I am in an awkward and confusing situation here and need some help. I (m31) have been married to my wife (f29) since 4 years and we have a baby. Recently we came to our in-laws because I have some long-term work in the same town. Of course we are staying at the in-laws house. Now my wife has a sister (f25) named sky (not real). She has been good to me and we talk normally. She took care of the kid in past, still does at times and is generally respectful. This time though it has been a whole different scene. She had been staring me a bit more, being a little bit more funny and so on.
So my wife is out with her parents n kid and I took a shower and am in my room (the room we were staying in). Since I got some alone time after shower after quite a few days, I was basically taking my own sweet time to rub my hair, apply some cream. After a good 2 minutes, I look towards the door and I see that the door wasn't all closed and I saw sky walk away. Im 100% sure that she was looking in since some time and was astonished by my sudden head turn i guess. I didn't know what to say bcs it was a fault but i wasnt 100% sure if she was looking or not... I kept quiet n nothng happened.
About a week later, im late for meeting. Today too my wife is out with parents. I walk to the common bathroom with my stuff and i find her taking shower. I was surprised bcs normally it wud be locked from inside if someone's in there. Of course I saw her nakd. I didnt want to be the awkward guy so later I msgd her saying sorry it was a mistake. she responds with a dry "ok".
but abt another week later, same situation (wife, kid, her parents out) and I once again walk in on her in the bathroom. I said a sorry again and all she said was "ok. it happens. no worries". The third time does not feel like coincidence because her own room has an attached bathroom...she does not have to come out for taking a bath.
I have no intentions to do anythign with her but being a human her naked figure was doing rounds in my head and of course I am imagining things. i decided to tell my wife. I told her everything in detail. Guess what? She says "oh.... that's all she said? If sky says dont worry so dont worry", kisses me and goes onto doing whatever she was doing. Honestly, I was expecting some anger from her and i was kinda astonished by her reaction. She is kinda possessive and shows signs of jealousy even if I appreciate any other woman for anything (not just looks). Such lukewarm reaction .... not what i expected.
Today morning I was in the half asleep state and I feel my dick is being sucked. Now wife does this sometimes. If I am having a boner in my sleep, she might start sucking, especially when its morning. I have woken up to that a number of times. So today too, I am almost half asleep and am slowly waking up to the sensation and I moaned her name a couple of times. It took me a while to realise what might be happening I woke up ashamed of dreaming abt sky. Guess what... my wife acts as if she heard nothing. She proceeds with it, I cum and all is normal. During the day whenever I came back home, sky is opening the door with rather unusual dress (deep neck, tight pants) - something I don't remember her wearing ever inside the house.
I dunno what's going on. Since my wife's reaction was so lukewarm, I have started feeling so strongly that sky wants to do me and my wife doesn't care if I do it. I am obviously infatuated a bit and imagining sky. I mean I have conveyed things to my wife and she does not seem to care. it feels so inappropriate to ask in laws. What should I do? what shud I say and to whom? Should I take a step forward with sky? Should I force my wife to tell me what's on her mind and why she did not bother about it? I am totally confused. Help me.

Trigger warning of abuse. This is not a throw account so I might delete it in the future but I need answers and get this off my chest. English is my second language so I might make mistakes here and there. My brother (M26) and I (F23) used to not get along at all. When we were little, we would fight about anything especially when my parents were not home and it would sometimes get physical. I remember him not really hitting me but sitting on my body and closing my nose and mouth to stop me from breathing and choking me like this. This would happen during fights more frequently so I wouldn't have a physical proof to show my parents of how he would threat me. This begin to happen less in my high-school years but we still would have fights and not get along. I also want to point out my parents wouldn't understand the scale of it's seriousness or wouldn't believe it was a big deal since "siblings fight all the time" and they wouldn't be there during the fights. One day we had a huge fight when I was 17, he was 21. I am not gonna get into the details to that incident but I left during mid fight and I told my family I would call the cops if it kept happening when I go back home. So when I came back home, it did keep happening and I called the cops. My father blamed me for calling the cops instead of him and he kept blaming and making me feel guilty when he and my mom was having a divorce, making me feel like the divorce was partially my fault. After that incident, he never apologized for his actions towards me but he did try to be better I think. After that maybe we would have small verbal fights or arguments every once in few months but that was it. 3 years later I had a good one week job and my brother was going to have a europe trip. We were tight on money and my mother wanted me to pay for his flight saying she would pay me back but I said he should and I don't want it back from her, the money was almost about the whole money I was getting from that job. After insisting that he should pay for himself or pay it back but I gave up and gave the money because of the pressure I was getting and the guilt-trip for being a bad sister. He did say thank you but I don't remember him paying back. Now, my mom says he did and I don't have the strongest memory but I still believe he didn't pay me back.
But especially after that we begin to get along more and the last time I saw him, like a month ago, he was very nice to me and asked stuff about my life, how the school and living alone was like and seemed very understanding towards the things I was saying. We had a nice conversation and he hugged me which felt very genuine.
Now I feel confused about my feelings and kinda mad at myself for still blaming him. I can't forget the things he did to me but I don't think he remembers the stuff being that bad, or doesn't understand how much those stuff effected me. I think he changed but I don't know if I should forgive him. It did happened in the past and he is better to me now but also, he never apologized. I'm tired of feeling guilt for still being stuck on the past, especially now that he's better and acting more caring.

Im a freshman and may midyear kami, which is OJT. Lucky for me, HR tita ko from a well known company, so I got in easily sa target department ko (IT). I had passed all enrollment and OJT requirements, waiting nalang talaga ma enroll ako ng registar
Which might take some time. Sa 19 pa kasi ang pasukan, and hanggang ngayon wala pang grades sa portal. My aunt keeps asking me when I should start but I cant give her a direct answer because ako din naguguluhan. Last week, someone from HR (bestfriend ng tita ko) told me that my aunt is excited to have me there. Antagal niya na din kasi ako kinulit tungkol dun haha.
Thing is, may OJT booklet na ko. I just dont know kung maccredit yung hours ko na pag pasok before pasukan. The coordinator informed me beforehand basta ma enroll puwede namag start.
I have about a week and a few days to enjoy my free time. And by that, I spend about 2-3 hrs researching and upskilling na hindi nagagawa nung may pasok, 1-2 hrs na freelance work, the rest phone and hobbies. I think na since freshman naman ako wala masyadong ipapagawa and I can code sa office. Malayo nga lang yung office kaya baka draining physically, pero may shuttle.
I asked around pero parang wala pang magsisimula. I have a classmate na magsstart na sa 13 though.
So, should I enjoy my break off school/work to upskill, stay at home? Or should I start early with the possibility na hindi ma credit hours at work? Need your advice

If I click the very bottom of my screen while in the finder (like as far to the bottom as you can) I activate "Show Desktop" (i.e. F11: hide all the visible windows).
Is this something from an app I have? A new Sonoma feature? Has this always been a thing and I never knew it?

