Tipsy bartender

I work at a restaurant as a head bartender and this new waitress started working with us a bit more than a month ago. I know it shouldn’t matter but she is smoking hot and she’s a good girl.
I knew from the start she had a boyfriend for 3 years now and I’m not really one to hookup with coworkers anyway so I never gave her any special attention until this one night where there was a staff party. We ended up talking for like 1-2 hours, don’t remember exactly how long cause we were both pretty tipsy. Nothing happened but there was some flirting involved. I remember saying something flirty at one point and she blushed. She also said she finds me attractive.
Back to work and I’m back to not giving her any special attention but now it feels like she’s seeking my attention. I don’t want to go for her cause she has a boyfriend and I don’t want to feed her attention cause I feel like she might just be using me for validation, plus every time we talk and banter I can’t have strictly platonic thoughts about this girl cause she’s my type and I there is a connection there.
How do you handle this situation? I don’t want to ignore her but I also don’t want to be the guy she uses for attention and validation

I (32F) met a guy (30M) on a dating app over a week ago. We exchanged a couple messages before he asked for my number and I gave it to him the same day we matched. We were texting a little within the next day. Then he asked me when he can take me out on a date. We agreed to meet that night (the day after we matched) for some drinks. He said he was really nervous to meet me, but I tried to make him feel more comfortable.
I drove to his city and we met at one of his favorite bars. He introduced me to his friends/bartenders. I feel like we got along well. We both equally contributed to the conversation and had some good laughs. He kept saying how when football season came back, he’d like to go to the games and invited me. He including me in lots of future plans he had for himself. Then he mentioned the best steak he’s had at a steakhouse nearby and asked if I had been there before. I said no and he asked if I wanted to go there at that moment. I said absolutely because it sounds fun. I offered to pay for my tab at the bar, but he covered it and I thanked him.
He took an Uber to the bar since he lives close by. So he said we can take an Uber to the restaurant or take my car. I said we can take my car. I drove us super close by to the restaurant. We continued the great conversation and he said he’s never brought another woman to this restaurant before. He also told me he had never been on a date with a woman as attractive as me and he complimented me on my looks many times during the date. We also flirted heavily throughout the night and got a little tipsy.
Once we got done at the restaurant, again I offered to pay, and he said no and covered it. I thanked him again. He then asked if I’d like to over to his place and I agreed. We slept together and he asked me to stay the night, so I did. Everything was great. I went home the next morning. He texted me later that day and told me he wanted to cuddle me all day. I told him I could go over and we could cuddle, but he said he had plans with friends that night. I said no worries and told him to have fun. We continued texting for a bit the day after the date and he said he wanted to see me again and I said I’d love that.
Over the next few days, he didn’t really text me. I would reach out to him and he’d either give me a quick call or we’d exchange a couple of messages and that’s it. I can tell he’s not a big texter, which is fine. The one time he did call me, he was in the car with one of his friends. I was on speaker phone and he introduced me to his friend. It was a nice, but short conversation.
I have been waiting for him to ask me out on a second date or ask to see me and hang out again, but he still hasn’t. I’ve hinted to him a couple times that I want to see him again by telling him “I miss you” or “I can’t wait to get all dressed up for you again.” I’ve even straight up asked him one night if he’d like to have dinner and hang out, but he said he had plans with friends that night.
I’m getting the hint that he’s just not interested or he’s dating other people, which is totally fine. I just don’t understand what he wants from me. He won’t text me or call me or ask me for a second date or to hang out, but he’ll comment on every selfie I post on both Instagram and snapchat. Every single one. He tells me I’m beautiful and cute. He says he misses me. He also calls me babe. Just the other night, I posted a selfie before going to the gym on my Instagram story and he replied “my babe.” I’m confused. Is he interested in me? Is he not? If he’s not interested, why is he still flirting with me on social media only and telling me he misses me? If he is interested, why isn’t he texting me here and there or asking me out again? Should I ask him again? I just don’t want to be too persistent and push him away because I feel like we had a good connection. Should I just leave it alone and let him make a move if he’s even still interested?
TL;DR: A guy I went on a great date with isn’t texting/calling me or making a move to see me again, but still constantly flirts with me on social media. Why? Advice is appreciated.

Sorry if this is too long and excuse any typos
September of last year I moved in with a guy I met off an app for roommates. We were complete strangers when we met. We're around the same age (32, 33). He's in the military, the Army to be exact.
He's an alcoholic and he's aware of it. It didn't take me long to start seeing red flags.

1. He's not clean. I come home from work (mind you I work two jobs) and it's empty beer bottles scattered around the house, multiple empty beer boxes in the fridge, takeout food from weeks ago still there. His dirty drawers on the bathroom floor. His room is a complete mess!

He also has a dog that he doesn't clean up after very well. It even got to the point where I was buying the dog food and dog pads and he was still too lazy to even put food in her bowl or put a pad down for her to pee on. I was constantly cleaning up poop and pee because he'd rather be somewhere in the house slumped out tipsy or at a bar. I'm constantly having to clean up the house and after him and his dog. He would basically dump the dog on me and dissapear. Sometimes he wouldn't even come back til the next day and I literally have to text him at 2AM to see if he's okay.

1. He has violent outbursts. About maybe 2 and a half weeks of living together he invites me out to a bar with one of his friends. Everything is fine until we get back to the house. He goes to his room, strips down to his underwear and comes back out and turns into the Hulk. Punching walls, counters, screaming etc. I calm him down and he had a breakdown on the couch so I consoled him for about 15 minutes. He apologized and then I tucked him into bed (literally). The next day he tried to blame me for it? I was confused because I didn't do anything. The outbursts continued. One night we were talking about how we first met and he said he likes to size dudes up and was like (I could probably kill this guy), and then out of nowhere he reaches out and puts his hand around my throat. He didn't squeeze but it caught me off guard and he apologized for being so aggressive. He apologizes but it keeps happening. I told him the next day what had happened and he laughed it off and said it was just a love choke.

He's also very reckless. When we go out he's drinking and driving, speeding like crazy and endangering my life. I tell him to stop and he eventually does but he does the same thing everytime we go out. We're at bars and he's aggressively chasing after every women he sees, drunk out of his mind. He even goes up to girls who are with their boyfriends. After we leave bars he doing more dumb shit like pissing in public and attracting the attention of the police.

1. He involves me in his lies. He's in a relationship but unfaithful. He started bringing his sidechick around which I really didn't mind but he pretty much expected me to lie and cover for him whenever she asked about other women or if he was doing dirt. I was literally hiding his girlfriends belongings and mail in my room before the sidechick came over (the girlfriend lived there right before I moved in). I thought it was odd he expected me to go along with this when we're still strangers getting to know each other. I also thought it was odd how he would barely tell me when she was coming over and then had her staying entire weekends or days at a time, and this continued even after he moved out and the lease was transferred over to me. He asked to move back in and brought the sidechick with him for the whole weekend and didn't say shit. Like huh? He would also want me to hang out with him and her and I was honestly uncomfortable. It's bad enough he's been a terrible roomate, but now I'm forced to go along with your lies and have to constantly look at your sidechick in my apartment that I pay majority of the bills in?

Y'all might think I sound crazy but I let all of this go on for several reasons.
He didn't know me but let me move in no strings attached. Even after I moved in he paid all the bills (I was told to only pay my portion of the rent). He's traumatized from his childhood and experiences in the military. He's very aware that he's an alcoholic and a terrible relationship partner and he knows he's just trying to fill a Void. He has a daughter from a previous marriage that he doesn't take care of. He feels bad about it. I don't have kids but we did alot of trauma bonding so I sympathized with him and I just ignored alot of the red flags.
One morning he texted me around 7AM asking could he come in (this was after he had moved out). Apparently his sidechick dropped him off because he drove his car over to our apartment complex for the weekend and they drove her car back to her place. He comes in and he's in the middle of a panic attack (probably going through withdrawals from trying to stop drinking). I sit with him on the couch all day until it passes and he asks if he could move back in. I was fine with it (not really but I felt bad for the guy)
After he moved in he fell back into the same bad habits and I couldn't take it anymore. We spoke very early one Friday morning because he decided we should start texting each other our plans. He told me he was going to his sidechick's place for the weekend and the place was all mine. He was very specific about what time he'd be gone etc. So I get home around 3pm and he's just stumbling out of his room hungover obviously. Him and the sidechick are still there. At this point I'm annoyed because I made plans and was gonna have company over. I ask him back to back about 3 times what are his plans because he said he'd be gone, and he's like "idk. I think we're gonna go to a bar. Let's go out". In my mind in just like whatever so I decide to go out.
We go out to a bar and go to the balcony. He disappears and leaves me alone with the sidechick (bad idea!). I've already told him to stop doing this because she starts asking me about other women and what he's doing. This time it's really bad though because I was high. I'm already a pretty honest person but I'm guaranteed to tell the truth when I'm under the influence of anything. I didn't really say anything crazy but at some point we end up back inside and he tells me I'm instigating. Then he randomly says they closed his tab and we have to leave. I'm confused and pissed off. So we go back home and I'm trying to talk to him but he's kinda blowing me off. In my mind I'm thinking I did something to possibly get us kicked out because I was high but later that night I drove back to the bar and asked the bartender what happened. He told me my roomate was ordering shots, Jamesons, knocking things over etc and he said he closed his tab because he wasn't gonna serve him anymore alcohol.
At this point I'm pissed off because he had us go back home because they wouldn't serve him anymore alcohol... really???? You had me and your sidechick sitting on the balcony n the freezing cold while you were inside the bar getting drunk... alone?
I sent him a text explaining what I was told by the bartender and he gets combative. He started screaming at me and says I'm gaslighting him and the sidechick. I find this hilarious as I've been helping him lie and cheat on this girl for MONTHS.
At some point we get into a wrestling match and immediately after he says "I'll be gone by the end of the week". He leaves right after with the sidechick and his dog. I immediately start packing all of his shit and put it in the living room. I guess he came back in the morning and saw all his stuff packed so he left and came back with his best friend and the sidechick and they moved his stuff. We didn't speak at all. He blocked me on Instagram and I unfriended him on Tik Tok. It's been 2 months and we haven't spoken.
Should I feel bad?
I'm not sure who actually touched who first but to me it was just another night of having to deal with one of his drunken outbursts and I couldn't take it anymore. I've been so good to this guy, his dog and his sidechick despite him being a shitty roomate and shitty friend to me.
I took care of a violent 32 year old drunk and his dog for months, help him lie and keep secrets from his sidechick, take care of the house, take care him of when he's blackout drunk, cleaning him up when he's throwing up on himself etc etc. I mean it was insane.
And now I'm being treated like I'm the villain.

