroom. I had the bedroom door closed so she could not get out of that space. I went upstairs three times a day to feed her and to play with her. Our bond returned. It was at this time that I weaned her off of the Prozac. After all, Why use it if she was still peeing inappropriately while on it. Even with her having the bedroom and the bathroom. She still went to the litter robot to pee and poop every single time. Now starts month TWO. I block the entryway at the top of the stairs with a screen door. And I open up the bedroom so that she has the hallway, another bedroom, and another bathroom that also has a litter robot in it. The hallway was a great place for her to run full speed chasing a laser or another kind of toy that I might have. The screen door kept her from going downstairs and it allowed the other two cats to come upstairs to sniff her and hopefully reintroduce the two female cats. So the routine was three times a day, I went upstairs to play with her and to feed her. The entire 2 months she never once peed inappropriately, she used the litter box every single time. So after the 2 months I decided to let her downstairs for a couple of hours. She did well. She sniffed everything, but she never once peed on anything. We have a cat door that leads out to a screened in porch and she went out there for a short time. And then I put her back upstairs. I did this for a week, letting her down a few hours every afternoon when I got home from work. After that week, on a day when I was home all day, I'd let her down all day. She used litter boxes downstairs. She would use litter boxes upstairs. Her and the other female cat didn't seem to care that the other one was in the room. they've always been able to sleep on various pieces of furniture in the same room and it does not seem to bother them at all. In any case, she was 100% perfect for 5 weeks. Using the litter boxes all the time. Then out of the blue, seemingly, she peed on a blanket that had fallen off of our bed. Then a few days later she peed on one of those turbo chaser toys that the center has a cardboard piece in the middle, she peed in the middle part. Then a few days later she peed on the bare floor under the dining room table. I cleaned everything with a good enzyme cleaner and didn't smell anything else. But the next day I thought I smelled something but I could not find where it was coming from. Then I realize I had left a dusting mitt on top of the dining room table. She had gotten on the table and peed on that. So more enzyme cleaner. I emailed my vet in tears telling her that maybe she needed to refer me to a behaviorist or a specialist that could take x-rays, ultrasounds, and whatever test was needed to see if there was anything physically wrong with her bladder. We had only ever done an urinalysis and blood test but we had never taken an x-ray. Not that I think she has stones of any kind because after this many years there would have been blood white blood cells or something to show that she had a physical issue. So while I was waiting on the vet to return my email or call me, I used various calming sprays and calming choose and praised her every time she used the litter box. And she went almost 2 weeks using the litter box again. Then 2 days ago I'm going to my bed and she is underneath my side table peeing on the floor. I didn't mean to but it was an automatic response, I yelled NO! Well she stopped midstream and ran. Then yesterday as I was getting into bed she jumped on the bed and meowed and I pet her and thought that she was coming up to settle down for the night. But no, she went to my husband's side of the bed and peed on top of our comforter. I took it off immediately before it could soak through and of course she ran. Are comforter is white and they're not seem to be any blood in the urine. It was typical yellow, stinky cat urine. So I had no choice but to put her back upstairs in the bathroom again and that is where she is going to have to stay until we can figure out a solution for this problem. Otherwise she is going to destroy my home. When I went upstairs this afternoon to feed her I closed the bedroom door and opened the bathroom door so that maybe I could play with her. She didn't seem interested in playing she walked around meowing....obviously I'm sure she is stressed. So I got on the bed with her she got on the bed and I was petting her She then jumped off the bed and proceeded to walk over to where I had a small box on the floor and she squatted and she peed on the carpet. This does seem somewhat behavioral to a degree, but her peeing in front of me is new and it makes me think she's trying to tell me something. In the past she has always peed while hiding or when I'm not home or when I'm in another room. This time she has peed three times in front of me.
I just wish I could figure out why she all of a sudden became neurotic in 2017 .
Has anyone ever had a cat that peed inappropriately that ended up being a physical issue and not a mental issue? At this point I would love it to be a physical issue because I think that one is obviously much easier to probably fix. A mental issue I feel is much harder especially if medicines do not work.
Some basics about Penelope are: Approximately 8-year-old spayed female
Her diet is all wet food. Including raw lamb, pork, chicken, and a variety of canned foods. I use dry food as treats. So she will sometimes get three or four pieces of small kibble. I would put them in a puzzle and she figured the puzzles out very quickly.
She weighs approximately 13 lb which is too heavy for her. She gained a lot of weight in the last year and a half. And I think I know why now. We have microchip pet feeders for all three cats. So only her microchip will let her into her bowl. However, I noticed a few weeks ago that she will go over to my mail cat's bowl and wait for him to stick his head past the sensor and then push him out of the way and puts her head in there before the door can close over the food. So it's no wonder that she has gained a lot of weight.
She's a diluted calico
Making her an outdoor cat is not an option.
Rehoming her is not an option. No one is going to want a cat that has a pee problem
Putting her down is not an option.
Are there any other kind of test that any of you can recommend besides x-ray, ultrasound, urinalysis, and blood work? The x-ray and ultrasound I definitely want to get. I am definitely willing to do another urinalysis and blood work. I'm just wondering if there's anything else that might be beneficial. I love my vet and don't want to start all over with a new one. She is not the fastest to return my phone calls or emails. She's a mobile vet and that is one of the things that I love. I also love that she does not push me to get unnecessary vaccinations. And I also love that she is receptive to anything that I want to try. In other words, she is not pushy at all, like some other vets that I have gone to. So there is a compromise in that regard. However, going to a specialist is what I would like to do and she will refer me to one when she gets back to me. I would appreciate any constructive advice that anyone can give me. If anyone has any questions they like to ask me to get more information, please ask away. I really do not want to have a cat that I have to regulate to live the rest of their life in one room. It is not good for the cat and it is definitely not good for my quality of life either.
If you've made it to the end, Thank you so much for reading and helping if you can.

So this is going to be a long post because this issue dates back to 2017-2018.
In 2016 my husband brought home a stray cat that he found at a hotel while working out of town. The cat was being fed by the employees and she was very friendly. Coming up to rub against him meowing and letting him pet her etc. We got her spayed within 2 weeks of having her and got her shots and all other tests that were needed. We already had three cats, one female(Abby), and two males . We kept her separated for about a month and slowly introduced them all to each other. Abby was never an overly affectionate cat with any of the other two cats. However, she did get along with them. Not so with the new cat. There was some mild tension in the form of a couple of swats at each other here and there, but never anything serious. They tolerated each other. Then at the end of 2017 she started peeing outside of her litter box. I had to put a camera around the house to try to figure out which cat was doing it. I saw on the video that she peed on a pair of my husband's blue jeans that he left on the floor of the laundry room and she gave a little meow whenever she was peeing so I thought okay, she must be hurting. I took her to the vet and her urinalysis was fairly normal although the vet said she may have a little bit of inflammation. I told her about the stress between the two female cats and she said it could be stress cystitis. Which is basically a cat stresses themselves out so much that their bladder becomes inflamed. She gave her antibiotics and everything was fine for about a month, when it started again.
At the time we had six litter boxes for the four cats spread out into three different rooms. I tried no less than six different types of litters. All the litter boxes were open at the top...no hood. I tried pheromone sprays, pheromone plug-ins, CBD oil, bachs rescue remedy, calming chews, corn silk d-manose, cantharis, etc. I also tried to retrain her by getting a two-tiered crate and putting her litter box on the bottom floor and her bed on the top floor. I did this for 3 weeks. The first week she stayed in her crate all of the time. Every single time she needed to use the bathroom, she peed in her litter box. every single time. So on the second week I'll let her out into the room. She went back to her litter box in the crate every single time. The third week I'd let her out into the room, even when I was not in there with her. She still used the litter box every single time so I did not think it was litter or litter box aversion. So I'd let her out into the rest of the house little by little. She still used the litter box like a champ. So I could only assume that it was because of my other female cat. The doctor suggested Prozac and I did put her on Prozac at that time. She was on it for at least a year and a half and she was perfect. She did not pee outside the litter box for a year and a half. We moved to a new house in 2019. At that point we only had three cats. My oldest male cat died of cancer in 2018. She still was perfect at going to her litter box even with moving to a new house. Before we moved to the new house we purchased a litter robot. I thought it may help her because she may like a super clean litter box all the time and I worked during the day so I could not scoop it every time after she went to the bathroom. However, I did scoop three to four times a day. And remember she has six litter boxes to choose from. So the cats were all acclimated to the litter robot before we moved to the new house. At the new house We did keep her in a large room to let her get acclimated to the house and she seemed to do fine. When we moved to the new house we had two litter robots. One upstairs one downstairs.