So I just got re-admitted into the hospital. I originally came here because of symptomatic anemia, but looks like I’ll be here for other reasons. There’s a lot of stress just put on my body but idk how long I’ll be in. I got a CT scan they noticed some fluid buildup. After an uncomfortable ultrasound they found a ruptured ovarian cyst. It must have happened sometime between last week’s CT and today’s. It’s absolutely annoying but explains why my gut has been feeling a bit better from the IV steroids and oral prednisone I was given, but my lower abdomen would be in literal torturous pain for the past few days. The notes said it’s not severe fluid buildup but holy shit the only thing that can help are opiates. Luckily I’m not constipated nor do I have a blockage. I’m just hoping this rupture goes away soon.

My windows Windows 1909 has gone stale again, i used the 1909 edition regedit tweak, but it still got a bunch of none feature updates that ruined it, this time specifically the background windows defender processes are overheating the NVME drive with multiple terabytes of read/writes per day the drives often reach over 100c in HWinfo at otherwise idle operation, the default admin account can't disable them, so i have to boot some other OS to try and fix the problem
Wifi 6/Bluetooth drivers notably lack support for older versions of Windows 10, and that, means the integrated wifi/bluetooth on any Z690 or newer board, which is why i had tried installing a 1909 iso in the first place, when 7 or 8.1 or 1709, wouldn't have this problem, but if i hate Ubuntu, Debian, Fedora, Pacman is not as awful, but still a nightmare, maybe NixOS is reliable???, looks like the only thing that doesn't suffer from library hell to me.
i really need something that just runs all the drivers i need for the lifespan of the hardware i have without breaking, new Software does not seem capable of this task, also working with a new motherboard would be a great pipe dream, but currently Windows 10 breaks faster then my Hardware.
maybe if i have something reliable as a storage server that never receives any updates for anything at all, and i just burn through disposable OSes for anything that is not storage, that might be better then trying to rely on any modern OS to receive updates, data/software migration is exhausting, but ofc Ext4 makes interoperability difficult in that case.

For the last 4 or 5 years, I had been out of the industry. I made it pretty far, and got absolutely crushed once the lights got bright, so to speak. I was devastated. I decided to take on another career for a while maintaining airplanes. It was FUCKING AWESOME and so much fun but then a bunch of major life changes happened including a mild brain injury, which left me unable to do anything but cook. So, cooking I did.
​
Back in March I applied at a restaurant job on a whim and was hired. Fast forward 3 months and I work off and on at a bar my friend runs, while also working at 2 of the nicest restaurants in my area. On top of that, tomorrow I do my first completely private gig. I've done countless contracting gigs working at events, weddings, for caterers, and things like that, but never just going to someone's house as my own private business entity, with my own rules and recipes.
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I am beyond excited. Not only is this going to be my chance to lay my dick on the table and establish myself as a serious chef in my area, but the money is noice. $40/hr, and I charge for every hour I spend buying and prepping, as well as being in the home and cooking/presenting/entertaining/cleaning.
​
I was told to make the food well but to not go too crazy, as the guest of honor is picky. So, the menu is...
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cocktail hour - marrow and bruschetta with crostini. Also stole a gin/champagne/pom cocktail recipe from my wife. Also, mussels and chorizo
1st course - frisee, chevre, blood orange, roasted cashew, champagne vin
main course - honey mustard grilled chicken breast (guest of honors request), Moroccan style roasted baby carrots, cooper sharp gemelli and cheese
dessert - cranachan

Maybe it's kind of cliche for SM.....
And there's always so many thoughts I have.
But anyway- There's always that "person that everyone thinks you are" looming over you, preventing you from being who you really are, or at least who you would like to strive to be. But before even getting to the stigma, then you have just yourself looming over yourself, preventing you from whatever.
And I direct this generally, but it's more directed at myself. This is why I keep a diary.
...
And another thought I have. It feels like the "otherside" has nothing for me, or really the "otherside" is recovering (in my mind).......but I feel like even if recovered. There's nothing for me on the "otherside," and if there ever is to be, anything on that "otherside...."
Or basically what I'm trying to say is, I may have a "life" now (that works currently).....but eventually I'll have to build one from scratch, because in my mind the only thing I have, is what I think I ideally want my life to be. But nothing actually.
If that "reads well?"

Honestly this is the most annoying thing I've found since coming from Spotify. Unable to search for more music while some is playing if it's labelled as kids. Any workarounds?

So basically my problem is that I want to see how to improve my internet speed on my Ps4. I just moved into a rental house where the owner provides wifi. At my old place, I just plugged my router into the wall port and ran an ethernet cable to my Ps4 for a Lan connection and it was super fast. Now I cannot run a long enough cable to the owner's router and the 2.4 GHz that the Ps4 connects to is very slow and unusable. The 5g connection from the owner's router is fine on my computer and phone, but the Ps4 internet is slow. I have my own router here and when I tried plugging it into an ethernet port on the wall in my room it didn't get any internet connection. The router the owner has is a gigaspire connected to what I believe is a modem provided by the ISP that is connected to a GPON thing on the wall. How can I either hook up my router in my room or improve my internet speed?

Background:

Wanted to provide this set of nine cards I threw together for our DND campaign. My players will be entering a city tomorrow and one of the shops is called: Curio Curiosity Shoppe.
I have the rest of the shops, encounters and everything mapped out. The players are level 1 and it felt like the deck of many things and some of the other decks that have been homebrewed and posted seemed a little too strong for the party this early on. Additionally, a majority of the players are new to DND. I wanted to make a small deck of cards that would allow them to ease into things like the deck of many things with out the overwhelming benefits/withdrawals early on. Feel free to use.