Sorry if this is too long and excuse any typos
September of last year I moved in with a guy I met off an app for roommates. We were complete strangers when we met. We're around the same age (32, 33). He's in the military, the Army to be exact.
He's an alcoholic and he's aware of it. It didn't take me long to start seeing red flags.

1. He's not clean. I come home from work (mind you I work two jobs) and it's empty beer bottles scattered around the house, multiple empty beer boxes in the fridge, takeout food from weeks ago still there. His dirty drawers on the bathroom floor. His room is a complete mess!

He also has a dog that he doesn't clean up after very well. It even got to the point where I was buying the dog food and dog pads and he was still too lazy to even put food in her bowl or put a pad down for her to pee on. I was constantly cleaning up poop and pee because he'd rather be somewhere in the house slumped out tipsy or at a bar. I'm constantly having to clean up the house and after him and his dog. He would basically dump the dog on me and dissapear. Sometimes he wouldn't even come back til the next day and I literally have to text him at 2AM to see if he's okay.

1. He has violent outbursts. About maybe 2 and a half weeks of living together he invites me out to a bar with one of his friends. Everything is fine until we get back to the house. He goes to his room, strips down to his underwear and comes back out and turns into the Hulk. Punching walls, counters, screaming etc. I calm him down and he had a breakdown on the couch so I consoled him for about 15 minutes. He apologized and then I tucked him into bed (literally). The next day he tried to blame me for it? I was confused because I didn't do anything. The outbursts continued. One night we were talking about how we first met and he said he likes to size dudes up and was like (I could probably kill this guy), and then out of nowhere he reaches out and puts his hand around my throat. He didn't squeeze but it caught me off guard and he apologized for being so aggressive. He apologizes but it keeps happening. I told him the next day what had happened and he laughed it off and said it was just a love choke.

He's also very reckless. When we go out he's drinking and driving, speeding like crazy and endangering my life. I tell him to stop and he eventually does but he does the same thing everytime we go out. We're at bars and he's aggressively chasing after every women he sees, drunk out of his mind. He even goes up to girls who are with their boyfriends. After we leave bars he doing more dumb shit like pissing in public and attracting the attention of the police.

1. He involves me in his lies. He's in a relationship but unfaithful. He started bringing his sidechick around which I really didn't mind but he pretty much expected me to lie and cover for him whenever she asked about other women or if he was doing dirt. I was literally hiding his girlfriends belongings and mail in my room before the sidechick came over (the girlfriend lived there right before I moved in). I thought it was odd he expected me to go along with this when we're still strangers getting to know each other. I also thought it was odd how he would barely tell me when she was coming over and then had her staying entire weekends or days at a time, and this continued even after he moved out and the lease was transferred over to me. He asked to move back in and brought the sidechick with him for the whole weekend and didn't say shit. Like huh? He would also want me to hang out with him and her and I was honestly uncomfortable. It's bad enough he's been a terrible roomate, but now I'm forced to go along with your lies and have to constantly look at your sidechick in my apartment that I pay majority of the bills in?

Y'all might think I sound crazy but I let all of this go on for several reasons.
He didn't know me but let me move in no strings attached. Even after I moved in he paid all the bills (I was told to only pay my portion of the rent). He's traumatized from his childhood and experiences in the military. He's very aware that he's an alcoholic and a terrible relationship partner and he knows he's just trying to fill a Void. He has a daughter from a previous marriage that he doesn't take care of. He feels bad about it. I don't have kids but we did alot of trauma bonding so I sympathized with him and I just ignored alot of the red flags.
One morning he texted me around 7AM asking could he come in (this was after he had moved out). Apparently his sidechick dropped him off because he drove his car over to our apartment complex for the weekend and they drove her car back to her place. He comes in and he's in the middle of a panic attack (probably going through withdrawals from trying to stop drinking). I sit with him on the couch all day until it passes and he asks if he could move back in. I was fine with it (not really but I felt bad for the guy)
After he moved in he fell back into the same bad habits and I couldn't take it anymore. We spoke very early one Friday morning because he decided we should start texting each other our plans. He told me he was going to his sidechick's place for the weekend and the place was all mine. He was very specific about what time he'd be gone etc. So I get home around 3pm and he's just stumbling out of his room hungover obviously. Him and the sidechick are still there. At this point I'm annoyed because I made plans and was gonna have company over. I ask him back to back about 3 times what are his plans because he said he'd be gone, and he's like "idk. I think we're gonna go to a bar. Let's go out". In my mind in just like whatever so I decide to go out.
We go out to a bar and go to the balcony. He disappears and leaves me alone with the sidechick (bad idea!). I've already told him to stop doing this because she starts asking me about other women and what he's doing. This time it's really bad though because I was high. I'm already a pretty honest person but I'm guaranteed to tell the truth when I'm under the influence of anything. I didn't really say anything crazy but at some point we end up back inside and he tells me I'm instigating. Then he randomly says they closed his tab and we have to leave. I'm confused and pissed off. So we go back home and I'm trying to talk to him but he's kinda blowing me off. In my mind I'm thinking I did something to possibly get us kicked out because I was high but later that night I drove back to the bar and asked the bartender what happened. He told me my roomate was ordering shots, Jamesons, knocking things over etc and he said he closed his tab because he wasn't gonna serve him anymore alcohol.
At this point I'm pissed off because he had us go back home because they wouldn't serve him anymore alcohol... really???? You had me and your sidechick sitting on the balcony n the freezing cold while you were inside the bar getting drunk... alone?
I sent him a text explaining what I was told by the bartender and he gets combative. He started screaming at me and says I'm gaslighting him and the sidechick. I find this hilarious as I've been helping him lie and cheat on this girl for MONTHS.
At some point we get into a wrestling match and immediately after he says "I'll be gone by the end of the week". He leaves right after with the sidechick and his dog. I immediately start packing all of his shit and put it in the living room. I guess he came back in the morning and saw all his stuff packed so he left and came back with his best friend and the sidechick and they moved his stuff. We didn't speak at all. He blocked me on Instagram and I unfriended him on Tik Tok. It's been 2 months and we haven't spoken.
Should I feel bad?
I'm not sure who actually touched who first but to me it was just another night of having to deal with one of his drunken outbursts and I couldn't take it anymore. I've been so good to this guy, his dog and his sidechick despite him being a shitty roomate and shitty friend to me.
I took care of a violent 32 year old drunk and his dog for months, help him lie and keep secrets from his sidechick, take care of the house, take care him of when he's blackout drunk, cleaning him up when he's throwing up on himself etc etc. I mean it was insane.
And now I'm being treated like I'm the villain.

Wife (23f) and I (25m) just got back from an all inclusive vacation to celebrate our first anniversary. For the first few days, all of our drinks were poured very lightly and I never even got tipsy. On the third night though, we both ended up getting very drunk at the swim up bar. I guess the bartender that night just had a heavy hand.
While drunk, I remember texting some of my guy friends that I missed them. What I don’t remember is texting my wife “I want to fuck those girls you’re talking to.” She had been talking to a couple of British girls by the pool while I toweled off. We both went to bed drunk after very briefly talking about it. I felt like shit the whole next day, questioning why I would say that and why I remembered everything else except that.
So we talked about it again the following night and she told me she sent it to herself “to test me.” She had been feeling insecure about other women walking around in swimsuits thinking I would compare them to her. Ever since then I’ve been questioning whether she told me the whole truth, or if I really did send it and she just tried to make me feel better. What do you all think? I’m not mad at her either way. She has always struggled with insecurity but it just seems like a very weird thing to do.