Then at the end of 2020 she started peeing outside the litter box again even while on the Prozac. She had long stopped eating a treat that I would hide the Prozac in. So I had to start using a pill syringe to give her her medicine and that eroded her trust in me and she avoided me when she knew it was time for her to get her medicine. Of course I took her to the vet for another urinalysis and it came back normal. So I did the whole thing of putting her upstairs in a large bathroom with a cat tree in the window and a litter robot and plenty of room to stretch her legs. I did that for 3 weeks and when she came back downstairs she was fine for a few months and then she started peeing outside the litter boxes again. At this time I had one litter robot upstairs and one litter qrobot downstairs. I had cameras around the house and two of them were specifically aimed at the litter boxes. Sometimes she would go inside and poop, leave, then come back 5 minutes later and see that the robot had not cycled and she would turn around and pee in front of it. At that time, the robot was scheduled to rotate 15 minutes after the cat left. I changed that to rotate after 3 minutes. And I noticed that she would then poop, leave, It would rotate and clean and then she would come back and pee inside of the litter robot. So I thought great. Maybe that solved the problem. Maybe she did not like going to pee inside of a litter box that was dirty. Then I thought maybe she did not want to pee in the same litter box that she pooped in at all. So I purchased another litter robot. So then I had two upstairs and one downstairs. She seemed to use them more. She would go at least 2 weeks between episodes of peeing outside of the box. I did not see any conflict while she was in the litter box. Abby usually just avoids her. She will stare at her and I know that that is a form of aggression. But she never did that while she was in the litter box. However, my problem cat, Penelope, would be aggressive toward Abby. She had another urinalysis and blood work done in January of 2023 and everything was normal. So in February of 2023 she peed on a living room rug. It was only a month old. I had enough at that time so I took her and put her upstairs in the bathroom again. She stayed in the bathroom for 2 weeks. I had a camera in there with her. She went almost two days of holding her urine before she finally went inside the litter box. Never once in the 2 weeks did she pee outside the litter box. After those 2 weeks I open the door to let her into the bedroom that was attached to that bathroom. I had the bedroom door closed so she could not get out of that space. I went upstairs three times a day to feed her and to play with her. Our bond returned. It was at this time that I weaned her off of the Prozac. After all, Why use it if she was still peeing inappropriately while on it. Even with her having the bedroom and the bathroom. She still went to the litter robot to pee and poop every single time. Now starts month TWO. I block the entryway at the top of the stairs with a screen door. And I open up the bedroom so that she has the hallway, another bedroom, and another bathroom that also has a litter robot in it. The hallway was a great place for her to run full speed chasing a laser or another kind of toy that I might have. The screen door kept her from going downstairs and it allowed the other two cats to come upstairs to sniff her and hopefully reintroduce the two female cats. So the routine was three times a day, I went upstairs to play with her and to feed her. The entire 2 months she never once peed inappropriately, she used the litter box every single time. So after the 2 months I decided to let her downstairs for a couple of hours. She did well. She sniffed everything, but she never once peed on anything. We have a cat door that leads out to a screened in porch and she went out there for a short time. And then I put her back upstairs. I did this for a week, letting her down a few hours every afternoon when I got home from work. After that week, on a day when I was home all day, I'd let her down all day. She used litter boxes downstairs. She would use litter boxes upstairs. Her and the other female cat didn't seem to care that the other one was in the room. they've always been able to sleep on various pieces of furniture in the same room and it does not seem to bother them at all. In any case, she was 100% perfect for 5 weeks. Using the litter boxes all the time. Then out of the blue, seemingly, she peed on a blanket that had fallen off of our bed. Then a few days later she peed on one of those turbo chaser toys that the center has a cardboard piece in the middle, she peed in the middle part. Then a few days later she peed on the bare floor under the dining room table. I cleaned everything with a good enzyme cleaner and didn't smell anything else. But the next day I thought I smelled something but I could not find where it was coming from. Then I realize I had left a dusting mitt on top of the dining room table. She had gotten on the table and peed on that. So more enzyme cleaner. I emailed my vet in tears telling her that maybe she needed to refer me to a behaviorist or a specialist that could take x-rays, ultrasounds, and whatever test was needed to see if there was anything physically wrong with her bladder. We had only ever done an urinalysis and blood test but we had never taken an x-ray. Not that I think she has stones of any kind because after this many years there would have been blood white blood cells or something to show that she had a physical issue. So while I was waiting on the vet to return my email or call me, I used various calming sprays and calming choose and praised her every time she used the litter box. And she went almost 2 weeks using the litter box again. Then 2 days ago I'm going to my bed and she is underneath my side table peeing on the floor. I didn't mean to but it was an automatic response, I yelled NO! Well she stopped midstream and ran. Then yesterday as I was getting into bed she jumped on the bed and meowed and I pet her and thought that she was coming up to settle down for the night. But no, she went to my husband's side of the bed and peed on top of our comforter. I took it off immediately before it could soak through and of course she ran. Are comforter is white and they're not seem to be any blood in the urine. It was typical yellow, stinky cat urine. So I had no choice but to put her back upstairs in the bathroom again and that is where she is going to have to stay until we can figure out a solution for this problem. Otherwise she is going to destroy my home. When I went upstairs this afternoon to feed her I closed the bedroom door and opened the bathroom door so that maybe I could play with her. She didn't seem interested in playing she walked around meowing....obviously I'm sure she is stressed. So I got on the bed with her she got on the bed and I was petting her She then jumped off the bed and proceeded to walk over to where I had a small box on the floor and she squatted and she peed on the carpet. This does seem somewhat behavioral to a degree, but her peeing in front of me is new and it makes me think she's trying to tell me something. In the past she has always peed while hiding or when I'm not home or when I'm in another room. This time she has peed three times in front of me.
I just wish I could figure out why she all of a sudden became neurotic in 2017 .
Has anyone ever had a cat that peed inappropriately that ended up being a physical issue and not a mental issue? At this point I would love it to be a physical issue because I think that one is obviously much easier to probably fix. A mental issue I feel is much harder especially if medicines do not work.
Some basics about Penelope are: Approximately 8-year-old spayed female
Her diet is all wet food. Including raw lamb, pork, chicken, and a variety of canned foods. I use dry food as treats. So she will sometimes get three or four pieces of small kibble. I would put them in a puzzle and she figured the puzzles out very quickly.
She weighs approximately 13 lb which is too heavy for her. She gained a lot of weight in the last year and a half. And I think I know why now. We have microchip pet feeders for all three cats. So only her microchip will let her into her bowl. However, I noticed a few weeks ago that she will go over to my mail cat's bowl and wait for him to stick his head past the sensor and then push him out of the way and puts her head in there before the door can close over the food. So it's no wonder that she has gained a lot of weight.
She's a diluted calico
Making her an outdoor cat is not an option.
Rehoming her is not an option. No one is going to want a cat that has a pee problem
Putting her down is not an option.
Are there any other kind of test that any of you can recommend besides x-ray, ultrasound, urinalysis, and blood work? The x-ray and ultrasound I definitely want to get. I am definitely willing to do another urinalysis and blood work. I'm just wondering if there's anything else that might be beneficial. I love my vet and don't want to start all over with a new one. She is not the fastest to return my phone calls or emails. She's a mobile vet and that is one of the things that I love. I also love that she does not push me to get unnecessary vaccinations. And I also love that she is receptive to anything that I want to try. In other words, she is not pushy at all, like some other vets that I have gone to. So there is a compromise in that regard. However, going to a specialist is what I would like to do and she will refer me to one when she gets back to me. I would appreciate any constructive advice that anyone can give me. If anyone has any questions they like to ask me to get more information, please ask away. I really do not want to have a cat that I have to regulate to live the rest of their life in one room. It is not good for the cat and it is definitely not good for my quality of life either.
If you've made it to the end, Thank you so much for reading and helping if you can.

My objective has been made clear, this man is clearly a murderer and I will find enough evidence so he is locked up before he can kill again. I need a photo of the blood soaked window and I have to call the police as soon as possible. He has rose bushes that line his windowsill. The blood is still wet. The gaps in between the stains show an absence of any corpse but blood sits in a pool slowly sinking into the carpet. He is cleaning up.