The Shop:

• A quirky establishment that specializes in rare and unique items, including trinkets, oddities, and mystical relics, appealing to collectors and eccentric adventurers.
• Madam Astrid Shadowbrook: A quirky and enigmatic tiefling proprietor with an array of strange and mystical items. She is known for her cackling laughter and penchant for collecting oddities from far-flung lands, making her shop an intriguing place for adventurers seeking unique treasures. She can tell your fortune for no coin.

The Deck:

• A set of 30 cards created by an entity unknown. Throughout the years cards have been lost or destroyed leaving 9 remaining. The deck is imbued with great magics glowing when a card is drawn. Astrid acquired this deck in a deal with a powerful Arch Mage and previous leader of the Wizard's Academy. While the origins of this deck are unknown, the academy has been seeking a way to bring it back into their possession.

The Cards:

Draw a card and roll 1d4 for effect. Once a card is pulled or flipped the player may not receive that card again.
The Mother You feel a warm embrace:

• Add 1d4+1 additional health healed on you or a near by ally at an point (2 uses).
• Add 1d4+1 to your next 2 strength and constitution saving throws.
• A sense of protection and guidance from a maternal entity.
• The ability to communicate with animals or nature spirits.

The Lovers You have formed a life long bond:

• A bond is formed between the player and an NPC or party member, granting +1 to help actions when assisting each other.
• The player gains insight into the motivations and desires of an important NPC(s), aiding in social interactions.
• 1d4+1 boost to charisma and attractiveness, making interactions with romantic interests more successful (2 uses).
• The player gains knowledge of a hidden love affair or romantic intrigue within the campaign world.

The Pride You feel a strong sense of self worth and confidence:

• 1d4+1 Temporary increase in strength checks and attack rolls.
• Your next persuasion roll with an authority figure has disadvantage (stacking).
• You will be challenged to a one-on-one duel by a formidable opponent. Fame or reticule awaits.
• The player attracts the attention of a powerful and egotistical NPC, who may become an ally or rival.

The Fall You have a sinking feeling in your gut:

• A sudden loss of 1 to wisdom, intelligence, or charisma (which ever is highest) requiring the player to find a way to regain them.
• A betrayal or deception by a trusted ally, be it player, or NPC leading to a significant setback.
• Your legs feel week -1 to dexterity saving throws and -5 walking speed for 2 long rests.
• An NPC or Ally will humble you. be it in battle, politics, negotiations or haggling.

The Wizard Arcane power envelopes the room:

• +1 additional level 1 spell slot. Good for 2 uses.
• The Wizard Academy senses the arcane energy and will be searching for you.
• You gain advantage on your next 2 arcane checks.
• You encounter with a wise and knowledgeable magical being who imparts secret knowledge or assists you with a quest.

The Hunter The smell of pine and dirt fills the air. Coyotes howl in the distance while a cold breeze flows through your hair:

• +1 to animal handling and survival, making the player an expert hunter and scout for a short time.
• Some one or something will begin hunting you and your party.
• +2 to stealth rolls in woodland environments, goes away after entering an urban area or dungeon.
• You gain a contract to hunt down a legendary creature.

The Teacher: The smell of fresh books can be smelt:

• Gain proficiency with a single skill until your next meditation or short rest.
• You can assist an ally with their next 2 intelligence or wisdom checks.
• You will soon encounter either wise sages or ancient texts that offer insights and solutions to current challenges.
• The player gains an apprentice or follower who looks up to them and aids them in various ways. The apprentice is prone to losing things and making mistakes. Kindness can be costly.

The Warrior: A sense of honor and strength washes over you:

• +1 to hit dice +2 to damage dice for the next 3 attacks.
• +2 bonus to AC against the next 3 attacks.
• You become the focus of a military general or company. They believe you are their enemy and seek you out.
• You will soon be challenged to a series of gladiatorial battles to prove their strength and valor.

The Calamity:
Ţ̴̯̤͖̝̦͙̠͇͓̯̯̹̘͋̐̔͋́̈́̏̍͛̑̚͜ẖ̷̨̨̛̲͓̠̮̞̙͎̬̒͛̍̕ẽ̵̡̛̘͒́ͅs̴̤̮͖̯̱̲̯̥̭̈́͌ë̴̛̠̫͕́̽́́̐̋͊͝͝ ̵̡͔̮̺̭̘͎͙̩̫̖̀͋͂̉̈́̏̿w̷̢̨̹̘̭͎̲͔̘̫̆̀̅̂ǫ̸̲̼͔̭͇̜̞̯̪͚̼͕̣̏͋̾͌̏͗̈́̽͘ͅř̴̡̰̤̗̝̝͚̠̼̩̈̊͊̊̀̈́̈͘̕̚ḑ̶͔̜̯̹̦̹̼͔̼̹̇͑̽̿͗̿͗͛̀̇̍̀̽͜ș̶̨̹̯̰̙̤͙͚̲̟̠͇̱͙̓͑͆͋̏̚͠ ̸̨̘̈́̐̊͌͝ȧ̴͚̣̤̱͚̞̣̞̦̮̘͛̓̅͐̂̃̀́͛̚͝ͅr̴̮͈̭͚̘̠͔͚͈͛͗͆͑̈́̔͗̏͜ͅe̵̖̰̹͐͐̓̏͛̐͗̍̏̊̽͊̍ ̸̡͚̰̳̩̦͖̗̓̌̄̄ụ̸͔̼̭̣͕͙̪͔̽͒̓̄́̏͐̊̀̓͝͠ṉ̸̞̦͑̾̋̅́͊̕͝k̷̫̬̩̯̲̖̏̿͗̍̇nó̷̘̻ẇ̷̡͚̯̭͎̤̙͚̣̽́̿̑̈́̎͗̈́̍͠ͅn̸̡͚̤̭͚̹͎̮͔̱̣̦̼̉̊͌̐̽͋̒͘͘
​

• A catastrophic event occurs in the campaign world, affecting the player's surroundings.
• The player gains the ability to manipulate natural disasters or harness chaotic energy for 3 days. These abilities have the possibility to backfire (DC 13).
• Player has an encounter with a malevolent entity or ancient curse that bring will bring destruction and chaos.
• The player is tasked with averting an impending catastrophe, becoming a hero or savior in the process.