It was a normal Tuesday night. After work I walk to our local pub for food and drinks with some work friends. We meet up every Tuesday night and go to the same place. This night was different. It was very cloudy and there was a chance of rain. I live close to work and the pub so I usually walk. After getting to the pub I sat with my friends and since I was last to arrive I had to buy the first round of drinks. We usually don’t take shots since we all still have work the rest of the week. As soon as I take my first sip I notice something out of the ordinary, or rather someone. I notice a beautiful woman sitting at the other end of the bar. Usually we were the only people in the pub drinking, so this was odd. I take a good look at her and I’m instantly smitten. She has the most beautiful strawberry red hair, piercing brown eyes, snow pale skin, and an emerald green floral sundress. My friends started to give me shit for staring and to my surprise, she was staring and smiling back at me. I wouldn't say I’m an ugly man, but I’m also no model. I’m of average height and build. Nothing special. My friends are trying to hype me up to go talk to her. After a couple more drinks of my beer I walk over to her and introduce myself. “Hi, my name is Paul. It's nice to meet you.” “Hello, I’m Caroline. It’s a pleasure to meet you Paul.” Her voice was as sweet as frosting. It was soft and just the right amount of quiet. We get to talking and she convinces me to take shots with her. She orders six shots of Jack Daniel's for the two of us. By the time the bartender was done pouring I noticed my friends were gone. That's okay, we never stay too late anyway. We take the shots and I start to feel tipsy. It’s safe to say, I have no tolerance. We order one more round of shots and I’m done for the night. I’m as drunk as I allow myself to be. We talk for a few more minutes and she invites me to her place. I’m reluctant since I have work in the morning and I’m not one to have one night stands. But man this woman has a way with words. Caroline says she doesn't live far from here. She actually lives in the same apartments as I do. I was surprised since I’ve never seen her before. But at this point I’m too drunk to care. I followed her to her apartment and thankfully it's not raining yet. We stumble inside her apartment and we start making out. We kissed for a good couple minutes and all I could think was, “Man work is gonna suck tomorrow.” She pulls away and says in her sweet voice, "I'm going to make us a couple drinks. You stay here handsome.” I do as she says and I start looking around her apartment when I notice, It’s oddly empty. In the living room there's just the couch I’m sitting on and a very long glass coffee table. It looks like it's not originally meant to be a coffee table but I think nothing of it. She comes back with the drinks and wants to have a chugging contest. This is when I get a sinking feeling in my stomach then I hear a noise. It sounded like a metal pipe hitting the floor. I tried to ask what it was but she put the red solo cup to my lips and I started to drink. Something's not right. The drink tasted bitter and the texture was kind of grainy. I finish the drink and I notice Caroline isn't on the couch anymore. I got up to find her and I overheard her talking to someone in her bedroom. I peek in and there's two very large men dressed like they are about to perform surgery. I look next to them and there's surgical tools on the bed. I try to run but right at that moment I pass out. I wake up freezing cold with the afternoon sun blaring in my face. I feel a sharp pain in my back and my left eye. I try to get up but I’m too weak. I notice I’m in a bathtub full of ice. I say to myself “Fuck, this bitch stole my organs.” When I fully come to I use all my strength to get out of the bathtub and crawl to the front door. I’m screaming in agony and I see a trail of blood following me. I manage to stand up and open the door and yell for help before passing out again. When I wake up I’m in the hospital. I hear machines beeping and people talking around me. I ask what happened. The nurse who was talking with the police says that one of my kidneys was dissected and even my left eye. I start to cry in disbelief. “You're going to have to be on dialysis until you get a donor since your healthy kidney was badly damaged.” The police approach me and I tell them the whole story. They looked shocked then they ran out of the room. The nurse looked at me and was confused. Then the cops come back with someone. “Is this Caroline sir?” one of the cops asked. “Holy shit, yes that is!” I yell as loud as I can in my condition. “How did you find her?” “She works here as a custodian. 'says the nurse. Caroline looks angry and scared. She tries to make a run for it and the cops tackle her. As she's being cuffed she yells in a loud sharp voice “You should have died in that apartment!” After the cops cuff her they take her away. I’m in the hospital for a couple weeks. Thankfully after my family heard about what had happened, they all got tested to see if they were a match for a transplant. I have both kidneys again and I made a full recovery. My work threw a welcome back party for me when I came back. My friends were all very apologetic for leaving me with that psychopath. I have no hard feelings towards them. But the lesson I learned was to never follow a woman home for a one night stand. Stay safe out there.

It was a normal Tuesday night. After work I walk to our local pub for food and drinks with some work friends. We meet up every Tuesday night and go to the same place. This night was different. It was very cloudy and there was a chance of rain. I live close to work and the pub so I usually walk. After getting to the pub I sat with my friends and since I was last to arrive I had to buy the first round of drinks. We usually don’t take shots since we all still have work the rest of the week. As soon as I take my first sip I notice something out of the ordinary, or rather someone. I notice a beautiful woman sitting at the other end of the bar. Usually we were the only people in the pub drinking, so this was odd. I take a good look at her and I’m instantly smitten. She has the most beautiful strawberry red hair, piercing brown eyes, snow pale skin, and an emerald green floral sundress. My friends started to give me shit for staring and to my surprise, she was staring and smiling back at me. I wouldn't say I’m an ugly man, but I’m also no model. I’m of average height and build. Nothing special. My friends are trying to hype me up to go talk to her. After a couple more drinks of my beer I walk over to her and introduce myself. “Hi, my name is Paul. It's nice to meet you.” “Hello, I’m Caroline. It’s a pleasure to meet you Paul.” Her voice was as sweet as frosting. It was soft and just the right amount of quiet. We get to talking and she convinces me to take shots with her. She orders six shots of Jack Daniel's for the two of us. By the time the bartender was done pouring I noticed my friends were gone. That's okay, we never stay too late anyway. We take the shots and I start to feel tipsy. It’s safe to say, I have no tolerance. We order one more round of shots and I’m done for the night. I’m as drunk as I allow myself to be. We talk for a few more minutes and she invites me to her place. I’m reluctant since I have work in the morning and I’m not one to have one night stands. But man this woman has a way with words. Caroline says she doesn't live far from here. She actually lives in the same apartments as I do. I was surprised since I’ve never seen her before. But at this point I’m too drunk to care. I followed her to her apartment and thankfully it's not raining yet. We stumble inside her apartment and we start making out. We kissed for a good couple minutes and all I could think was, “Man work is gonna suck tomorrow.” She pulls away and says in her sweet voice, "I'm going to make us a couple drinks. You stay here handsome.” I do as she says and I start looking around her apartment when I notice, It’s oddly empty. In the living room there's just the couch I’m sitting on and a very long glass coffee table. It looks like it's not originally meant to be a coffee table but I think nothing of it. She comes back with the drinks and wants to have a chugging contest. This is when I get a sinking feeling in my stomach then I hear a noise. It sounded like a metal pipe hitting the floor. I tried to ask what it was but she put the red solo cup to my lips and I started to drink. Something's not right. The drink tasted bitter and the texture was kind of grainy. I finish the drink and I notice Caroline isn't on the couch anymore. I got up to find her and I overheard her talking to someone in her bedroom. I peek in and there's two very large men dressed like they are about to perform surgery. I look next to them and there's surgical tools on the bed. I try to run but right at that moment I pass out. I wake up freezing cold with the afternoon sun blaring in my face. I feel a sharp pain in my back and my left eye. I try to get up but I’m too weak. I notice I’m in a bathtub full of ice. I say to myself “Fuck, this bitch stole my organs.” When I fully come to I use all my strength to get out of the bathtub and crawl to the front door. I’m screaming in agony and I see a trail of blood following me. I manage to stand up and open the door and yell for help before passing out again. When I wake up I’m in the hospital. I hear machines beeping and people talking around me. I ask what happened. The nurse who was talking with the police says that one of my kidneys was dissected and even my left eye. I start to cry in disbelief. “You're going to have to be on dialysis until you get a donor since your healthy kidney was badly damaged.” The police approach me and I tell them the whole story. They looked shocked then they ran out of the room. The nurse looked at me and was confused. Then the cops come back with someone. “Is this Caroline sir?” one of the cops asked. “Holy shit, yes that is!” I yell as loud as I can in my condition. “How did you find her?” “She works here as a custodian. 'says the nurse. Caroline looks angry and scared. She tries to make a run for it and the cops tackle her. As she's being cuffed she yells in a loud sharp voice “You should have died in that apartment!” After the cops cuff her they take her away. I’m in the hospital for a couple weeks. Thankfully after my family heard about what had happened, they all got tested to see if they were a match for a transplant. I have both kidneys again and I made a full recovery. My work threw a welcome back party for me when I came back. My friends were all very apologetic for leaving me with that psychopath. I have no hard feelings towards them. But the lesson I learned was to never follow a woman home for a one night stand. Stay safe out there.

Would you all want a ban on content from Salt Bae, Bayashi, Tipsy Bartender, etc? Because I sure do.
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Events are listed by the day. Events that happen every week appear first, one time stuff after that. If you have anything you’d like people to know about, comment here or message me and I’ll add it in. If you’d like further info about any of the events, look it up! I usually don’t have any extra to add.
Large Scale, Ongoing, and Multi-Day Events

• The 71st annual Florida Folk Festival at Stephen Foster Folk Culture Center State Park in White Springs. The festival is a three-day celebration of the music, dance, stories, crafts and food that make Florida unique. From Irish fiddle tunes, contra dancing and root beer floats to the wide varieties of music of immigrants, the state's cultural heritage reflects the lives of generations of Florida families and communities. Throughout the Memorial Day weekend, more than 300 performances will give voice and meaning to Florida's heritage. https://www.floridastateparks.org/parks-and-trails/stephen-foster-folk-culture-center-state-park/florida-folk-festival-schedule-highlights

Local Running, Walking, and Biking Info: https://troubleafoot.blogspot.com/
OutdooFarmer’s Markets:

• Lake Ella Grower's Market: Wednesday, 11am-2pm. You can always find organic vendors, and foragers: The Holistic Cannabis Community, Artzi Farms, Hickory Nut Gifts, and others. Including Pita Queen! Farmer's Market Nutrition Program Coupons gladly accepted!
  