A weighted set of steps are guided by the sunken foundation of this evil house. His open garage door echoes flamboyant whistles of an all too familiar artist. He prances to the freezer for wine with two glasses. That doesn't make any sense. Another person? An accomplice? This ugly sweater is going to be pulled apart at the seams. There is an alien hiding in plain sight, a vain mind contorting the world to meet him at eye level. The world will see the full picture.
His garbage bin is a place to start, when god gleams gold their forgotten past is all but gilded. There are several canvases here. All of them seem completely the same, several completed self portraits of this guy. They all vary a little in lighting and color but why would he throw them all away? Why does he have so many? He is obsessed with his own face. What a psycho.
I will besiege upon a castle of lies as bombs burst in air. A shining claymore will flash records of this red scare and spotlight this everyday monster. The fireworks applauded my tenacity.
A dark shadow miscolors the canvas. A terrifying projection in front of me.

“Welcome back artists and patrons to another masterclass in design taught by yours truly. Today we will be learning to construct the human face on a sketchbook or canvas.
Now, the human face is quite difficult to comprehend. Certain features should only be attempted by artists with a fine eye for shape. When I first started I spent hours in front of the mirror drawing myself until it was just right, until it was perfect. So I can't stress enough that this tutorial is only for the refined…”
Subject appears to be male, Caucasian, in his late 20s, height of 5 '10'’, roughly weighs around 140lbs, and supplements office job income with donations from an art based online presence. Every morning he leaves his home at around 7:33a.m. to go to his job at 7:55a.m. Although his job title is labeled “data entry” he seems to play an active role in office politics, his peers seem to like him. He leaves his job at roughly 5:06 p.m. everyday and heads back home. Personal schedule and behavioral inquiry is almost completed. Anticipating further client instruction.
Client details are sparse, observations will continue until July 4th for 7 total days worth of investigation. Subject appears to primarily paint in his freetime. He has two mirrors on different sides of his bedroom and often sets up his easel and palette near the center of his room in clear view of both. Appears to have only left the house for errands and has not attended any social events or gatherings. He left his garage door open to reveal a near opulent amount of paint cans neatly organized by color. I have observed an indescribable eerie quality to the subject's behavior. Further observation to come.
Final day of investigation. Subject leaves the office with several peers to a bar. Subject leaves the bar in a taxi with a Brunette woman. A quick background check reveals they are coworkers.
Note: Community fireworks scheduled at 10:00 p.m.
Both the Subject and Coworker arrive at the Subject’s residence at 9:02 p.m.
At 9:59 p.m. The Coworker walks in view of the window and she appears to be inebriated, possibly in anticipation of fireworks.
BOOM
A scarlet tidal wave. The bedroom window is completely covered in blood.

Anyone have an inground pool? Looking for recommendations/ideas on what you use to keep it safe.
We live in an area where we keep ours open year round. I’ve seen fall sensors that basically detect waves, but they don’t have the best reviews. I def plan on doing survival classes!

• What kind of sensor do you use for your patio/porch door? I have a wired sensor on the door to the house, but looking for the best way to secure the screened porch door.
• Fencing around the pool you’d recommend?
• Sensors that actually work?
• Any other tips/ideas?

Thank you in advance!

Looks like it might be time for a cast list refresher! So let me reintroduce the chummers!!!!
OP (c’est moi!)
Female, late 20s
Grad student
Perky emo girl with purple hair
Likes crass humor
Nerdy, petite, beard bait
Decker
​
Funky P. Beard (FPB)
Male, early 30s
Bona fide psycho piece of shit
Street Samurai
​
Mori
The GM
Male, early/mid 30s
Hypersexual kinky bastard
Likes exhibitionism, vomit, and illegal substances
Charismatic, cult-leader vibes
Very amusing, always nice to OP
The only person who seemed capable of getting FPB to behave
​
Axton
Male, late 20s
Grad student
Sexy, pleasant to be around
Has a sense of humor that meshes well with OP’s
Usually able to ignore FPB’s psycho behavior
The primary target of FPB’s jealousy
Rigger
​
Sage
Male, early/mis 30s
Assistant GM
Host of the gaming weekends
Typically level-headed, but losing patience with FPB
Skilled in martial arts
Mage
​
Athena
Female, early 30s
Sage’s girlfriend
Co-host of the gaming weekends
Increasingly intolerant of FPB
Petite, pretty, friendly... probably also beard bait
Shaman
​
Snorlax
Male, early 30s
The funny fat guy (NOT a neckbeard)
Easy-going, friendly, rarely directly involved in the weekend’s drama
Stoner
Adept
​
Chapter 5: The Lap of Luxury
We had been moving back and forth between the garage and the living room (it wasn’t the “War Room” until the gaming began) for the past hour or so. This was actually my favorite part of the weekend. I wasn’t exhausted yet, nobody was plastered yet, and I was genuinely getting to know FPB’s buddies. Snorlax told me about his former career as a semi-pro wrestler, and how an injury had forced him to start working as a mall cop. Athena and Sage were both pharmacy techs, and they were considering opening their own gaming shop. Mori was a paralegal for an LGBT law firm and ran a fairly lucrative fetish website on the side. Axton was going to grad school for social work and was the bass player for a classic rock cover band. Damn it, we had genuine common interests. Why couldn’t he have been a parolee or a gong farmer?
And I was able to chat comfortably with all the team members because FPB had taken to the master bathroom upstairs to get “re-ready.” Not only did he desperately need to change his “dew-covered” underpants, but he also needed to take a full shower (using Athena’s bathing products, of course). He would then spend nearly a full hour blow-drying, flat-ironing, and spiking his jet-black hair so that he emerged looking like some bizarre mash-up of Hagrid and Discount Tom Sandoval.
I’m also assuming that he manscaped, and I sincerely hoped he’d brought his own pink razors for this task. But as for his bushy behemoth of a beard? He took absolutely NO care of it. I never understood the statement he was trying to make by being fastidious AF with every aspect of personal grooming, save his defining feature. No matter. He was absent, and I was finally having fun! Alas, the fun wouldn’t last. The time for pre-game was approaching, so Sage and Athena went to the kitchen to arrange the shots.
Athena: How many do you want, OP?
Me: I think I’d better stick with two since I’ve already had a beer.
A freshly showered and finally dressed FPB turned to me, “Yeah, you need to stay sober.”
Oh, now that bullshit made me want to drink...
Me: Athena, make it three for me.
FPB shot me a menacing look.
Me: What? I’m not gonna get wasted off one extra shot.
FPB: I’m saving you from yourself. You could at least TRY to appreciate my chivalry.
Me: Right...
But then I had second thoughts about angering the already rage-prone beast. I didn’t want to ruin the evening for the other team members. And FPB’s temper tantrums definitely had the potential to ruin the evening for everyone in attendance.
Me: I’ll shoot two and just sip on the third one. Does that sound reasonable?
FPB shrugged.
Me: Come on! I feel like such a sissy compared to the rest of you.
FPB: Whose fault is that? You didn’t take advantage of your years and years and years of being a “student” to practice handling your liquor?
Me: No, mostly I studied. And when we partied, we did drugs. We didn’t drink. Not like this, anyway.
I was getting pretty mad, and I did NOT want to have a full-blown screaming match with FPB in front of everyone.
Me: Do you mind if I take five? This isn’t something we need to argue over. I really am trying to learn how to play, and to play the way YOUR TEAM plays. The guide books were no help at all.
FPB: If I catch you asking Mori for coke, so help me...
Me: I just need some air. That’s not code for anything untoward. I just want to go outside.
FPB: I’m coming with you.
Snorlax stepped in.
Snorlax: Bro. Just let her go outside. I’ll stand by the door and make sure Mori doesn’t follow her.
FPB: I don’t care about Mori! You make sure that dick-wipe Axton doesn’t follow her. I *know* he’s trying to bang her.
I could hear all this rancor on my way to the back door.
Me: Dude!!! Chill! I’m not going outside to get drugs. I’m not going outside to shag anybody. I just want five fucking minutes of peace!
Mori stood up. He was shirtless that night, wearing nothing but ultra-sheer light pink boxers that complemented the pink streaks in his bedazzled beard. But despite his wispy attire, the group still kowtowed to him.