Image Generation: Stable Diffusion - Prompt: absurdres, best quality, ultra detailed, detailed background,(art nouveau:1.5), (zentangle:1.3),1girl,crimson
Negative prompt: SimpleNegative, (worst quality, low quality:1.4),[:(badhandv4:1.5):0.7] ,(bad-hands-5:1.2)

• Steps: 30
• Sampler: DPM++ SDE Karras
• CFG scale: 9
• Seed: 1341287207
• Size: 768x1024
• Model hash: ec7cbe03c5
• Model: ttkSuperSpirit
• Clip skip: 2
• Version: v1.2.1

The image has the cards set on a standard paper size and should be roughly the size of standard playing cards. Hope this is helpful, happy adventures.

Hi, for the better part of 2 years now l've been taking care of my mental health and taking sertraline. It has worked tremendously well for my overall mental health improvement, I have accomplished so many personal achievements since taking it, anyways i digress. The other day I had an appointment regarding starting up my prescription again due to me running out. Now the clinic that I go to recently got a new doctor, no biggie.
I got checked in like usual and went into a room to meet my dr and go over my current prescription.Now heres the thing I am a fairly large woman, I have always struggled with my weight and have gone through many ED's ones where I've lost 60 pounds in 3 months and ones where I've gained weight equally as rapidly.
From the immediate get-go my dr made it seem like my main and overall reason for the appointment was for my weight and yes I am unhealthy in the weight sense and I have considered talking to my dr about it but that appointment was for my depression/anxiety meds.
I know she is a doctor and wants the best for her patients but it would be one thing if she mentioned it once but she kept going about it from beginning to end. She even asked me about counseling and how if I can't afford that, that church was also a good idea.
She also made some very what I consider "out of pocket comments". In our small talk I mentioned how I am getting my ged and thinking of going to college to be a teacher. As she looked at my weight chart she asked me "now what are we going to do about this weight, because with this weight you are not going to be a teacher.
This is the comment that broke me, after many degrading comments this one hit hard I am a high school dropout and I have struggled with my education immensely and hope to in the future help other struggling young students, It felt like a personal dig at me.
I was already feeling super emotional as I had gone a couple weeks without a refill on my sertraline and I started to cry after that comment. We talked about my weight more and she left the room and when she came back she had brought me a sample bottle of weight loss medication. I did some blood work to check my thyroid and shortly left to pick up my prescriptions.
The doctor was overall profesional and kept a "cordial" tone but I left feeling absolutely terrible about myself.I've struggled with my weight all my life and although I am not happy at all about my current weight, it does not negatively impact my mental health to the extreme that it once did.
I have considered talking to my dr about weight loss medication or just overall health advice but I planned to do that on my own time in it's own appointment that didn't involve my mental health. I have also been thinking of the fact how I went there as my mental health was doing bad, this situation could've easily brought me or any other person in a similar position over the edge.
I'm left feeling conflicted about the overall situation, I understand my doctor was just fulfilling her job and making sure her patients are healthy but after talking to family and friends about the situation they seemed extremely offended and livid for me.
Has anyone ever been in a Similar situation? How would you have felt in my shoes?