• Frenchtown Market: 524 N MLK Jr Blvd. Saturdays, 10am to 2pm. Come grow community and support your local farmers and makers, while you get your groceries for the week! Don’t forget! We match SNAP/EBT, so you DOUBLE your money to go towards locally grown fresh fruits and vegetables!
  
• Tallahassee Farmers Market: 2904 Kerry Forest Pkwy, Saturdays, 8am to Noon. Come see us at Tallahassee's longest-running farmers market! We are a year-round market, featuring local farms and vendors that provide the best seasonal produce, meats, baked goods, and more. We welcome you and your whole family (leashed pets included) to come out and meet your local farmers! Ample parking is available between our lot and the shopping center lot next door (by Red Elephant). Come early for the best selection.
  
• Tallahassee Downtown Market: Ponce de Leon Park, Saturdays, 10am-2pm. Join us for a stroll in the park among local makers, bakers, artists and farmers as live music is played by local musicians!
  

THURSDAY, 5/25

• Blue Tavern: Happy Hour Pickfoolery. 5pm
  
• The Hub at Feather Oaks: Bingo. 6pm
  
• Dreamland BBQ: Weekly Open Blues Jam. If you'd like to sing, please bring your own mic. 6pm
  
• Blu Halo: Upside Avenue. 6pm
  
• Lake Hall: Thursday Night Paddle Series. Weekly paddles at Lake Hall every Thursday starting at 6PM. The park closes on a sliding scale each night dictated by sun set. The park entrance fee is $6.00 (the ranger station closes at 5:30 and they typically do not charge for entry after this time). While there is no fee for this event ALL paddlers must have filled out the ACKC insurance waiver. Link here: https://form.jotform.com/JLAagency/apalachee-canoe--kayak----club-waiv Welcome to our weekly Thursday night paddling event at Maclay Gardens State Park in Tallahassee, Florida. Our event is designed to be both casual and instructional, offering paddlers of all skill levels the opportunity to improve their kayaking abilities while enjoying the beautiful surroundings. Starting at 6pm and ending at sunset, our weekly paddling event will provide participants with the chance to learn and practice different strokes, capsize recovery, and kayak rolling techniques. Sometimes there will be knowledgeable instructors on hand to provide guidance and instruction helping you to develop your skills and build your confidence on the water. Whether you are a beginner looking to learn the basics of paddling or an experienced paddler looking to improve your technique, our event is perfect for you. We welcome all skill levels and provide a supportive and encouraging environment to help you achieve your goals. Join us each Thursday evening at Maclay Gardens State Park and experience the thrill of kayaking while learning new skills and making new friends. Don't miss out on this fantastic opportunity to improve your paddling abilities and explore the beauty of Tallahassee's natural surroundings. 6pm
  
• The Great Games Library: Solforge Fusion Sealed-Deck Tournament. Anyone interested in SolForge: Fusion, please come out! Thursday nights at 6:00pm to 9:00pm ish will be dedicated to SolForge Fusion gameplay and weekly tournaments. If you play or have played MTG but would like to spend less, this is a great alternative CCG with inexpensive entry and minimal purchases to enjoy playing competitively. In-store and online tournaments may be played with the same decks purchased at any store. SolForge was created by the same designer for MTG, Netrunner, and Key Forge, Richard Garfield, and the designer for Ascension, Justine Gary. 6pm/$35 Entry Fee for 4 Sealed Half-decks, Special Art Playmat Prize for 1st Place
  
• Oyster City Brewing Co: Open Mic Night! Join us on Thursdays from 6:30-9:30 PM for Open Mic Night hosted by the incredible Mike Ingram of The Brown Goose! 🎙️ 🎶 This is your chance to show off your skills! Whether you're a musician, poet, comedian, or have a hidden talent, we can't wait to see what you bring to the stage. 6:30pm
  
• World of Beer: Trivia Night. 7pm
  
• Lake Tribe III: Trivia. 7pm
  
• Smitty's Taphouse: Trivia Lab Thursdays. Teams of 6 or fewer players can compete for $30 / $20 / $10 Prizes + The Golden MacGuffin prize table! New format! Interactive smartphone answering for your comfort and safety! 6 Fun Rounds - 42 Total Questions. 7:30pm
  
• House of Music: Prime Rib Thursday & Karaoke. 7:30pm
  
• Cap City Video Lounge: Squirm: MST3K May the Fourth Double Feature. Join us Thursday as we climb aboard The Satellite of Love along with Joel, Tom Servo and CROOOOW as the Gang riffs bold a brassy to the southern fried revenge of nature horror film, SQUIRM! immediately proceeded by the legendary short A CASE OF SPRING FEVER! 8pm/free but donations encouraged
  
• Fire Bettys: Electronic Thursdays. There will be rotating music genres from local artists! 8pm/free/21+
  
• Poor Pauls: Trivia. 8/21+
  
• 926: Karaoke. 9pm
  
• Fire Bettys: Electronic Show. Join us for Experiment 002 and take a mind-bending trip into the sound of the future! Our electrifying music party will transport you to another dimension with cutting-edge beats and non-stop excitement. 9pm
  
• Bird’s: Karaoke with Nathan. 9pm
  

• My Favorite Books: Zine Workshop with Author JSK. Looking for a fun way to explore your creativity? This zine workshop will inspire you with writing prompts to create a short poem and then teach you how to create your very own zine. Zines are a compact and inexpensive way to share your voice with the world. All you need to bring is a notebook (or computer or Notes app on your phone if that’s your jam), a favorite writing utensil, and a curious heart. We'll provide the other supplies you'll need. If it would be helpful if you let us know that you're coming! 5:30pm
  
• Common Ground Books: Literary Open Mic Night. Join us for our monthly literary open mic night! This is the perfect safe space to share the poetry or fiction you’ve been working on. 6pm
  
• Midtown Reader: Story Slam: Taking Root. Join us Thursday, 5/25 at 7 pm to hear the winners of our Taking Root-themed Story Slam read their works! 7pm
  
• Blue Tavern: Free Jazz Thursday with the Longineu Parsons Trio. 8pm
  
• Fire Bettys: Michal Menert (formerly of Pretty Lights) and Arms and Sleepers. 8pm/18+
  
• The Bark: Queer Ren Faire Dance Party featuring music from Nervis, The Bishop, Box Test, and Old Creepy. 8pm
  

FRIDAY, 5/26

• Lake Tribe: Flannel Friday. Flannel Fridays will be featuring a wide range of fall themed 'Pop-up' activities such as food trucks, live music, campfires, s'mores roasting, new seasonal brews, and more! Come dawn your flannel and cozy up to the simpler things in life. Our beers taste like the outdoors feel, let our tasting room be your Friday cabin retreat. 4pm
  
• Gamescape: MTG Friday Night Magic. FORMAT: Standard Constructed. Swiss rounds as determined by the number of players with a maximum of 5 rounds. 7pm/$5
  
• Hobbit West: Friday Night Dart Tournament. Anyone can Enter! Sign ups at 7:30, Darts fly at 8:00/$10 entry fee
  
• Ouzts Too: Karaoke with DJ Nathan. Best karaoke DJ in town. 8pm
  
• Club Downunder: CDU X Hip Hop Club Presents Freestyle Friday. Show off your freestyle rap or poetry skills at Freestyle Friday! Doors are at 7:30 with the show starting at 8:00 in Club Downunder! Send an email to [email protected] to sign up! 8pm
  
• The Bar at La Casa: Karaoke with DJ FUSION. 9pm
  
• Just One More: Karaoke with DJ Rah. 9pm-11pm/21+
  
• 926: The Hot Friday Night Party and Drag Show. 9pm/$5/18+
  

• Blue Tavern: Everett Young. 5pm
  
• Hurricane: Upside Avenue. 6pm
  
• Fish Camp: Trey Grauer. 6pm
  
• Lake Tribe: One Eyed JAK. 6:30pm
  
• Island Wings: Free Wheelin' Band. 7pm
  
• Oyster City Brewing Co: Suckerdust. 7pm
  
• Blue Tavern: Chris Seepersaud & Sasha Tuck. 7pm
  
• Fire Bettys: Jazz Night featuring Dionysus and Langston Michael & Friends. 8pm
  
• House of Music: Stephen Esteban LIVE 70s 80s 90s. 8pm
  
• Crum Box Gastgarden: CACAH - Comedians Against Cards Against Humanity. In a combination of CAH and comedy, local comedians will be reading, joking about, and scoring each team's card submission, with prizes for 1st, 2nd and 3rd place! This is an absolute blast and you don't want to miss it! 8pm
  
• Blue Tavern: Bubbles Brown. 9pm
  

SATURDAY, 5/27

• Brinkley Glen Park: Invasive Plant Removal. Join Master Gardener Volunteers at this weekly invasive plant removal event. This is a great way to learn to ID our invasive plant species and how to remove them. We recommend wearing long pants and sleeves, closed-toed shoes, gloves, a hat and mosquito spray. Bring gardening tools such as hand clippers, loppers, trowels, etc. if you have them. We are removing coral ardisia bushes and berries, nandina, tung trees, Tradescantia flumenensis, cat's claw vine, winged yam, Japanese climbing fern, skunkvine and more. Directions: The best way to get there is to take Meridian Rd to Waverly Rd, go to the next intersection and turn left onto Abbotsford Way, then turn left at the next road called Woodside Dr. At the stop sign turn left onto Lothian. Lothian ends in a cul-de-sac and there is a sign that says Brinkley Glen Park. 8:30am-11:30am
  