Mori: I hereby grant OP *TEN* minutes of solitude on the back porch. FPB, you will use this time to meditate. Think about what it means to be kind to your significant other. Think about what it means to show empathy and acceptance. Think about what it means to enjoy the company of your fellow chummers.
I slipped outside and inhaled the pleasant dusk that was beginning to fill the air. And I found myself feeling indebted to Mori and wondering if this was some sort of cult indoctrination malarkey... or if he’d just known FPB longer than any of the rest of us and had learned how to effectively handle him. And then I decided that it didn’t matter. I finally had the peace and quiet I so desperately needed.
But how *did* FPB know that Axton was flirting with me? I thought we’d both been pretty covert about it. Uhhh... In front of FPB, at least. I decided that he didn’t actually know. He was constantly accusing male friends of “trying to bang me” when there was not even the slightest hint of attraction on anyone’s part. It was a numbers game. If you throw out hundreds of accusations, one might happen to stick. And then you can say, “I TOLD YOU SO.”
I often felt like an alternate universe version of Anne Boleyn, imprisoned by a skinny and even madder version of the famous king. FPB certainly fancied himself a regal figure, worthy of everyone’s fealty. Wait... was Henry VIII the OG neckbeard??? (note... I thought I had made an original observation here, but I came across a year-old post on ReddXReads from u/Raidan1084, so props to you for beating me to this observation!!!)
My unfocused mind ran amuck for a bit longer, and the ten minutes were almost up when I heard a quiet voice calling my name from around the side of the house.
I rounded the corner to answer.
It was Athena.
Athena: OP, I know it’s none of my business, but FPB is a douchebag. That girl who came to the door last night? She’s one of his hook-ups.
I laughed a little. “I know. He’s got loads of them... Hey, do you mind if I ask you a stupid question that I ask myself all the time?”
Athena: Sure.
Me: Why do you guys put up with his shit?
Athena: He and Mori have been best friends since before the team formed. He’s kind of a “package deal.” If we want to keep Mori as our GM, we have to accept FPB. And Mori does run a really fun campaign.
Me: So if he ever crosses a line with Mori, he’s out?
Athena: That’s what we’ve all been hoping for! But Mori’s insanely patient with FPB.
We sighed and returned inside.
FPB was sitting in sulky silence, staring at his polished Chelsea boots. I took a seat on the other side of the room, next to Mori.
Mori: You good?
I nodded.
Mori whispered, “You want some coke?”
Me: Shhhhhh!!! No, I don’t do that!
Mori mouthed, “Adderall?”
I smiled and mouthed, “Later.”
Mori stood. “Tonight, we are making a seating chart. There are six numbers on the floor. You will each draw a number from my underwear, and you will sit on the corresponding number. Is that clear?”
Everyone bellowed in unison, “YES, GAME MASTER.”
This was exciting! I had a decent chance of not having to sit by FPB that night! I was completely fed up with his constant criticism of my character sheets and his suggestions for future moves. He was messing me up more than he was helping.
Mori took a seat on a throw pillow, shoved 6 folded pieces of paper down the back of his boxers and called us up, one by one, to draw our numbers from his drawers.
Being the newbie, I was the last to draw.
Mori: Get all the way up in dat crack, OP.
I laughed and fished the paper out of Mori’s boxers.
FPB took a loud breath and fumed, “MORI, YOU FU...”
Sage put a hand on FPB’s chest, and said very sternly, “Take it down a notch.”
Mori: Tonight, we will find peace amongst ourselves and rain fire and terror on the mega-corporations! Are you with me???”
“WE’RE WITH YOU, GAME MASTER.”
Mori: Then inspect your numbers and take your seats. You should also feel free to sniff the papers.
No one did that.
I got #3. Motherfucker. FPB was sitting to my right. But at least Athena was sitting to my left. I felt like I could trust her, and I felt like she would call him out if he pulled any more of his rage crap. Tragically, Axton was sitting to FPB’s right. That wasn’t going to go well. Snorlax was sitting to Athena’s left, and Sage was in his usual spot, as Mori’s right hand. So it went: tech, muscle, tech, magic, muscle, magic. Not ideal.
Mori surveyed the room. “Not at all how I had hoped,” he muttered. “But nevertheless! The team has been assembled. The time has come...”
“PRE-GAME!!!!!!”
I actually knew what to shout this time. I remembered to pound on my chest, and I looked to Athena in an attempt to learn the tribal dance. I got close enough.
We charged into the fuel station. I stood by the non-threatening triad of shots, while all the other team members stood before their seven shots.
Mori: Fireball. Each tincture shall light a fire in our bellies, improve out spell-casting, and lead us to victory. Chummers... DRINK!!!
I slammed two shots and picked up the third to nurse during the game. Just like the night before, all the other players downed their seven shots with astounding ease.
We returned to the War Room and took our assigned seats.
Mori: The Rules!
Everyone groaned, just as they had previously. Apparently, this was customary.
Mori: If you glitch, you must take a shot of Fireball to boost your skills. OP, you may take a SIP of an alcoholic beverage. You may also do a bump of coke.
FPB clenched his fists, gritted his teeth, and growled. This was delighting me to no end!!! Not only might I get a little taste of my former favorite drug for the first time in YEARS, but Mori also seemed to be actively antagonizing FPB. It was delicious.
And here’s one for the philosophers: AITA... If you’re antagonizing the asshole, doesn’t that kind of make you the hero?
Mori: The second time you glitch, you must kiss my staff or endure a smack in the face from my staff. FPB, you must suffer The Lap of Luxury upon your second glitch... Or if you misbehave.
FPB: Explain that.
Mori: It will become clear in good time, my sweet little Samurai.
FPB shifted uncomfortably. I bit my lip to keep from laughing.
Mori: All subsequent glitches will result in escalating staff punishments, the anal gaze, removal of armor, or a spanking. Anything the team deems an epic success shall be rewarded with a shot of Johnny Walker Blue. And my trusted Assistant GM has a few new rules to add, just for the time being. Sage the Mage, the floor is yours.
Sage: We can’t afford to pay for another round of professional cleaning for... the time being. We are now asking that ALL team members please use the restroom if you must pee, poop, or puke. Gentlemen, feel free to pee in the backyard, but please refrain from peeing on the porch. Thank you. Back to you, Game Master.
Mori: Place your hand on your chest and pledge your loyalty if you agree to this; and take off your pants if you object.
FPB put his hands near the button of his trousers. Everyone watched him with bated breath. But then he placed his hand on his chest.
Mori: Then we continue planning the station takeover... NOW!
We had barely gotten through two combat turns when Mori decided it was time for leftover Taco Bell, more liquor, and pornography. Tonight, Snorlax rolled for Bat Pussy, an older film that is widely considered to be the Plan 9 from Outer Space of porn. It was definitely on the “softcore” side since no one ever actually banged. It’s a spoof on Batman, and the main character gets a little “twitch” DOWN THERE whenever she needs to go fight crime. I found it wildly entertaining!
In fact, I laughed hysterically throughout the entire movie. Most of us did. FPB even snorted once or twice. As the main character was bouncing on a hippity hop alongside the highway, wearing a cheap costume, I was howling with laughter. Possibly because everyone was a little drunk and the drunken laughter was contagious, possibly because it really was absurdly funny. Or both.
FPB: It’s not THAT funny.
Me (gasping): I can’t help it! This is bat-shit crazy!
Mori: We gotta get OP a Batgirl costume and a hippity hop!
Me: You’re ON! I will absolutely do that! When can we film it???
FPB: You’re gonna recreate a scene from a PORNO??? With MORI???
Sage: Dude! WHAT is sexual about this scene? It’s ridiculous. That’s why we’re all cracking up!
FPB: You have to understand. I’m an intellectual...
I was painfully familiar with the insufferable tripe that typically followed this statement. Apparently, so was the Shadowrun crew. Everyone groaned dismissively. And then something vaguely resembling a sex scene started up, and Mori shushed us all.
Mori: Shhhh! It might finally get good!
It didn’t. Not in the way Mori meant.
The movie ended, most of us lit a ciggy, and we all returned to our assigned seats.
Mori: Shall we refuel before we resume?