I just hope that people see this post, that they might start spreading the news before it’s too late. Something big is coming, something ancient, something older than any of us could have ever imagined. It might be too late. I don’t know what will become of me, of the people I love that I might never see again, by the time you are reading this. But I implore you to listen and take this story seriously, because it could save your life. Or not. I don’t know yet how deep this goes. If it’s true, if what I think is true…God help us. Nothing can save us now.
I’ll start at the beginning, because you need to understand how long this has been happening, and the implications of what is possible now that it’s getting worse. Over winter break, I went to visit my friend from high school, Jackson, in Vermont. He goes to Bennington College, studies Social Sciences with a minor in Linguistics. Smart guy. He used to write my papers for me in English class, and I would pay him back in six packs. That’s always how it was: him, studious and put together, and me itching to get outside. I was constantly on the move, biking through the forests behind my house, trail-running, building a treehouse for my little brothers, you name it. I wanted to get my hands dirty, get into nature. I guess that’s why I opted out of college, and went for camp counselor positions and summer gigs until I secured a conservation job with a park near home. Nature is important to me, and I want to do my part as the generation that has a responsibility to heal the world.
The outside was what called me to Bennington, aside from the fact that I missed my best buddy. I don’t remember when it was first brought to my attention, but I became aware of murmurings of Bennington’s rocky past online about a few months before I was set to visit Jackson. Being an experienced outdoorsman, I wasn’t afraid; on the contrary, I was rather excited to get out there and prove my worth to Jackson and his college buddies, who were far less athletic than I am. Looking back, I’m kicking myself for being so cocky. I can’t believe I ever thought of my best friend in that way.
From what I could see on the internet, Bennington College’s history was a long and often sinister one. There were videos about people vanishing into thin air: a girl wearing a red parka went for a hike alone and was never found, an experienced man leading an outdoor expedition disappeared in the woods, a woman fell into a stream, doubled back to the campsite to change her clothes, but never made it to the site, a man on a bus disappeared from the vehicle at a stop but left all of his luggage, a teenage boy was waiting in his mother’s truck and when she came back, he was mysteriously gone…I wish I could say these stories deterred me from poking my head somewhere where it didn’t belong.
Instead, I only grew more curious. What was going on in this so-called “Bennington Triangle?” I was in a unique position to investigate this phenomenon for myself. Many people hear about strange occurrences and the intrigue piques their interest, but they never have the chance to see it for themselves. But I could. I knew I could hold my own out in the wilderness—it was literally my job! Besides, I was a strong, slightly stubborn young man, built steadily, and I could protect myself well. What could possibly happen to me out in those woods, much less to a group of young college-aged men? The people who went missing most likely made one fatal mistake that cost them their lives, or maybe it was all just a big coincidence. Either way, I was about to find out for myself.
It was halfway through December when I left to meet up with Jackson. I got there on the last day of classes, and Jackson told me he would be busy until later in the day. I assumed he was cramming for a final, and I told him it was no big deal, I would meet up with him and maybe meet some of his buddies later. Besides, I had some plans of my own.
The most famous missing persons case in Bennington went cold, and is still unsolved to this day. The case is a tragic one, and I didn’t want to be insensitive by going around asking for information or throwing around names. Everything I needed, I found online. Paula Welden was the name of the girl in the red parka that went missing. Allegedly, she left campus one day to go on a hike by herself. She left the campus around 3pm and hitchhiked to an entrance to the Long Trail, a trail that runs for almost 300 miles from Massachusetts all the way to the Canadian Border. She wasn’t dressed to be outside for long, but as the story goes, she never made it back from the trail.
There was one sighting of her, however, that particularly interested me. A man reported that he had seen her running around, rather erratically, in the bottom of a gravel pit near the entrance to campus, and I wanted to see if there was anything left of the pit. Because I’m experienced with many different kinds of natural phenomena, I initially wondered if there wasn’t a natural explanation for her distressed behavior. I thought maybe there might be an insect nest or an infestation of small animals at the bottom of the pit that she might have disturbed, so I decided to check it out in my free time.
After the RA checked me in and I tossed my luggage into Jackson’s dorm, I packed a small backpack with essentials: water, sunscreen, energy bars, mini first aid kit, some rope, a utility tool, a flashlight, and a lightweight jacket. Then I headed out towards the pit.
The first thing I noticed was how much smaller the pit seemed. According to the eyewitness description of the incident, Paula was running up and down the side of a deep gravel pit, but what lay in front of me now was something much more shallow. I walked down into the center of what was left of the pit, but I could easily see over the edges. The small, dark fragments of rock crunched and ground together under my hiking boots, and the slowly sinking midday sun bounced off of the remnants of white snow around me. It was an unusually sunny day for winter, and the snow was, curiously, letting up for my visit. But the good luck for me ran out here—there seemed to be nothing to investigate at this location. My hopes of finding any evidence of insect or pest infestation that could have disturbed the girl were dashed, maybe buried several feet underground.
I lingered awhile, kicking at the bits of gravel in the small pit. I watched the small rocks scatter over the rest of the gravel, hitting up against the edge of the pit and rolling back down a few inches. I turned to go, but stopped. Maybe it was a trick of my eye, the sun reflecting harshly off of the snow and glinting in my sunglasses, causing me to not see clearly. I walked to the edge of the pit and kicked some more gravel at the side. The small rocks skipped across the uneven surface of the gravel pile, and scattered up the edge of the pit, farther than gravity should allow them to travel. I kicked more, and it happened again. My heart started beating faster.
I crouched down and picked up a small stone. I rolled it gently across the gravel, softly enough that it started to slow when it reached the incline of the side of the pit. I watched, astounded, as the rock slowly rolled uphill about a foot before coming to a stop. I gave a shout of excitement and jumped to my feet.
As I stood up straight I nearly fell back down. In an instant, my hearing seemed to go and I felt an overwhelming sense of claustrophobia. I spun around, thinking someone must be behind me, messing with me, but the sensation of closeness stayed pressing at my back. I spun around again, searching for an explanation. My head was fuzzy. I heard my footsteps, overwhelmingly loud, and I couldn’t hear anything else, almost as if my range of hearing was limited to my immediate surroundings. Like I was trapped in the pit. As soon as those words flashed through my head, the claustrophobia overwhelmed me, pushing up against the very air around my body. The silence built up inside my ears until all I could hear was my muffled footsteps, my desperate breathing, and the blood rushing faster and faster through my body.
I lunged for the edge, clambering up the side as fast as I could. Instantly upon passing over the edge the sounds of the late afternoon bore down on my ears. I stumbled and covered my ears, the chirping of the birds and rustling leaves almost too loud for me to bear.
It’s not that I was scared. Obviously, I was a little shaken up. As I hastened back towards Jackson’s dorm, I tried to rationalize what had just happened to me. Maybe I hadn’t drank enough water and I simply became dizzy. Maybe it was altitude sickness. Maybe a strange bug had bitten me and I temporarily lost my bearings. Nothing quite made sense. I tried to push it from my mind and focus on having a good first day, because soon I would be meeting Jackson’s college buddies.
When I got back to the dorm, Jackson was waiting for me. Fresh from the shower, his hair was damp and he was putting on a clean t-shirt. Pulling me into a hug, he expressed his excitement over my visit, asked me about my flight, what I thought about the campus—all the preliminary niceties. Internally, I breathed a sigh of relief. Even if he noticed, he didn’t pry and try to ask me about my slightly shaking hands, my pale face, or the vague disconnectedness with which I answered his questions.
That night eased my worries slightly. I ended up meeting Jackson’s group of friends and, together, we ventured into downtown Bennington. We hit a few bars and chilled at some of the many breweries in town. Live music, good company, and many, many beers did wonders on my nerves. By the end of the night, I had completely forgotten all about my encounter in the gravel pit. Jackson’s friends were nice guys, and I was too busy feeling proud about my best friend coming out of his shell in college. When he left, I had my doubts, but it was crystal clear that Jackson was really coming into himself at this school.
The festivities continued for the next few days: the guys were stoked to be done with their final exams and excited to connect with Jackson’s old friend, so we spent our time drinking and hanging out, bumping music and generally having a blast. It was almost enough for me to forget about one of the very reasons I was excited to be in Bennington in the first place.
It’s been a few days since that incident. I had even almost started to feel better about the whole thing. Maybe it was a mistake to poke around in old history, and maybe I should just focus on living my own life and fulfilling my own passions, working to heal nature as best as I can. But now Jackson and his friends want to go on a hike, and I’m starting to feel that same claustrophobia creeping back in. What the hell is out there, and why do I feel like I shouldn’t be messing with it?
Jackson chose the hike, not me. It was like him; he was the researcher, he was the one who looked at details, so he suggested we hike on the Long Trail. It intersected with the Appalachian Trail, and maybe I wasn’t paying attention when Jackson explained this to me, because it didn’t raise any alarms about the missing persons cases. Paula Welden went missing on the Long Trail, sure—but she wasn’t with a group of capable college guys like I was.
We packed some backpacks, crushed a beer or two for celebratory sakes, and set off on the trail. I let myself feel excited as we stomped through the trees, Jackson and his friends decked out in their matching red Bennington shirts from graduation. The hike was long. It was tedious. I don’t know when I first started noticing the weird aspects around us until about an hour in. The others didn’t pay any mind to these things, but I saw them: leaves drifting in the air with no breeze, snowflakes trapped in patches of sunlight, floating but unmoving, and that tree. It was a towering douglas fir, half-dead and reaching for the afternoon sun with bare branches. Each time I looked over my shoulder to check for hikers behind us or glanced ahead to see what awaited us, it was there. At first I assumed my eyes were playing tricks on me. After all, we had been hiking for a few hours.
Only when we stopped for a breather and Jackson pointed at a nearby stream did the weird things become too much for me. We were hiking on an incline, and we were exhausted, but when Jackson knelt beside this stream, it was flowing uphill. By then I was a little panicked. I freaked out, telling them that we needed to head back. Who cares if we hadn’t reached the halfway point yet? Was there even a halfway point? It felt like we had been walking for miles!
One of Jackson’s buddies opened up a map of the trail on his phone, and it was blank. He had service and bars, but the map was just…gone. Shocked with sudden fear, we immediately turned and headed back down the path. The sky darkened within minutes of us retracing our steps. Somehow, night was falling, despite us beginning the hike only a few hours prior. I tried to point it out, pulling Jackson aside when we slowed our pace to pass around a bottle of water. But Jackson was terrified and unfocused, and when I asked him what was wrong, we realized that one member of our five-person group was missing. How had we not noticed?
So, we made a U-turn and headed back up the mountain. Twenty minutes later, we found his torn university shirt. I turned the red fabric over in my hands, panicked and bewildered. When I looked up to scan our surroundings, I saw that same Douglas fir directly to my left. I was shocked, and the rest of the group must have noticed. We looked at each other and saw the panic rising on our faces. What the hell was happening?
I only had one goal at this point: we had to get down the mountain to call for help.
We decided to do our best to follow the trail on the way we came up, but only once daylight broke; it was difficult to make out the trail in the dark cover of the night, so I insisted it would be too dangerous. Someone could fall and get seriously injured, we could all get separated in the dark, or worse. So we did our best to hunker down and build a makeshift shelter to wait out the night, but it wasn’t easy. I can only describe the sounds we heard as otherworldly. Despite the lack of animals in the woods, nature seemed to be alive around us. The clicking of bugs kept me wide awake, but the noises were louder and deeper than I had ever heard. The baying of giant wolves, so close I imagined them coming up directly behind us. The snuffling of something in the underbrush, but from a cavernous creature larger than any moose could ever be.
Where had these animals been in the daytime? Why did it feel like they were surrounding us now?
I don’t know how I ever fell asleep, but when I awoke in the morning, the sun was beating down on us. From the sheen of sweat on my forehead to the dreadful pit in my stomach, I could tell something was horribly wrong.
When I scrambled to my feet and glanced around the area, I realized that only Jackson and I remained at our site. It was us, the clothes on our backs, and the demure amount of leftover supplies in our pockets: keys, gum wrappers, half-eaten power bars, and anything else that was ultimately unhelpful. We had been stranded on the forest floor, us against nature, as if something had swooped in from above and whisked Jackson’s friends under the pitch-black cover of the night.
I frantically took in our surroundings, peering into the bushes and pushing through thorny shrubbery. There were no tracks, no drag marks. Not even broken branches. I told Jackson we had to get out of there, and fast. I knew we needed to find the closest trailhead and book it down the mountain. Jackson ran so fast he nearly chipped a tooth on a steep hill. He was trying to keep up with me since I was faster by a long shot. All that sports stuff in high school paid off in the moment, so I almost felt bad leaving him in the dust. I called back over my shoulder to him every minute or so, making sure he was there.
He stuck with me for the most part. His t-shirt got torn by overhanging branches at one point, leaving a nasty scrape almost as red as the decimated fabric. I found myself struggling to remember if he was wearing that shirt to begin with, back when we started.
Then I decided I was losing it. It was like a fight against nature, Jackson and me against the blaring sun and sloping trail. Eventually, Jackson starts glaring menacingly at the passing scenery, cursing loudly and deliriously at everything surrounding us.
When we stumbled upon a trail marker, we barely had enough energy to celebrate. While we caught our breath, I tried to calm Jackson down. Something told me that cursing out Mother Nature wasn’t the best idea right now. Whatever was sicking the elements on us wouldn’t appreciate the nasty things he was saying about them. But he was terrified, and nothing I said could slap any reason into him. I had to lead us to safety, get us out of here.
Suddenly, I heard a sound in the distance. But unlike everything else we had heard so far, this one was man made. Jackson heard it too, and started yelling about a helicopter. He made a break off to the left, towards the sound, and I bolted after him. Somehow, he burst out into a tiny clearing.
Ripping off his red Bennington shirt, he started calling out and waving it in the air like a rescue flag. He jumped and shouted, but as the helicopter got closer, the unbelievable happened. The clearing started shrinking, tree branches reaching from either side to close the gap and obscure us from the view of the pilot. Jackson screamed in fury, cursing the forest like never before.
Then the chopper must have been lowering down towards the treelike because the wind picked up, blowing in circles around us like the blades were inches from our heads, faster and faster, more violent by the second.
The brush beneath our feet blew up in the air along with the topsoil and dead leaves, obscuring our vision. We could hear each other gasping for breath, trying to keep the debris out of our eyes and coughing. I flung my arms out into the space around me, calling for my best friend and reaching out for his hands. But then I felt something shift. The decaying leaves around me smelled stronger. The wind became more vicious. The earth trembled beneath my feet, and I thought I felt something looming above me, breathing down my neck but also looking straight into my unseeing eyes.
Then it clicked. Jackson's red shirt, the gravel pit, Paula's erratic behavior, the other missing hikers...something was picking these people off, luring them deeper into the woods where they were sure to never be seen again. Did the color red cause whatever it was to literally see red, like a sick, twisted joke? Like a giant bull in front of a matador? What kind of creature could it be? Such a stealthy hunter, a commanding presence that made man tremble at the sensation of its mere aura...I couldn't even think about it without snapping my mind.
Before the flurry of leaves and moist earth settled back onto the ground, I knew Jackson was gone. I knew the chopper hadn’t seen us and that I was on my own now. I tried not to panic as I felt like every hidden eye in the forest was staring me down, sizing me up. I took off blindly, but where to, I didn’t know. After what seemed like hours of desperately sprinting, I saw a pile of rocks in the distance. Shelter, I thought, and decided to rest there for a minute to get my wits back about me.
Then I had an idea. With what little juice I had in my phone and whatever cell service luck would afford me, I knew I had to send out a warning. For some reason, I didn’t think about myself. I didn’t think about dying, disappearing, or whatever had happened to my friends. If the nature around me would be the thing to end my life, so be it. I had decided to dedicate my life to nature long ago: to save it from my fellow man, to preserve its beauty, and to keep it out of the wrong hands, the people that wanted to use its power for evil and to bring about the harm of those around them. I know it sounds ridiculous to be thinking about when my life was at stake, but I knew it was what I needed to do.
From my makeshift hiding spot in the rocks, I began furiously typing my story with what little battery I had left on my phone. When my hands started cramping, I used the voice option. I didn’t care. I just had to get my story out there.
For an hour , I’d been trying to put it all down in words. I couldn't believe my luck, that my battery hadn’t run out yet.
I had almost gone to the end when I felt the same creeping silence begin to close in on me. It was as if the forest was falling silent around me, and that silence was racing in on all sides, but it was different from when I was in the gravel pit. There was more to the sensation this time, not just the sinking, breathless feeling and the loss of hearing.
Somewhere deep within the forest, but at the same time, only miles away, I heard an awful rumbling sound, something I’ve never heard before. Nothing like the helicopter, not even the giant animals I was convinced I had heard in the night. I can't even think of a word to describe it, but it filled me with a frantic kind of dread that I’ve never felt before. I feel it in the ground. My entire body wants to run as fast as I can, but it’s like I’m glued to the ground. I taste metal in my mouth like maybe I bit my cheek or the dirt from the wind or I bit on a rock, I spit and I can’t get it out. I’m going to open an app and copy and paste it so people can know while I still can type I’m shaking so hard they have to know.
And the smell I’m smelling it’s like fruit that’s gone ripe, but it keeps getting more ripe, a sickly sweetness that keeps building mixed with the smell of the richest earth imaginable.
This is happening now, I’m smelling this now and It’s it’s like I’m trapped under the shadow of some thing bigger something that’s taking the shadow away from the trees and I can’t see the shadow of the trees anymore and the ground around me is trembling. It’s like I can hear the trees calling out to whatever it is, that’s walking towards me or flying I can’t tell, everything is stretching and growing out towards me. No behind me above me something is coming. I’m I feel better right I feel better than I have in days or however long I’ve been out here I’m not thirsty anymore. I’m not hungry anymore. I feel fuller stronger smarter. My mind is overloading. I’m thinking of 1 million things like I don’t know if I can speak anymore it’s like, it’s like I’m fruit like I’m a ripening on the vine and this giant wings beating above me and the smell is too much I