• The Rose Room: The Rose Revue. Performances by your favorite entertainers and special guests! Shows at 8pm, 10pm, & Midnight! A unique cast EACH show! 7pm
  
• Duke’s and Dottie’s: Line Dancing Plus Lessons. 7pm/21+
  
• Bird’s Oyster Shack: Laughterday Night Fever. This week: Five Year Anniversary Laughterday Night Fever! Join us every Saturday at Bird's Aphrodisiac Oyster Shack for a free comedy show! 8:30pm
  
• La Casa Bar: Karaoke With Nathan. 9pm-1am
  

• House of Cars: Florida Super Student Celebration. House of Cars Florida is excited to honor Tallahassee's 2023 Super Students in their completion of a successful year! On Saturday, May 27th from 11 AM to 1 PM, Super Students can redeem a FREE mainline Hot Wheels car and pick a summer reading book to take home. Free books available from author, illustrator, and designer Rebekah Phillips, of Farlee and Friends, as well as other excellent children's books. Runnin' Buzz Bartending will be on-site with delicious kid-friendly mocktails to help kick off the celebration. All students, K-5th grade who have all A's and B's OR can show significant improvement in a class they were struggling in, are eligible to become a House of Cars Super Student! For example, if your student received a grade of C or lower in math (but maintained good grades in other classes during a prior 9-week) and improved their math grade to passing (or excelling!) will be considered. Please Note: All students must be accompanied by a guardian and show proof of report card to be eligible for prizes. Prizes can only be redeemed on Saturday, May 27, 2023 between 11 AM and 1 PM. Quantities are limited, and on a first-come basis. 11am-1pm
  
• Fish Camp: Steven Ritter 1pm - 4pm and Salty's Saltwater Cowboy Band 5pm - 8pm
  
• Cascades: The Hails with Sofia Camille. 7pm
  
• Oyster City Brewing Co: Dominic Milner. 7pm
  
• Square Mug: Geist, Spat, Lasso, Blazar, and Ideation. 7:30pm
  
• The Bark: Mourning Station with Callie Flemming & The Fifth Wave and Speed Runner. 8pm
  
• Lee Hall: Spotlight on Dance - 35th Anniversary. The annual Spotlight on Dance displays Pas De Vie Ballet's stunning diversity and effortless talent. Working with pieces that range from classical staples to contemporary originals, artistic director Natalia Botha and ballet master Charles Hagan have created breath-taking choreography to be performed by their dancers. 8pm
  
• House of Music: NightShift. 8pm/$10
  
• Fire Bettys: Local Forecast. 8pm/21+
  
• 926: Medians, Loyal Customers, Ravenous Tanuki, and Chaos & The Crimson Wing. 8:30pm
  

SUNDAY, 5/28

• Bicycle House: Sunday Ride. Ride at 10:30 AM from Bicycle House. We will ride the Cascades trail to the St Marks trail and down to Wakulla station and return, about 31 miles. Ride speed is 12 to 14 mph, with periodic regroups. Vernon Bailey is the ride leader. Vernon is a new CCC member who’s been biking for 50 years enjoys riding with small groups and weekend touring. 10am
  
• Ology Northside: Ology Jazz Brunch. 11:30am
  
• Gamescape: Pokémon League. Come learn, play, and trade with the Pokémon Trading Card Game and the Pokémon video games! We LOVE seeing new players, so come learn how to play! We play both the Trading Card Game and the Video Game casually and competitively. The store offers lots of different seating arrangements to meet our group's needs, as well as food, drinks, and Pokémon products for purchase. We are also hold regular, officially sanctioned tournaments for Pokémon Trading Card Game and Video Game Competitions! 2-4pm
  
• Lake Tribe: Colby Scheib. 3pm
  
• House of Music: Songwriter Sunday. Songwriters of Tallahassee hosted by Rachel Hillman. Bring your original songs on Sunday - sign up is at 4:30. No Cover Songs please - this is an event celebrating original music. Accompanists and Bands Welcome - you must be able to set up within two minutes, so no crazy pedals or amp shenanigans. No Backing Tracks - Please find someone to play your song with you. 5pm
  
• The Plant: Open Jam. All instruments, all players welcome. 5pm-9pm
  
• House of Music: Perkins Street Pickers. 5pm
  
• Oyster City Brewing: Comedy Night. Come have some laughs with us on Sunday nights! If you are interested in participating in the show, reach out to [email protected] 7:30pm
  
• The Rose Room: Synful Sunday. 8pm
  

• Common Ground Books: May Story Hour. Come join us for our May Story Hour! This is a free family friendly event for all ages. There will be a free craft for kiddos and coffee and conversation for grown-ups. This month’s books: Dragons Love Tacos by Adam Rubin and Weather Together (a Not Quite Narwhal book) by Jessie Sima. 2pm
  
• Fish Camp: Far 2 Fresh. 3pm
  
• Riverside Café (St Marks): Cottonmouth Perry & G.B. Hammond RiverDogs. 4pm
  

**MONDAY, 5/29

• Just One More: Bingo. 5pm-6:30pm
  
• American Legion Hall: Cha Cha - Weekly Lessons. 6:15pm/$5
  
• Hangar 38: Bingo. 6:45pm
  
• Vino Beano: Tipsy Trivia. 7pm
  
• The Rose Room: Karaoke Night. 8pm
  
• Oyster City Brewing: The Bachelor Watch Party! 8pm
  

• Redemptive Love Farm & Rescue: Farm Fun Day. Join us for an OPEN FARM FUN DAY! Enjoy visiting all our farm animals on our 12 acre farm, entering our petting area and swings & play equipment as we open our farm to the public once a month! 9am-4pm/$5
  
• Fish Camp: Memorial Day Jam with Steven Ritter and friends. 2pm
  

TUESDAY, 5/30

• Blue Tavern: Happy Hour with Paddy League. 5pm
  
• World of Beer: Poker Night. 6pm
  
• The Rose Room: Drag Bingo and Open Stage Night ft. Britney T. Foxx! 6pm
  
• Crafty Crab: BOOMIN' Karaoke. 7pm
  
• Ology Midtown: Jazz Jam Sessions. 7pm
  
• Island Wings: Trivia. 7pm
  
• House of Music: Tuesday Trivia & Karaoke. 7pm
  
• Burrito Boarder: Karaoke with DJ Roldus. 8pm
  
• Blue Tavern: Tuesday is Blues Day. Every Tuesday is Blues Day @ the Blue Tavern and Blues Meets Girl is a Tallahassee favorite. This perfect, intimate venue provides just what you need for both a mid-week break and authentic blues music experience. 8pm
  
• 4th Quarter: Professor Jim's Tuesday Night Trivia. Popular for a reason! 8pm
  
• Argonaut Coffee: Trivia Tuesday. 8pm
  
• 926: Tacos and Trivia. 9pm
  
• Fire Betty’s: Comedy Show. 9pm/21+
  

WEDNESDAY, 5/31

• Rose Room: Women's Wednesday. Featuring Our Rose Roulettes and drink specials all night long. A night for all of our female-identifying friends to enjoy a safe space and an awesome happy hour! 5pm-2am
  
• Blue Tavern: The Wednesday Night Lab Session hosted by Jim Crozier. 5pm
  
• Sugar and Spice Tally: Game Night. Join us every Wednesday Night for community game night. Bring your own or use ours! Let me know if you need to reserve space for a large group. Free to attend! 5pm
  
• Tara Angel’s Magic: D&D Experience - Adult (18+) Group. Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition - Candlekeep Mysteries. A one-shot is a D&D event that starts and finishes in the same session, typically lasting 3 - 4 hours. We have pre-generated characters for players to choose from. WHAT TO BRING: Pencils, Dice (can be purchased in store), Mask (encouraged for unvaccinated participants), Enthusiasm! Please sign up in advance to reserve a spot in this campaign. Tickets can be purchased in-store, over the phone, or on the website. For more information, please email [email protected], or call: (850) 878-4555 6pm-9pm
  
• Goodwood: Wonderful Wednesday. 6pm/$5
  
• Level 8 Rooftop Lounge: Trivia. 6pm
  
• The Great Games Library: Open Game Night. 6pm/free
  
• American Legion Hall: Sue Boyd Country Western and More Dance Class. Session 2 - Beginner 6:30 to 7:45 pm What: East Coast Swing and Waltz. Cost: $8.00 per person. Wear comfortable shoes you can turn in. 7:45 to 8:15 - Practice dance with paid admission. 8:15 to 9:30: Intermediate - 2 Step and WCS. $8.00 per person or $13.00 for both classes. Vaccines are required. Face masks are optional. Changing partners is optional. 6:30pm
  
• Perry Lynn’s Smokehouse in Quincy: Wed Night Open Mic w/ Steven Ritter and Friends. 6:30pm
  
• Hangar 38: Trivia. 6:45pm
  
• Oyster City Brewing Tallahassee: Trivia. Teams up to 6 players for three rounds with 10 questions and a tie breaker each round. Winners are by round so don’t worry if you need to come late or can’t stay the whole time! Prizes include a round of beer, a 6 pack and a gift card! 7pm
  