A chorus of “HELL YEAH” rang out. I wasn’t in the mood for booze. I was once again beginning to fade around this time, and I needed to find a way to get some Adderall from Mori without FPB noticing. It had already been an incredibly long day for me, even though I had been having fun (aside from having to tend to FPB’s nonsense). Maybe the beardo boyfriend was the reason I was getting exhausted at these gatherings.
Constantly having to talk him down from a temper tantrum, having him constantly looking over my shoulder and scrutinizing my every move, suffering through his ceaseless (and useless) suggestions for my next move, having to defend myself for not drinking enough, then having to turn around and defend myself when I decided to have an extra shot, enduring his seething wrath every time I so much as spoke to Mori or Axton... It was exhausting.
As everyone was refueling, FPB had managed to trap Sage and Athena and was lecturing them about why it was disrespectful to FEMALES to combine humor with sex.
FPB: To make a mockery of the female anatomy, and then to depict sexual acts so crudely is offensive to me as a feminist.
Athena: YOU’RE a feminist?
FPB: Obviously. I would lay down my life to defend the sacred honor of the feminine spirit.
Sage: I’m pretty sure it was just a bad movie. Plus, the superhero was a woman, so...
FPB: But they had to make her superpowers connected to her genitals. That’s objectification. It’s not funny, even if it’s meant to be “so bad, it’s funny.” I’m offended.
I wasn’t part of the discussion, but I interjected, “I feel like humor can be sexy. Being able to laugh during sexual experiences can create a bond. And if both partners are deliberately goofing off, what’s offensive about that?”
Axton raised his glass in approval. I couldn’t help smiling at him.
FPB: Oh, Miss Sex Therapist knows everything.
Me: I don’t know anything. Clearly. It’s just an opinion. Based on research. That I learned in graduate school.
FPB: Some idiots actually researched LAUGHING during sex? That can’t be a real thing.
Me: I’ll print out the articles.
FPB: From where? Hustler?
I didn’t have the energy to argue with him.
Me: Yes. I cite Hustler in all my papers.
Axton: I’ve read the same thing. Laughing releases endorphins. Sex releases endorphins. Plus, why do you think adult novelty stores are always so funny? The elephant trunk underwear?
Mori: I have a pair of those.
Of course he did.
FPB: You want a bottle smashed over your head, Axton? STOP TALKING TO MY GIRLFRIEND ABOUT YOUR DICK.
Me: FPB, he literally said nothing about his dick.
FPB: WRONG. He was *agreeing* with you. He’s trying to ingratiate himself. Because he’s thinking with his DICK.
I rolled my eyes.
Mori saved us by clapping his hands. “Back to the War Room, chummers!”
We headed back, and Mori was following close behind me. He tugged on one of my pigtails. I turned around to see him holding an Adderall in the palm of his hand. I glanced over my shoulder to make sure FPB wasn’t watching. He was too busy staring daggers at Axton. I snatched the pill, thanked Mori, and slipped it in my mouth.
When my turn came around, my sleaze failed, and the security subnet sent my coordinates to the mainframe. It was my first glitch of the evening, and I didn’t want to pile cocaine on top of Adderall. So I had to take a sip of an alcoholic beverage. Since I didn’t have one of my own, FPB offered me his Jack & Pepper (Jack Daniels and Dr. Pepper... 90% Jack, 10% Pepper).
Me: Is anybody drinking a beer? Or something a little less potent?
Snorlax offered me a sip of his beer.
Me: You’re sure you don’t mind?
Snorlax: It’s all good. Have a sip.
FPB was fuming again.
Snorlax handed me his beer and I took a sip.
Me: Thank you.
FPB: You’re drinking after another man??? You didn’t even wipe off the mouth of the bottle first? UGH! It’s like you’re kissing him!
Snorlax started making kissy sounds at me. I made them back. Everyone laughed. Everyone but FPB, of course.
Please remember that this was in the Before Times...
I sat back down. FPB pulled me into his lap and growled, “Snorlax now? Really?”
I twisted to look him in the face and said through clenched teeth, “It was a sip of beer.”
FBP kept one long arm tightly wound around me and used his free hand to slug back loud gulps of Jack & Pepper. I dared to glance over at Axton. We locked eyes for a few seconds, but Axton abruptly whipped his head around to face Mori.
FPB roared, “WERE YOU JUST LOOKING AT MY GIRLFRIEND, FUCK-WALLET???”
Sweet Athena spoke up.
Athena: Funky. Seriously. We’re supposed to be a team. We can’t even look at each other? Mori, can we outlaw the outbursts? We’re never even gonna get past the planning phase if FPB keeps screaming at every single person who interacts with OP.”
Mori: I’m inclined to agree with you, Athena. FPB, why did you invite your girlfriend here if you didn’t want her to play our game and get to know us?
I felt FPB take a deep breath in preparation to react inappropriately to Mori’s innocuous question.
Mori was able to effectively silence him by simply lifting his hand. Dude, he was gonna have to teach me his tricks!
Mori: We’d like to be able to get to know her in peace. OP, would you like to get to know us in peace?
Me: Yes. I really would.
Mori: FPB, these outbursts have earned you a new punishment... The Lap of Luxury. Get on over here, Tall Boy.
Mori patted his lap.
FPB: Are you serious?
Mori: I am. You sit right here until I say you may rise.
FPB didn’t move.
Mori: Should you refuse, OP can come sit in my lap. (Better Mori’s lap than FPB’s.)
FPB scrambled up, sending me flying out of his lap. I gleefully lit a cigarette and made googlie eyes at Axton that were sure to go unnoticed by the incredibly incensed FPB.
FPB awkwardly folded himself into Mori’s lap, grunting and grumbling the entire time. The rest of the team was desperately trying not to laugh (which of course, made it even funnier).
Once he had settled in (as much as he could), we continued the planning phase. Athena was successful, so was Snorlax, so was Sage. But Axton glitched. This was sure to be a problem. Mori was stuck under FPB, so he was unable to “whip it out” and administer the customary punishment.
Mori: Axton, remove a piece of your armor.
Axton reached around with one hand and pulled his t-shirt off in a single fluid motion. I’m quite certain that my pupils noticeably dilated. The rest of the room “whooped” like we were at a Chip ‘n Dales show.
FPB looked like some sort of cartoon villain who had just been foiled. As he sat indignantly upon the Mori Throne, he twitched and shifted, snarling curses, teeth gritted. And then he froze. His eyes widened. He started to stand, but Mori wrapped his arms around him tightly, trapping him in the Lap of Luxury.
FPB: YOU HAVE A HARD-ON, BRO. LET ME THE FUCK GO.
I squealed with laughter. And it seemed that I had been right about Mori letting people off the hook when they were legitimately uncomfortable with the “gross-out” punishments, because Mori loosened his grip, allowing FPB stomp off to the back porch.
“OP! OP! OOOOOOOO PPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!,” FPB screamed from the porch.
Mori: OP, you’re free to go tend to his meltdown if you want to. But I’m happy to handle him if you need a break.
Me: I definitely need a break.
Mori got up to tend to the bearded ball of rage.
I heard a bit of unintelligible yelling, then the door slammed. We all looked at each other with something across between nervousness and bemusement, waiting for someone to speak. I decided to break the silence...

I pulled her card from my lockbox today. I couldn’t bring myself to remove it from its wrapping though. I’ll explain the card in a little while. Even in just that briefest of moments though, the tears became too thick. I so wanted to see her name. Instead I decided to only go back to the memories. They bring enough tears. So I put the card back but need to tell my story of that memory. So thank you for your time in letting me indulge dear Reader. I know your time is precious and I am loquacious of a sort.
The place I used to work at a long, long time ago, Croc’s, was an odd duck. It was a Transformer of sorts. During the day and early evening it was a damn good Mexican restaurant. One of the best in town. Lunch was insane. Dinner was a respite. But on Friday, Saturdays, some Thursdays, and almost every holiday eve, it was… I don’t even have words. Nothing like what went on in those walls had been seen in Denver at the time. We had lines around blocks. The plural is not a mistake. On those nights, Croc’s was THE place to be in Denver. The owners got there before everyone else and had hit a jackpot with the place. The Rockies were starting over at Mile High and moving to LoDo soon. LoDo was booming and we were in the middle of it partying like no tomorrow every night.
But this isn’t about that amazing place, that’s for another day. Nope. This is about her, her son and I. Or rather, about loss and memories. But it all started at Croc’s and you needed to know what a breath of a moment in time we shared there. Not on one of those crazy nights but one lazy Sunday when we were pretty slow.