I'm sober from drugs and alcohol for more than seven years. My whole life has changed. I am also someone who is neurodiverse and I require a number of medications for my stability due to an early childhood TBI.
One of the issues I face is executive dysfunction, treated as ADHD. Stimulant meds.
The meds work wonders for me. But my relationship to them has always been unhealthy. I previously abused Vyvanse and Adderall some years back. I stopped all meds. Two years ago I was prescribed Ritalin. Again, it worked wonders and it was exactly the kind of medicine I needed.
And I wish it could be as simple as that. But it's not simple. I benefit from the med, but I know that my relationship to it is unhealthy. All I have done is obsess over how well it is working / when it is slowing / when is it time for my next dose.
Enough is never enough.
I've started back to my old behavior recently, something that makes me shudder. I'll take just one more. And even though I'm focused and productive, I am at the same time cut off and withdrawn from my loved ones, struggling not to ignore them because I want to go off and pursue creative work. I do not feel like I am in the right place with myself.
I am always full of these frantic thoughts of, "You can't do anything without these meds!" And there's this desperate part of me that's always wanting more and more.
I have an appointment with my psychiatrist next week and I flushed the remainder of my pills because I have managed to build a tolerance and a new type would be required.... a high likelihood of going back on something that was even worse for me.
I am going to ask for a non-stimulant med. I can't live like this. It doesn't matter that it is prescribed...I'm still an addict. And that addictive part of me is activated and comes alive and drives me absolutely obsessively crazy over the meds.
I benefit from stimulant meds as much as the next person with executive dysfunction. But the difference is, most of them could decide to take a weekend off without batting an eye, they aren't obsessed and lost in chasing the next dosage, they aren't trapped by this lie that feels so true that says without meds, you can't handle your own life and you'll never achieve your dreams.
I hate that I am like this. But I am, indeed, like this. So it's time to admit powerlessness and accept what can't be changed and stop trying to do the same thing over expecting different results. I'm either going to stop this now or end up going back down the rabbit hole of legit relapse and possibly lose my sobriety and life again.