• Proof: Trivia. 7pm
  
• Vino Beano: Wine Bingo. 7pm
  
• Fermentation Lounge: Trivia. 7pm
  
• The Bark: Oceans in the Sky, Dizzy Bats, and Medians. 7pm
  
• House of Music: Open Mic at House of Music. Join us Wednesday nights for open mic in the bar with host Mike Ingram of The Brown Goose. Come early for Happy Hour and dinner! 8pm
  
• Blue Tavern: Warehouse Wednesdays Open Mic Night. The open mic night that has run continuously for almost 20 years, once housed at the Warehouse, lives on at the Blue Tavern. Doc Russell continues as the host with the most. Sign up starts at 8pm/free to attend
  
• Fire Betty’s: Karaoke! 8pm/21+/free
  
• Dukes and Dotties: College Night and Line Dancing Lessons. 8pm
  
• The Bark: Karaoke with DJ Nathan. Best karaoke DJ in town. 9pm
  
• 926: Dragged Out Wednesday. 10pm
  

Does anybody have recommendations for cool bartending/mixology content on socials?
I'm not talking tipsy bartender but just stuff that's actually interesting or useful like cool cocktail ideas, infusing, making syrups, spirits, working flair etc.
For context if it helps I'm a bartender of about 5 years and I'm just really into the alcohol as an art form whether it's wines, spirits, beers etc but my main interest has always been cocktails and after having a conversation with my manager yesterday I'm really interested in learning and trying new, interesting and different things outside the work place too.

I figured that I should finally make a list of all my ASMRScriptHaven scripts to post here. The list will include the title and tags of the the scripts I've posted to date. I tried to add summaries as well, but reddit's character limit is My Mortal Enemy. These will be posted in chronological order and divided by gender tags. Hope you enjoy and find it convenient!
[A4_]

• [A4A] Sweeter than Revenge [Friends With Benefits to Lovers] [Delinquent x Nerd Listener] [Locked in a Room Together] [Confession] [Kissing] [Slightly Spicy but Not Explicit] [Swearing]

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• [A4A] Fond Beyond Furiosity [Enemies to Lovers] [Villain x Anti-Hero Listener] [Slight Tsundere Villain] [Confrontation] [Confession] [Kissing] [Swearing] [Emotional]

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• [A4A] Forest Cryptid Flirts With You From Cabin Window [Forest Cryptid x Listener] [Curious And Flirty Cryptid] [Soft Dom Forest Cryptid] [Nicknames] [Kissing]

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• [A4A] Lovestruck Royal Rambles About Their Beloved Knight [Royal x Knight Listener] [Lovestruck Royal] [Folk Hero/Knight Listener] [Ambiguous Ending] [Possible One-Sided Attraction] [Possible Angst] [A Kiss (Singular)] [Mostly A Monologue]

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• [A4A] Crybaby Roommate Wants Cuddles After Ear Piercings [Roommates to Lovers] [Subby Roommate] [Reverse Comfort] [Crying] [Whimpering] [Cuddling] [Kissing] [Slightly Spicy]

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• [A4A] Yandere Angler Mermaid Wants You For Themselves [Yandere Mermaid x Human Listener] [Angler Fish Mermaid/Merman] [Yandere] [Kissing] [Biting] [Possessive] [Dominant] [Soft Dom Yandere] [(Eventually) Willing Listener] [Spicy] [Nicknames]

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• [A4A] Smart But Oblivious Kuudere Friend Confronts You About Your Crush On Them [Friends to Lovers] [Confession] [Reverse Confession] [Comfort] [L-Bombs] [Kissing] [Slightly Spicy] [Emotionally Oblivious Kuudere] [Cool And Collected to Hot And Bothered] (Still SFW I just Thought That Tag Was Funny)

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• [A4A] Needy Lover Plays With Your Hands And Gets Kisses [Established Relationship] [Needy Lover x Listener] [Domestic Fluff] [L-Bombs] [Playing With Your Hands] [Kissing] [Lots Of Kissing] [Minimal Nicknames] [Some Whining] [Slightly Spicy] [Slightly Sub Narrator]

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• [A4A] Cuddling With Your Lover While They Wear Your Shirt [Established Relationship] [Domestic Fluff] [Cuddles] [Wearing Your Clothes] [Kissing] [Falling Asleep Together] [Nicknames]

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• [A4A] Immortal Warrior Confesses Their Feelings While You Heal Them [Immortal Warrior x Immortal Mage Listener] [Friends to Lovers] [Romantic Tension] [Confession] [Flirting] [Banter] [Kissing] [Fantasy] [L-Bombs] [Emotional] [Falling Asleep Together] [Talks Of Life, Death, And Immortality]

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• [A4A] Jealous Punk Roommate Comes Home From Concert To Confess Their Feelings And Make Out [Roommates to Lovers] [Friends to Lovers] [Punk Roommate x Listener] [Switch Energy?] [Pinning Them Down] [Jealousy] [Emotional] [Argument] [Confession] [L-Bombs] [Kissing] [Making Out] [Slightly Spicy]

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• [A4A] Reminiscing On What We Could Have Been [Hurt/Comfort] [The One That Got Away] [Monologue] [Bittersweet] [Emotional] [Confession] [Unrequited]

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• [A4A] Flirting With A Goth Stranger While They Do Your Lipstick [Flirty Goth x Listener] [Strangers to More] [Strangers to Lovers] [Applying Your Lipstick] [Flirting] [Teasing] [Kissing] [Spicy]

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• [A4A] Flirty Punk Asks For A Chance At Your Heart While You Patch Them Up [Enemies To Lovers] [Flirty Punk x Bartender Listener] [Punk With Big Switch Energy] [Flirting] [Confession] [Does It Count As A Confession If They Don't Hide Their Feelings?] [Kissing] [Slight Miscommunication]

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• [A4A] Sleepy Cuddles And Feeding With Your Vampire Lover [Established Relationship] [Vampire x Human Listener] [Soft Dom Vampire] [Domestic] [Cuddles] [Neck Kissing] [Biting] [Falling Asleep Together] [“Baby”] [Soft/Spicy]

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• [A4A] Best Friend Takes Cuddles With You And Confesses Their Feelings While You're Drunk [Friends to More] [Sober Best Friend x Drunk Listener] [Confession] [Playful Teasing] [Flirting] [Cuddling] [L-Bombs] [Wholesome]

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• [A4A] Submissive Bunny Maid/Butler Sits On Master’s Lap And Gets Affection [Bunny Maid/Butler x Master Listener] [Borderline Confession?] [Kissing/Neck Kissing] [Whimpering] [“Master”] [Begging] [Petting] [Spicy] [Innuendo]

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• [A4A] Drunk Rival Brings You Flowers And Confesses Their Feelings [Friends to Rivals to Lovers] [Flowers (Questionable)] [Drunk Rival] [Kissing] [Emotional] [Superpowers] [Gritty] [Confession] [Swearing] [TW: Tragic Backstory, Past Child Experimentation, Morally Ambiguous Organization]

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• [AA4A] Royal Heir And Their Knight Banter And Flirt About The Blacksmith [2 Speaking Roles] [Royal Heir x Knight x Blacksmith Listener] [Fantasy Setting] [Flirting] [Acquaintances to More(?)] [Implied Future Poly] [Innuendo]

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• [A4A] If I Could Love You [Enemies to Lovers] [Except No Actual ‘to Lovers’] [Just Pining] [Victorian Setting(?)] [Monologue]

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• [A4A] Friends Can Kiss Friends, Right? [Friends to More] [Spicy] [Kissing] [Making Out] [Sitting In Their Lap] [Chaotic (But Lovable) Idiot Vibes] [Realization Of Feelings] [Confession]

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• [A4A] Your Jealous Demon Bound Confesses And Proves Their Love To You [Demon x Sorcerer Listener] [“Master”] [Romantic Demon] [Jealousy] [Bordering On Yandere For A Moment, But Not Quite There] [Confession] [Kissing] [CW: BLOOD, CLAWS]

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• [A4A] Heartbreaker Friend Confesses Their Feelings For You After They Get Back From A Date [Friends to Lovers] [Heartbreaker Friend x Listener] [Jealousy] [Confession] [Kissing] [Cuddles] [Emotional] [Some Reverse Comfort]

​

• [A4A] It Has Always Been Now, It Has Always Been You [Rivals] [Friends to Rivals] [Unrequited Feelings] [Minor Romantic Undertones Until The End] [Confession(To Themself)] [Destined By Fate] [The Final Battle] [Emotional] [Ambiguous Ending With Implied Character Death]

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• [A4A] Drunk Delinquent Is Actually A Sweetheart Who Has A Crush On You [Acquaintances(?) to Lovers(?)] [Childhood Friends to Distant Acquaintances to Lovers] [Drunk Delinquent Narrator x Sober Listener] [Confession] [Cheek Kissing] [Cuddling] [Some Reverse Comfort] [Drunk Babbling]

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• [A4A] Your Tipsy Scriptwriter Friend Rambles About Their Writer's Block [Platonic] [Scriptwriter Friend/Roommate & Listener] [Writer's Block] [Slightly Meta?] [Comedy] [Swearing] [Rambles] [“Roomie”]

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• [A4A] Curious Kuudere Alien Wants To Know How It Feels To Kiss A Human [Strangers to More] [Kuudere Alien x Human Listener] [Kissing] [Slightly Spicy] [Some Innuendos]