I mentioned the restaurant was an odd duck. See, it was designed so that from breakfast through dinner and into very early evening, it was a purposeful, full-fledged, extremely popular, and well reviewed dining establishment. But after that, it was designed so we could remove every table, chair, stool and booth. We essentially turned the whole restaurant into a giant dance floor with a bar that spanned half the distance of the long wall topped with massive tequila and booze pyramids. The wells were at either end with a plant potter behind them for storage. It was split level(ish) with a few VIP areas squirreled away. State of the art DJ booth on the south end of the bar. Oh and did I mention we had a 28 foot replica of a Nile croc suspended from the roof named “Hal”.
The owners were a group of friends who had grown up in the business. One of them was from the family that started Senior Frogs and the like down in Mexico. They had all met and worked at some of the hottest places in the state and been to some of the craziest places around the Americas. So when I say no one had seen anything like it, they hadn’t. We had a person that would blow tequila from a custom bong into a partier's mouth from 30 feet away. Our DJ’s were the best in town. We poached the absolute best in talent from every bar in a 4000 mile radius. That movie “Cocktail”? Yeah, that was this place on steroids. Hell, beside myself and 1 or 2 other guys, our security eventually turned into off duty SWAT cops. All these places around Denver and, hell, around the country you see now? Yeah these guys started it right there in LoDo.
It was the paper and crayons we would put on every table though where my memory begins.
There had been other places that had done what we did with the butcher block paper. It went on every table with crayons. It wasn’t the most innovative thing there but it was fun and the patrons enjoyed it. Many great artists out there! And of course the kids loved it. A lot of the folks who lived around there would bring their kids with them for lunch or dinner. I worked a lot of Sunday day shifts because a) everyone was hung over and never wanted to work and b) it was usually a nice bit of quiet after two nights that would make Caligula jealous. Plus the people who did come in were usually pretty cool and just out for a good meal. It was pretty chill after all that joyous chaos.
My section was usually the front lifted area just in front of the potters and a few tables in the middle. I was splitting with the other server that day since it was more dead than usual. A beautiful Colorado day back then. Blue sky with puffy clouds. Perfect temperature with no wind so the front doors to the small little patio were open. You could smell the flowers from across the street. The other server let me know she had sat a couple of people at one of my four tops. Sounded good so I headed out to say hello.
It was customary for us to write our name on the paper when we showed up. It was hokie but everyone loved it. It was our way of saying welcome and have fun! Some servers could do it upside down but I could never get the hang of that.
I headed down the bar toward the front, preoccupied with getting my marker out for the intro. I remember coming around the corner of the potter and just kind of coming to a juddering stop at the top step, tripping and almost falling on my face. Luckily she was a little preoccupied with her son and getting him situated so she missed seeing me make a gobsmacked fool out of myself.
I luckily regained what little balance I could alongside some composure quick enough to walk up and say hi. She said hi and then kind of waited. “Oh yeah dumbass” I said to myself as I told her, or rather flubbed, my name as I wrote it in the corner so they could read it right side up. She giggled a little bit as most people did with my nickname at the time. I hadn’t noticed but her son had been waiting the whole time for that moment. He grabbed his crayon and wrote his name and her name in front of them. “That’s a good name isn’t it?” I asked him. I told him it was the same as mine but the longer version. He was a little surprised by this as I went by “Scooter” back then. It took a second but he quickly realized it was a nickname. He had signed the long version of our name and said that’s what he liked. Right on man, you got it. Damn smart kid. You can tell, ya know?
After that briefest of moments, I shook myself a little and introduced myself for, I think the fourth time now. She tells me her name but it is instantly gone. Not only because of the effect this moment is having on me, but just because I am bad with names on the first go around. I don’t think we heard what either was saying anyway. Our eyes were locked and in that moment, it was all that mattered somehow. I can remember how deeply they shined. Her hair was a little damp and unkempt like someone in a hurry but has that respect for herself. Dark like her eyes but shining from the light outside. A simple blue/light purple and white striped shirt. Slightly damp around the shoulders. Worn jeans. Not the designer type but jeans aged with a good strong life. Blue canvas deck shoes with the white souls if I remember that part right. Maybe black canvas. I saw all this without ever breaking her gaze.
It was as if in the same moment we both realized we were in the same place together but not there alone. A moment later we both found ourselves apologizing for talking over the other. Sheepishly, like teens on their first date. Giggling a bit. Not knowing what was happening but knowing that something most definitely was. I apologized for the awkwardness and I think I cracked a joke or something but neither of us knew what to do. There was a calm panic and, I dare to say, a longing that was unknown?
It was her son who brought us both back to reality. He had asked if we had Coke or Pepsi. I shook myself internally again and told him we had Coke but could find some Pepsi if he really wanted it. Luckily he was not a Pepsi kid. I also told him that, yes, I would be happy to add a cherry to it. This time though when I met his eyes, I looked at myself when I was that age, as I answered that question. I hadn’t noticed it. Like a mirror as they say. Dark brown hair full of cowlicks. Round face with a big smile. Getting that cherry meant the world to him. I remembered that same feeling again through him. It was like looking at a version of myself I only saw in pictures.
At this very second in time I remember being terrified. Not “scared” terrified. It was more like, holy shite is this happening? What is going on? I wanted to turn and run and hide but somehow regained what little composure was left in that split second. I turned back to her and saw that she had just seen what I had seen. I could see wonder, joy, confusion, happiness, peace, thrill, fear and hope that I am sure were being reflected in my own eyes. We both needed a few minutes. We each could see it. It was overwhelming. Again, not a bad overwhelming but one of those moments where you need to put your hands on your knees and take some big, deep breaths.
The whole 3 or 4 minutes were surreal. And I will never forget them. I will fight as hard as I can to hold onto the others I have of both of them.
Somehow I managed to Charlie Chaplin myself away to get their drink order. I believe hers was a Sprite with a lemon. Normally I would go right around the corner of the plant potter and get the sodas from the guns there. Instead I went all the way to the back station. I needed to breathe. It seemed like an hour but I headed back. By this time the son was going to town. He had talent and it showed. It seemed like we had regained ourselves somewhat but the whole meal was kind of like an episode out of a teen comedy. We giggled, laughed, blushed, and did all the other things you would expect to see from two teenagers who discover they like each other. It wasn’t like I was trying to stay with them, or they tried to keep me there. It just kind of happened. I’d start to go away and she would ask me back for something simple. I would bring something I had forgotten in case they needed it. The whole meal went that way.
When they were done and ready to go, I was dreading it. Should I ask her out? She had mentioned she was single. It felt like I should ask her out. Like I said, the whole visit was surreal. There was no ring or even a suntan line of one (Don’t judge me, it was a different time). I wasn’t seeing anyone either. We seemed to get along amazingly, both her and her son. Even my fellow server noticed and was egging me on. It was obvious. Doing something like that with a client back then happened. Not usually in the first 30 seconds but you never know. I made up my mind to walk them out as I had no other tables and see what happened. I took the check to the table. She was packing her bag. I had gotten a refill for his togo cup and handed it to him. He said thank you and said he drew something for me. They had carefully torn it from the paper and he handed it to me. It was the three of us holding hands. How I held the tears then I do not know. I was a different person there at that precise point in time. At this moment those tears are here though.
I bent down to his level and thanked him sincerely. He said he was glad I liked it and he hugged me. I heard her try to stifle her gasp. Thank any or no gods or whoever for him. He let go, grabbed his Mom’s hand and said he was ready to go. As I stood up I could see tears welling in her eyes. He hadn’t done that to another man in, what she said, was a very long time she would tell me in a quiet voice as we started to walk toward the door. That was it. I didn’t know what to do. I hadn’t even noticed that when we got to the big double doors, he had grabbed my hand. It just was there.
By this time I do not think either of us really knew what to do or what was going on. I mean, this was an impromptu outing to a place her son had liked because of the paper. It was a cheap and good lunch and then off to wherever for them and another table for me while I rolled silverware in the back or stocked the empty quicks from the previous night. But it seemed like it had been years together but only moments, if that makes sense? I certainly did not know what to do at this point. I think I mumbled what a delight it was to be able to spend time with them and I hoped they had enjoyed themselves or something like that. I honestly could not tell you. By this time she had regained herself somewhat. That girlishness turned into an elegance, beauty and strength that I had not seen before. But those same feelings exchanged in that momentary glance were still there. As was still a bit of moisture along the bottom of her eyes. We made a bit of small talk till he got a bit antsy and wanted to head off.