Granted this person is a friend I’ve cared about for many years, I’m just at the point where I don’t know what to do anymore. He has alcohol abuse issues and has recently said some horrendous things to me. About every 2 months I get the whole “what do I have to do to make you never speak to me again” and I keep telling him “just tell me and I won’t message you” so then I’ll go a week to a month without speaking like he asked. Then he reaches back out to me asking how I am. We’re fine for a few days, then I turn into his verbal punching bag again.
I HATE that he’s like this to me because when he’s being nice we’re the best of friends. I know he has other issues that he is not medicating for at the moment and I just don’t know how to respond to him anymore.
Tonight I asked him straight up if he’d like to continue to be friends or not and if not, I will respect it. He tells me he does not want to be friends because I “want too much from him”. I replied telling him the only thing I ask of him is to be nice to me and not take out his frustrations and anger about other things at me. He never replied.
He will message me again in either a day, a week or a month. Guaranteed. 100%. It has been this way for a very long time.
What can I say that won’t come off as being a bitch? I’m just tired of the back and forth, the “I hate you” then the “hey how are you” as if nothing has happened, the way I am somehow constantly made the bad guy when it comes to any issue even though I never treat him the way he treats me, etc. We are both in our 30’s and I can’t keep these stupid high school games going. Either be my friend and be civil, or don’t. I would LIKE to remain friends since we go back 18 years but with the way things are right now? I just can’t keep up.

I find it super dysphoric going out in boymode, but as a girl only 2 months on E I have no idea how to dress myself.
I'm overweight, and even though I'm trying to lose weight, its definitely a huge struggle to find clothes tha express how I feel; all the plus size clothes at places like Big W look like grandmothers clothes, and even the largest sizes ive ordered from Shien are too small for me.
I know fashion is a personal thing, but I just want to feel pretty.
Anyway, tl:dr, are there any larger transladies who can give me some tips on where to buy nice clothes? Preferably on the budget friendly side :3

Hey y’all! I’m 3 months in and 45 pounds down! I’m so proud of myself, no cheat days or accidents.
So I’ve been pretty much avoiding any kind of fast food because I’ve learned that carbs are hidden in things you’d never think they would be. I’m still mad about hotdogs and frozen meatballs.
Anyway, I’m going on a three day trip soon and my hotel will not have any kind of cooking available, not even a microwave. just a mini fridge. I planned on packing some hams and cheese to snack on that I can keep in the mini fridge. But I’m afraid I’m going to have to rely on fast food for those days.
The specific places around my hotel are chipotle, Wendy’s, McDonald’s, subway. So your basics. What if any can you order from these places that’s keto safe.
I try to keep it less than 10 carbs per meal. Thanks!