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• [A4A] Succubus/Incubus Exchanges Kisses And Bites With Vampire Roommate After Confessing [Roommates to Lovers] [Roommates/Friends-With-(Supernatural)-Benefits to Lovers [Succubus/Incubus Narrator x Vampire Listener] [Pinning To The Bed] [Confession] [Kissing] [Biting/Blood Drinking] [Spicy]

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• [A4A] Romantic Royal Cuddles Their Knight To Sleep [Established Relationship] [Royal Narrator x Knight Listener] [Wholesome] [Cuddling] [L-Bombs] [Comfort] [Reassurance] [Sweet Talk] [Falling Asleep Together]

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• [A4A] Making Out With Your Submissive Friend On A Road Trip [Friends to More] [Submissive Narrator x Dominant Listener] [Spicy] [Road Trip] [Flirting] [Kissing] [Making Out] [Whimpering] [Moaning] [Keeping Quiet Or We’ll Get Caught] [Innuendo]

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• [A4A] Your Ghost Roommate Comforts You After A Bad Day [Platonic] [Ghost Roommate & Human Listener] [Comfort] [Reassurance] [Platonic Cuddling] ["It's Okay To Be Sad"] ["You're Not A Burden"]

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• [A4A] Enemy Ruler Confesses Their Feelings After Being Captured And Forced To Drink Truth Potion [Enemies to Lovers] [Enemy Ruler x TortureAssassin Listener] [Confession] [Jealousy(?)] [Emotional] [Listener And Narrator Have A History] [CW: Forced To Drink A Truth Potion] [No Physical Torture]

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• [A4A] Injured Immortal-Turned-Mortal Talks To Their Mortal Companion About Existence and Mortality [Platonic] [Friendship] [Existentialism] [Immortal-Turned-Mortal Narrator & Mortal Listener] [Fantasy Setting] [Patching Them Up] [Argument] [Reverse Comfort] [CW: Talks Of Death & Mortality]

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• [A4A] Adorkable Roommate Accidentally Confesses Over Voicemail [Roommates to ???] [Friends to ???] [Confession] [Accidental Confession] [Monologue] [Freudian Slips Galore] [Some Self-Doubt Towards The End]

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• [A4A] Your Best Friend Is Cupid, and They Refuse To Set You Up With Anyone [Friends to Lovers] [Cupid Narrator x Human Listener] [Jealousy] [Slightly Possessive?] [Argument] [Confession] [Kissing]

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• [A4A] Cuddling and Kissing Your Werewolf Lover To Sleep [Established Relationship] [Domestic] [Wholesome] [Cuddles] [A Few Kisses] [Silly And Sweet] [L-Bombs]

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• [A4A] Flirty Pirate Invites Their Favorite Tavern Keeper To Join Their Crew [Friends to More] [Pirate Narrator x Tavern Keeper Listener] [Flirting] [Confession] [Of A Sort] [Not Exactly A Love Confession] [But There’s Romantic Tension] [They Have A History] [Emotional?]

​

• [A4A] Shy Harpy Steals Your Wand Then Calls You Cute [Strangers to More] [Harpy Narrator x Witch Listener] [Slightly Bakadere Harpy] [Meet Cute?] [Wholesome] [The Harpy Is A Crow-Like Bird And Loves Shiny Things] [Slight Miscommunication]

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• [A4A] [AA4A] Your Statue Comes To Life And Is In Love With You [Statue Narrator x Artist Listener] [??? to Lovers] [If 'Night At The Museum' And Pygmalion Had A Crossover] [Confession] [Kissing] [2nd Speaking Role At The Beginning] [“Creator”]

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• [A4A] [Part 2] Dancing With An Enemy Ruler At A Masquerade [Enemies to Lovers] [Enemy Ruler x ExecutioneAssassin Listener] [Masquerade Ball] [‘The Lands Beyond’ Universe] [Listener And Narrator Have A History] [Banter] [Emotional] [Disagreement]

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• [A4A] You’re A Grumpy Barista’s Favorite Customer [Friends to Lovers] [Barista Narrator x Customer Listener] [Flirting] [Confession] [Slight Reverse Confession?] [A Single Kiss]

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• [A4A] Grim Reaper Scolds Immortal For Dying… Again [??? to Lovers] [Immortal Narrator x Grim Reaper Listener] [Kinda Dark] [Flirting] [Confession] [Some Argument] [Yandere?] [Emotional] [Kissing] [TW: TALK OF SUICIDE (AN IMMORTAL KILLING THEMSELF & COMING BACK TO LIFE)] [More Tags Inside]

​

• [A4A] Finding A Random Neko Sleeping On Your Couch [Strangers to Lovers] [Neko Narrator] [Meet Cute?] [Some Comfort] [Scritches] [Laying Their Head In Your Lap] [Cuddling] [Flirting] [Kissing] [Slightly Spicy] [Falling Asleep Together] [Possible Sleep Aid Ending]

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• [A4A] Taking A Nap With Your Best Friend After They Get A Concussion [Friends to Possibly More] [Pretty Ambiguous] [Concussed Narrator x Listener] [Reverse Comfort] [Is It A Confession Or Just Friendship? Who’s To Say] [Cuddling] [Falling Asleep Together] [Possible Sleep Aid] [CW: Concussion]

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• [A4A] The Greatest Gifts Come In The Shittiest Packaging [Roommates to Lovers]/[Friends to Lovers] [Confession] [Holiday] [Cookies] [Holiday Movies] [L-Bombs] [Kissing] [Accidentally Falling On Top Of Them] [Cuddling] [Neighbors Arguing In The Background] [Slight Spice At The End]

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• [A4A] Flirty Stranger Steals A New Year's Kiss [Strangers to Lovers] [Formal Setting] [Formal Party] [New Year’s Eve] [Having A Drink Together] [Flirting] [Kissing] [Kissing At Midnight] [A4A] Fiery Mercenary Takes A Contract To Kill You [??? to Lovers] [Enemies to Lovers] [Mercenary Narrator x Weapons Maker Listener] [Complicated History] [Argument] [Confession] [Emotional] [Pinning To A Wall] [Some Comfort] [Kissing] [L-Bombs]

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• [A4A] The World Is Ending And I Want To Sleep Here [Platonic] [Can Be Seen As Romantic] [Mental Health] [Crying] [Comfort] [Reverse Comfort] [Is Existential Comfort A Tag Yet?] [Sleep Aid] [Hugging] [CW: Depression, Talks Of Wanting To Not Exist]

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• [A4A] Kuudere Scientist Rival Decides To Love You [Rivals to Lovers] [Coworkers to Lovers] [Scientist Narrator x Field Agent Listener] [Secret Agency] [Argument] [Confession] [Kissing] [L-Bombs]

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• [A4A] [Part 3] Healing And Fighting With An Injured Enemy Ruler [Enemies to Lovers] [Enemy Ruler x ExecutioneAssassin Listener] [Listener And Narrator Have A History] [Argument] [Emotional] [Falling Asleep Together] [L-Bombs] ['The Lands Beyond' Universe] [CW: BLOOD, INJURY REPAIR]

​

• [A4A] Your Flirty ButleMaid Has More Than One Confession To Make [Friends to Lovers] [Kinda?] [It’s Complicated] [Noble Listener x ButleMaid Narrator] [Plot Twist] [Confession] [By Which I Mean Confessions, Plural] [Flirting] [Kissing] [“Darling"] [Gender Neutral Use Of "Master"]

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• [A4A] Wasting My Time On You [Enemies-With-Benefits to Lovers] [Confession] [Kissing] [Begging] [Kinda Spicy] [Kinda Possessive] [Jealousy] [Argument] [“Babe”] [Mean To Sweet]

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• [A4A] Your Goofy Friend Admits That They've Been Flirting With You [Friends to Lovers] [Confession] [Flirting But Make It Stupid (But In A Cute Way)] [Kissing] [Pinning To The Ground] [Embarrassing Stories] [CW: Brief Mentions of Vomiting]

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• [A4A] I Hate Crying But I Hate It More When People See It [Platonic] [Mental Health] [Reverse Comfort] [Crying] [Swearing] [Vent Script] [Possible Sleep Aid] [CW: Depression]

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• [AA4A] Your Familiars Convince You To Take A Break With Them [Collab Script] [Possibly Platonic, Possibly Romantic] [Mage Listener] [Raven Familiar Narrator] [Wolf Familiar Narrator] [Comfort] [Cuddling] [Headpats] [Fantasy Setting] [Possible Sleep Aid]

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• [A4A] Your Best Friend Has A Strange Question For You [Friends to Lovers] [Teasing And Flirting] [Kissing] [Confession] [Bakery Date]

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• [A4A] Falling Asleep With Your Lover After Moving In [Established Relationship] [Cuddling] [Kissing] [Nicknames] [Being Cute] [General Wholesomeness] [Possible Sleep Aid] [L-Bombs]

​
[M4_]

• [M4A] Drunk Secret Admirer Confesses Over Voicemail For Dare [Secret Admirer x Listener] [Playboy x Listener] [Flirty Playboy Is Shy Around Listener] [Dared To Confess] [Confession] [Swearing]

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• [M4A] Flirty Playboy Admits To Leaving You A Voicemail Confession [Part 2] [Confession] [Playboy x Listener] [Flirty Playboy Gets Shy Around Listener] [Confession] [Kissing] [Falling Asleep Together] [Slightly Spicy?]