As we said our goodbyes that day, almost at the same time, we asked our questions. I asked if she would like to come by again soon with her son. His birthday was coming up I think and I could get the guys in back to make him something special. At least I think that was it. Her’s was if it would be ok if they came back soon. You know because the little guy liked drawing and the food. More childish giggling and laughing. And before she left she gave me her card and said to call if I was going to be working again on a Sunday or just whenever. As they walked together, hand in hand down and around the corner, I just stared at them and then the card over and over.
That very card I put back in a safe place tonight.
She was a designer as it turned out. I didn’t pry into her past as it sounded like it wasn’t all that great at times. She came by the restaurant a few more times after that. I then called once or twice to say hi and how they were doing and to let her know to come by. Eventually she asked me out. We spent some time together and it started to get a little more serious. She was a few years older but not by much. She was driven and forthright. Quick witted and compassionate. And such a good Mom with a massive heart. I was young then, somewhat good looking, fairly well paid and worked at the hottest spot in the state. And I had this woman I couldn’t get out of my head. Even my coworkers knew and could see what was going on whenever we were together. Either just the two of us or all three of us. Walking on clouds was an apt statement. At this point I want to point out that while I am no saint whatsoever, I do consider myself a decent person. At least I was back then and for the most part today. Things have changed as they always do but I digress.
Eventually the moment came. The serious date. She had a small but fantastic apartment downtown and wanted to make me dinner for once. I don’t think she was done asking before I said yes. We set a date for later that week. I remember it was a Saturday because me taking a night off from that place, with all its amazing moments each night to the amount of money you walked out with each night to leaving one of the other bouncers with one of the other guys he wasn’t used to, was a pretty big deal. Had to call in favors but everyone just said go. No one there batted an eye. They all seemed to know what a big deal this was somehow.
We set it for a little later in the evening so I could get things in proper working fashion up front of the house and then head over. Any of you who have worked in a restaurant know that smell you get. Kind of need to have worked in that environment to know I guess. So that night, I didn’t have time to head home then come back. So I had a change of clothes and a vanity bag so I could clean up in the back. Wouldn’t be the first time I got sprayed down by the dishwasher but probably a first for this reason. Cleaned up pretty well, freshly shaved and quaffed, walking so far above Cloud 9 I lost track of which one I was on. Headed out to put the work kit and bag in the truck. On the way out a few who knew what had been going on smiled or waved.
And off I went. I was a little late but she said she had expected it given the night of the week. Back then, downtown Denver was different. Colorado was different. I guess everywhere was different back then. But in this instance, I mean in an architectural way. You didn’t have the towers all around LoDo as you do now. From some rooftops you could still watch a sunset over the mountains. Say what you will, even I have to admit that a purple and orange sunset over the mountains is quite possibly the most beautiful natural thing I have seen. It is immense but oh so fleeting. Just like our lives I guess. You could still hear birds and bugs over cars at times. I wouldn’t say it was peaceful but it was at least calm?
She was lucky as her apartment, though smallish, came with a hidden bonus. Her window allowed her to access the roof on the next building. A part of it anyway. But this little slice of hidden wonder allowed a view down Market Street, across Spear, over Auraria and then the mountain view. It was stunning. Like the apartment, the space was just cozy enough for two to enjoy a little rooftop barbeque and dining. She gave me the quick tour and we poured some wine. She was going through the menu as we “headed outside”. The door was a small little window. I remember scratching my head and thinking I may not fit out there. She handled it with the grace of a ballerina and said I could do it. It took a minute or two but I contorted my clumsy self outside. And she was right. It was spectacular.
Not just the view but what she had done with her little corner of peace. She had talked with the building owner who agreed that she could use this space as he didn't even know about it. It was like something out of a commercial today. A nice little seating couch type niche. Well built trellis with some small Christmas lights for effect. A little brick grilling area with a hibachi going. I can still smell it. The table with candles and dinnerware. Decking. I was taken aback. The way it was situated insulated her from the sounds down below. You could hear them but it was almost like distant white noise. It was just peaceful. I remember remarking about this. She said she discovered it by accident when her son thought it might be a good play area.
Dinner was wonderful. The night went on. There wasn’t a sense of time. Just us there in that little part of the universe that was only hers. To this day I do not think I felt that safe before anywhere nor since. Someone was letting me into one of their most sacred spots. Literally and figuratively. I felt privileged. Almost as though I was treading somewhere I shouldn’t be. I think that thought was my downfall however. Don’t worry dear Reader, you will understand all that very soon. We watched that sunset. It was perfect. The right contrast of colors. Just the right amount of clouds to change those colors ever so slightly. A reminder of how something can change for the simplest of reasons.
As night grew darker it started to get cold. The goosebumps we were feeling on each other's skin holding hands and looking at the stars weren’t just from feelings. It was getting cool so we moved inside. After safely dousing the grill and making sure the coals were in their proper place, we cleaned up. Since it was easier, I stayed outside and handed them into the house to her. We figured it would be safer for the dishes. Giggled some more as we came to realize more and more things about each other at the same time. Finally the outside was clear. I stood outside for another minute to take in what was happening. I think that is then that little bit of fear weeded its way in without my realizing it. This was as close to perfect as I could ever dream I thought.
After squeezing back inside, assisted again but ok with that, we cleaned up the dishes and opened another bottle of wine. The inside was just as cozy. At some point she had lit some more candles and had some soft music going. Light jazz if I remember. Not loud at all. Again, there, just outside the periphery. Sitting on the couch I can feel her sitting next to me. We are close. Two people holding each other wanting to believe but not sure if this is real. There was almost a vibration. The constant goosebumps were not because of the cold anymore. Once we were both comfortable and we just talked. For hours and hours. There were the intimate moments but nothing scandalous. A tenuous kiss from one to the other.
We talked about what two people talk about who truly want to know the other. I believe we asked as many honest questions of ourselves as we did of the other. We really, truly, wholly wanted to know each other. And that is what we did. The more we talked the more comfortable we felt. Each of us had our scars that were not easily revealed. Nor did we reveal all of them that night and guarded them well. But we each wanted to know if the other was someone we could trust with those deepest places that we all hide in the darkest parts of our soul.
We talked a little about her son’s father but not in depth. It was easy to see that was one of the scars. We talked about her son. Why she was so astonished that first day. My heart wrenches this very moment dear Reader upon remembering that. Her hopes for him. His likes and his dislikes. Some of the stories parents tell others to embarrass their children later in life. We talked about what futures there could be not for us but for him and his world. He really was an amazing kid and I am sure has grown up to be someone she can be proud of. Time did not exist that night. Feelings and thoughts were exchanged that did not need to be said. We just knew each other that night.
We never did finish the second bottle if memory serves, we talked, laughed and sat together in peaceful comfort and gave no care about anything else. But tomorrow was coming as it always does and we had to leave each other. I remember the closeness as we held each other. The pressure of two bodies at that singular moment in time. That one instant that feels as though it could last through infinity. When two become one and feel the safety, love, compassion, trust and sameness that is rarely, if ever experienced.
Pardon me dear Reader but must ask a moment to compose myself. We are getting close to the end of my tale so also ask for just a bit more of your time. I know how so very precious it is. Thank you for allowing me to continue.
I do not know how long we held each other. To this day I wish it had been so much longer however. I do remember leaving. Working where I did, I was sadly but actively very familiar with many different levels and types of inebriation. That feeling that morning however was something that surpassed all that I had experienced in my life. I had never felt like this. I knew that the sun was starting to come up as I parked my car. I knew that I got through the door, downstairs and then fell asleep. I wasn’t drunk. It was pure. A pure love, happiness, joy and trust I had never felt from someone else. This feeling was so powerful it had knocked me for a loop that I just was not ready for.
I awoke later that day, thankful I didn’t have to work. It was late in the afternoon and I felt like I had been hit by a bus but didn’t care. I believe that the night before we both had excised many things that we had held inside for so long. I could (and can) still remember the whole night if not the words. I felt like one does after you give everything physically possible to something and have nothing left to give. But it felt right. Regardless of the ending, I do believe that, even though brief, that night, two people who had needed to find each other did. I think they needed to know that there was at least one person who understood, even if they hadn’t needed to actually say anything.