I listened to all the audiobooks last year. This was only my second time to the tower and it was a great experience. One thing felt very disjointed though and it was the change of audiobook narrators from book 4 to 5. I was saddened to hear that Frank Muller had gone to the clearing at the end of the path. My question is... Do you think it could be sanctioned to have an AI trained with Muller's voice to read books 5-8 (and 1)? I wonder if his family and King would ever approve such a thing. I just really loved his Roland and Eddie voices especially! It feels weird... But with the rise of AI, I feel like asking/discussing these questions is important.

I wanted to play sport so last year I picked up basketball. I joined a class. i was 14.I became OBSESSED. In just the few months I was there I was one of the fastest progressing players there. I was being put in matches above my age group. I would wake up at 4 to either run a 10k or to practice my handles. I lost a ton of fat and was getting stronger. The official competition is once a year in September. I played so much I got sick multiple times. In one weekend I ran 50k. At the academy I had a rep to be the “quiet one” . I had no interest in making freinds and would try to have the least social interaction as possible. Many people tried to befriend me but I alienated myself. I would come early to class and work on harder and harder drills. Once I came an hour early in the blistering Sun and worked so hard I passed out. By the time September rolled around I realized somthing very annoying. There were 2 main categories under 14 and under 17. If I could get in under 14 I was the best player. But under 17 had players playing since they were 4. Because of my birthday if I had been born a month later I’d be in under 14. So I didn’t make the team I told myself I’m litterely the youngest in this category and I’d work till next year to be the best.
Things went ok till January One of the seniors talked to the coach and made a Plan that every kid shall be assigned a senior as like a sub coach of sorts. I got the best player. Although it was never clearly stated I got the feeling that I was placed with the most devoted kids. There were 4 of us. The guys whose wing i was under was tall, muscular and i had always looked up to him .Me being garbage, played the worst I have ever as a first impression. He always seemed like a goofy lighthearted person but in training he allowed no mistakes. He yelled at me multiple times. The more I tried not to mess up the worse I played. I did trash in even the easiest drills. When there was a 3 person drill he asked me to sit out and made a kid younger than me do it. I felt like crying. I went home and did cry in the shower for a long time. Then I didn’t go for 4 days because I was scared. When I finally mustered courage he treated my like an outcast. The one thing he hated more than a bad player was one who didn’t take this seriously. I did nothing that whole day, and never went back.
My parents had been trying to convince me not to go in February or March as we had to travel in February and I had exams in March. My grades had be so and so and I was so afraid to go back that I agreed. after exams i was even more afraid to go because i hadnt been for 2 months. my dad pursued me to take up tennis becuase it wasnt a team sport and in all my games i had always been in the extras. he also plays tennis so he would have someone to play with .I gave myself a fresh start, and i hated it. tennis just wasnt for me. i was placed with a group of 5 year olds and even though the coaches were very supported i just didnt enjoy it. after going for a month i just said i wont go anymore. my dad and i had a few arguements and there was a kind of silent hostility, becuase i wasnt going. eventually he told me i was just a lazy person who doesnt want to work hard and is using basketball to escape tennis and soon i will quit basketball too. now, this infuriated me beyond words. i had worked to be the opposite of that person. i used to to sneak out at 4 to work hard. i remember once a visiting coaches had announced to my age group that they should be like me (because he had seen me come early, stayed focused the whole time and not spoke to anyone). after a while he was convinced i won and he reluctantly agreed. this whole time i had been fighting to go to basketball, but i couldnt because i would have been gone for about 5 months now.
so for the past month, ive been sitting at home. ive quit running, gotten out of shape. i really have been thinking of going back to the academy, but just to return as the fat slob who quit for 6 months and returned around tournament season. it would basically look like i have no dedication to actually play the game consistently but just grab a quick trophy. even if i stay dedicated i wont make the team with just 3 months of practice. so either i quit sports alltogther, I somehow go back to the academy, tell the coach why i left and work up from scratch, or i take up tennis or another sport. all the paths seem terrible and ive come here as a last resort.

Tw:Vent/mentions of suicide
I procrastinated for 6 entire months, and no, it did not went well :). She also mentioned me being functional, but has no idea about the amount of effort I put into being "normal". Like, even tho growing up it wasn't a doubt if I was able to have an independent life or not, she has no idea that I do doubt that I can without becoming severely suicidal. She has no idea that dread being alive because I can't deal with it and became just a shell of myself because I can't fit in.
She can't understand I was "good" socializing as a kid because I unhealthily crave socialization so much that I'm able to put up with everything to get it, as a kid I thought that being alive meant being uncomfortable all the time and I just dealt bad with it. The thing is that I'm bad at it now, very very bad, to the point I'm literally so worried I might not me able to follow up the development of people my age(dating, graduating and finding jobs).
I'm also worried about not being able to take it every single day and she doesn't know about it, she thinks it's a phase that will pass, while I've been constantly worried about meltdowns and being able to stop myself from abusing substances or downing any pills that I can find after them because they are so goddam awful.
I shielded her from it since I was a teen(around the age my brother was diagnosed), sometimes I think I shielded her from my concerns since I was a child, just adjusting so I was a presentable perfectly normal human being. The thing is that I'm not, and it hurts me that she refuses to recognize how much it hurts me.

This probably isn’t the right forum but I couldn’t find another one any more suitable so here goes. I have an outstanding warrant on a very frivolous, explainable issue. I have no prior criminal history. Problem is I am a 100% disabled vet and my mental state is precarious from day to day. It’s stable in a stable environment but I cannot control jail and I am terrified I am going to get in there and have a panic attack like some dramatic karen or something. Intellectually I know things will be ok eventually and that I’m no better than anyone else going through that process, but I can’t always get my mind and body to cooperate in those moments. Are there any mental hacks to getting thru those slow dull uncertain hours before bond so I don’t have a meltdown that is going to make my situation worse? Or actually become suicidal? This is absolutely not serious enough for me to spiral so hard over but the darkness in those moments just isn’t rational