Now dear Reader I must ask you to remember that part about fear. Given my early life and life up to that point and to this day, I do find it very hard to trust. So this was something I had to confront. And so I started to. Instead of seeing what she saw in me, I saw the things I thought were ugly. I got scared that those scars would be peeled away and she would be repulsed. And these thoughts and fears grew. We still saw each other and talked for a while after that night. But my fear took over quickly. Before I knew it I had driven her away. There was no maliciousness about it. The thoughts that had ruled my life for so long before her and then after her, to this day, always got to the same thing. If you let her in, she will leave because of who you are. It was idiotic but it was ingrained at this point. I eventually told her I didn’t think it was going to work out. The truth was that I was scared. Scared to let her in. I hated myself for not being honest with her. She would have understood. Probably more than any other.
After that, I went on with my life as a young person does in that atmosphere. I saw her one time after that final talk. She waved as she and her son sat in a section away from mine. I waved back and remembered going out back and beating the hell out of our cooler there. I was so mad at myself then. While the anger passed as life threw one thing at me after another as it does until I find myself here today writing this, the pain of losing her has never healed. Nor do I want it to. That pain also brings memories that I so rarely experience anymore. I buried it for a long, long, long time but recently I find myself thinking about her and her son more and more. What would have been?
For you see dear Reader, that moment was my perfect chance. Not long ago in my life I was diagnosed with cancer. I eventually beat it but it has long since ruined my life. But that is not why I tell this tale. I ask for no sympathy. My life is where I am supposed to be. I have come to peace with that. To an extent I guess anyway. The reason it was my perfect chance is this. I was also diagnosed with a genetic defect which essentially makes me a cancer producer with no natural way to fight it. My mothers father died of colon and pancreatic cancer. My Mother has beaten 5 different bouts of cancer. I have been tested and confirmed. So if I had had a child, I would more than likely have passed that to them. After listening to what my mother watched her father go through. After watching my own Mother fight this monster 5 times and win each time. After all that I was horrified to learn that I could have passed this monster to someone I would have loved with all my heart.
I never married and never had a child. For most of my life I regretted that most of all to the point of shame. I am the last person in my familial lineage that will ever carry my name. My line dies with me. For the longest time that has been a great burden. However, after the geneticist confirmed me and a great deal of internal contemplation, with the aid of hindsight, part of me is glad that I never had a wife and child who would have to go through the horrors I have heard about, watched and gone through first hand and personally. That at least brings me a modicum of inner peace. Do not be fooled ever though. This monster is evil. It takes everything from all but the luckiest.
And I had my moment of perfect chance. Even though I did not know it at the time, I had an opportunity to spend the rest of my life with two someones who I truly believe to this day, loved me. Even if for so very briefly. I gave up the chance to be able to be a husband and care for someone I believe I loved and loved me. I had a chance to be the father I wanted to be without passing on my monster. To see a child grow into their best self. I get angry at times that I did this. Not necessarily my own selfish needs. I am also mad that this person trusted me and I couldn’t do the same in the end. That I let a child down who for his own reasons let me in when he shut others out. That we could have been the family we could have been. And I ran because I was scared. I can never forgive myself for doing that to them. This may sound selfish and perhaps it is but it is my history.
And now dear Reader we come to the end of my tale. Where it all began.
Her card.
I think you will understand why I put it away instead of taking it out after this. I mentioned that she was a designer. Her card is exquisite. I don’t need to see it to describe it. There is a silver cord ribbon wrapped around a waxed paper tied in a bow. It sparkles silver but is brittle after all the years. I can slide the card out carefully but don’t want to take a chance of damaging it. My hands aren’t the best anymore. The writing on the card is done with a most excellent penmanship in purple over white with black. The backing is white with the black used as border highlighting with purple as the border and main color. There is a bit of sparkle in one of the purples but not a garish amount. Just enough to catch the eye. The back is similar with details of her work at the time as well as some contact information. I don’t know if she did this on all of them, but there was a scent of her perfume that accompanied it for a while. It, like much else, has faded.
We all have a place to keep our most precious items. This one rarely leaves that place for me.
So in the really bad times dear Reader, I try to look at that card. I say try because it is very painful to try to do so. Today was one of those days and I wanted to share it. In the end I couldn’t get past the tears to look at it so returned it to its safety. Not really because of the pain. Believe me, the pain is there in vast amounts. But because of that first moment. I needed to remember what that feeling was like. I needed to remember what it is to look in another's eyes and see the whole universe and all its infinite possibilities. Some regrets, regardless of time, will always follow you. Be honest about that with yourself dear Reader. Today I needed to remember her and him. I needed that acceptance. That peace. That joy, That trust. That love.
This time however I needed to commit this to our history so that perhaps at least one other will read it and maybe it will impact somehow. This is not meant to be a moralistic tale. It is just a tale of love lost. A life that could have been different. I hope, dear Reader, that your life is filled with wonder and love. Do not miss a single chance in your life because of fear. Be cautious but be open. Your world is massive but also miniscule. The chances don’t happen often anymore so grab them and hold onto them when you can. Try to think of all possibilities and look through others' eyes. But most importantly. If you do find your perfect moment, do not let it go dear Reader. It may never come again.
That is the end of my tale. I thank you so much dear Reader. As I have said many times, your time is precious and I have taken enough. Safe journeys to you my friend.

I've had this genie alladin wifi garage door opener for a few years now. It was great, didn't have to double back and check to make sure I closed my garage door. Suddenly one day it loses its wifi connection. Hey, maybe it broke, right? So I get another one and it is completely unable to detect my wifi signal. Has anyone else run into a similar situation? Everything else still works, cameras, ring system, just not this one thing. Could it be my router...?

I'm getting ready to put an offer in on a Spanish Revival house that's just over 100 years old. Although I've lived in a 150+ old duplex for 14 years, this will be the first house that I'll own. I've always known I wanted an older home, with all its charms and quirks. But now it's getting real, real fast! What do you wish you would've known or considered? What were you surprised by? What did you think you'd love, but ended up hating (and vice versa)? What do you wish you would've done before closing?
I'm particularly interested in hearing from my single ladies, and/or from folks in or abouts New Orleans--which has its own special sort of surprises & considerations.
This home has basically everything I've been wanting and looking for over the past few years. My only concern it that its gigantic. Like monstrously large. 2,700 sq feet large. My housemate is coming with me, and I'll probably get at least one but probably two other housemates to fill it out and help pay for the inevitable repairs & upgrades. I've always planned to have housemates, even with a much smaller place. My main concern is that that's a lot of roofing and a lot of foundation for something to go wrong, and will be that much more costly to address.
On my first viewing I focused on seeing if it had what I wanted and didn't have what I didn't want. I of course tried to keep my eyes open for signs of major issues & asked a few questions, but it was a lot to take in! The seller is exempt from disclosures, so there's a lot of unknowns. I do know the electrical was replaced about 20 years ago (although knob & tube wiring is still in the walls), but aside from that it looks pretty untouched since the 60s. The only issue that I noticed was a pipe leaking above the door to the garage in the "basement" (unfinished ground floor). I'm going back with one of my main contractors and my housemate in a few days, with a new round of questions that I've also sent my realtors. If all looks promising, I plan to put in an offer by the end of next week, and expect that it would be accepted. I looked up the crime map and checked out the area during a heavy rain for signs of flooding. All looked good.
I'll definitely get a structural engineer before closing. I'm not the handiest, but I like learning and can learn. I've slowly learnt some light plumbing and electrical in my century rental already. I have general contractors, a carpenter, and a plumber who I trust to find the issues, and fix them correctly at a fair price. I consider this as a long-term commitment to a hobby of restoring a century home and living in the piece of art that I slowly restore. Funds will be a little tight immediately after closing, but after a year I should be humming along comfortably able to set aside ~3-4% of the cost of the house annually to put towards repairs and upgrades. I'm generally very patient, and enjoy turning apparent bugs into features. I do tend to get stressed over financial insecurity though.
TL;DR - What do you wish you had known/considered before buying a century home solo?

Our old 4 storey apt just installed a new garage door and it is really loud. I’m on 3rd floor and it’s crazy loud. Could there be something wrong with the installation? We are above to garage door in our bedroom. Any suggestions?