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• [M4F] [Can Be Changed to A4A] Himbo Jock Wants To Be Pinned To A Wall And Kissed By Nerdy Girl [Strangers to Lovers] [Jock x Nerdy Listener] [Sweet Himbo Jock] [Subby Jock] [Adorkable] [Pinned To A Wall] [Confession] [Kissing] [Begging] [Slightly Spicy]

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• [M4A] [Can Be Changed to A4A] [Part 1] 7 Minutes In Heaven With A Submissive Himbo [Strangers to Lovers] [Subby Himbo x Listener] [Submissive Himbo Jock] [7 Minutes In Heaven] [Flirting] [Slight Reverse Comfort] [Kissing] [Spicy]

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• [M4A] Submissive Himbo Confesses His Feelings And Begs For Kisses [Subby Himbo x Listener] [Submissive Himbo Jock] [Confession] [Begging] [Kissing] [Whimpering] [Spicy]

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• [M4A] [Can Be Changed To A4A] Punk Gets Jealous And Confesses Feelings At A Party [Enemies to Lovers] [Punk Narrator x Flirty Listener] [Jealousy] [Possessive Punk] [Mean Punk (At First)] [Very Slight Sub Narrator] [Pinning Him To A Wall] [Argument] [Confession] [Kissing]

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• [M4A] Cute Neighbor Gets Stuck In The Rain And Needs To Stay In Your Apartment [Friendly Acquaintances to Lovers] [Confession] [Flirting] [Sharing Clothes] [Kissing]

​
[F4_]

• [F4F] Playful Fairy Flirts With You (But Is Flustered The Whole Time) [Fairy x Nymph Listener] [Strangers To More] [Flowers] [Playful Fairy] [Wholesome] [Kissing] [Meet Cute]

​
Alright, as mentioned in the title of this post I will soon be going on hiatus. You might have already known this since I made this post last night about it. TL;DR: a lot of stuff is going to be happening in the next month that's going to reduce my free time, so I won't be able to post as much, both scripts or comments. Just remember that even when I'm gone, I'm still so proud of you and your work, and I'm so excited to catch up on it as soon as I can!🧡🧡🧡

So I took the night off from my bar to bartend a friend's wedding. The bride requested quite early for me to cut off her grandmother, which the woman was a bit tipsy, but not wedding drunk yet. After dinner the woman comes up to the bar asking for a glass of wine. I told her I couldn't serve her anymore and she proceeded to reach across the bar for the wine bottle. Obviously I stopped her pretty quickly, and when I informed her it was the brides decision she flipped out. This happened right before the bride and grooms's first dance, and lo and behold the woman walks out onto the dance floor and interrupts their dance. Everyone's jaws drop as the bride starts pointing for her to get away. Said woman is now at her table pouting and begging everyone to get her a drink. Craziest thing I've seen at a wedding so far.

He sits for a bit and scrolls on his phone. The bartender asks what he wants and he orders a Bud Light. 3 beers later, he’s feeling tipsy. He, with his remaining logic, gets an Uber ride home and plans to pick up his car tomorrow. His Uber arrived safely at his home, and he sees his wife again after a long day at work for the both of them. He wakes up the next morning, slightly hungover, but is grateful because it is the weekend. By the end of the day, he is feeling much better and attends his son’s baseball game.

This was from a couple years ago, I remembered while going through snap memories.
My friends and I went to a bar to celebrate a birthday, and they had an open mic karaoke there, so immediately my friend let’s call them V started singing Kiss me more. This EM comes up to our group and says that we shouldn’t let our friend sing songs that degrade women like that, especially when there are kids around. We looked around and there weren’t any kids in the bar. So we asked her what she means, she said that she’s pregnant and she doesn’t want her child to have to listen to all that crap music. We were all tipsy at this point and we thought she was joking and started laughing, because a) we were in a smoke friendly bar, b) she didn’t look pregnant. My friend responded by saying she’s not pregnant and she said “I am pregnant, I am 7 weeks pregnant”. We laughed again (we were tipsy 21 yos, we didn’t know better). Obviously, we pissed her off, coz then she went and yelled at the bartender saying we were rude to her and that we should get kicked out. The bartender didn’t even care to stand and listen to her. She then tried yell at the guy controlling the karaoke, but got humiliated and had to leave the bar.

‘Surviving The Win'.
...
Chapter 008.
...
Twas The Night Before Christmas’. Andrew’s Commentary Breakdown:
… “'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse; The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there…”
One Christmas Eve Night (The Night Before Christmas Day), We Find Silence Rests Over A House.
Stockings Within, Are Hung By The Chimney, In Hopes of A Yearly Winter Visitation by Saint Nick.
Saint Nick, is an Extremely Genial, Mythical Figure. As a Benefactor of Families with Children, Some Would Say He is also a Very Positive Role Model, as a Figure Who Leads People To Do Good. He Loves Gifting The Good with Presents.
...
‘Goods and Brimstones’.
Every Year At Christmas, Stockings are Hung, for The Traditional Receiving of Goods. Either that, or Coals.
These implying what kind of Good One has Reaped, in Their Walk.
Either Goods, As Stocked Goods, or Coals, as Brimstones.
“… The children were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads; And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap, Had just settled down for a long winter's nap…”
A Nest is a Bed for Birds, Nestling is had by both Birds and Beds, not to mention, Birds are called Beds in Kriol.
Something Kriol, therefore, may be had in the mention.
Due to the later mentioning of Sugar Plums, “dancing,” one might also be led to think there was some sort of music going on.
…
‘Pflaumes and Zwetschge’.
A Sugar Plum is known as a Zwetschge, in Central Europe, as well as being called a Blue Plum, Damask Plum, and German Prune. It is Mellow, Dulce/Soft, and Sweet, as a Freestone Fruit, and similar to, but different from?
The Clingstone/Round Crisp Plum, which is more commonly known as a Pflaume, and is more common in Northern and Central Germany.
Because a Pflaume is not a Zwetschge, and fewer People know of the Zwetschge or, “Sugar Plum,” it could be said that by Zwetschge being more easily Stone-Freeing, they were more Valued, also due to their being less heard of.
Yet, especially with Zwetschge sounding like the word, “Sweet,” many Children may have heard talk of Plums as Zwetschge or anything other than the more common Pflaume, and Candy Makers would begin to make Round/Oval Sweets/Pieces of Candy, out of boiled sugar, by the same name, all the while, not failing to include Sugared Plums in those very Confections.
…
Considering that the nestling may be relative to Kriol, and in German nesteln, refers to fiddling. The music, if had in by the play of words, for dancing, might be of the Kriol Instrument known as the Appalachian DulcimeFiddle, especially, because of the Zwetschge, being Dulce/Soft.
…
‘Couvre-Chief and Fuddle-Cap’.
Kerchiefs, also known as Couvre-Chiefs, are called, “Fanons,” in the Catholic Church, and are used in their Ceremonies.
…
A Fanon, is sometimes referred to as a Vane, though, which may also be called a Fahne, and relates to the Noticeable Smell of Alcohol in one’s Breath.
The Vane/Vain Label of this particular Fahne, is a Trifling, and is known as a Faddle (i.e. A Waste of Time/Nonsense).
With a Fiddle and Faddle, we are left to a Fuddle.
A Fuddle is a Heavy Intoxication, and also comes with a Label of Fuddle-Cap.
The Cap of?
The Papa.
…
Both the Mamma and Papa having just settled, “Down,” as though a Blanket.
“… When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter. Away to the window I flew like a flash, Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash…”
On the, “Lawn”/”Thin Linen or Cotton,” of the Parents’ Bed, their arose a, “Clatfart”/”Gossip.” A word indicating, one of them by Relative Association.
Springing from that Bed was Papa, to see what the matter was, as his, “Air-Hole,” opened, in a way, that his Eyes/Shutters tore open, and he threw up what he had, “Chased (“Sashay”/”Chassé”).”
“… The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below, When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer…”
The Papa, having thrown up the contents of his stomach, had had some Whiskey to drink before turning in to sleep. This Whiskey, being a type known as, "Appalachian Moonshine."
The Lustre of Noon-Day, implicates no Shadow, therefore, Papa was more than likely relieved of whatever Hangover he might have already had.
The first things he seems to notice is a "Sleigh"/"Slee"/"Bolide." This, also being known as a, "Fireball"/"Meteor Procession."
The Bolide itself, consisted of Eight, "Whiskey Miniatures."
The, "Whiskey Miniatures," being, 'Ree’, or, “Deer.”
“… ‘Ree'. (Now Chiefly Dialectal): “Wild;” “Fierce;” “Outrageous;” Overexcited;” “Frenzied;” “Delirious;” “Crazy.”
(Now Chiefly Dialectal): “Befuddled with Liquor;” Half-Drunk;” Tipsy.”
Synonyms:
(“Frenzied”): “Frantic,” “Frenetic,” “Off The Chain.”
(“Half-Drunk”): “Buzzed,” “Merry,” “Squiffy;”
See Also Thesaurus: “Drunk.”
Noun: (Now Chiefly Dialectal): “A State of Befuddlement;” “Intoxication.”
(Now Chiefly Dialectal): “A State of Great Excitement or Frenzy.”
Verb: “Ree (Third-Person Singular Simple Present, “Rees,” Present Participle, “Reeing,” Simple Past and Past Participle, “Reed”).”
(Intransitive, now Chiefly Dialectal): “To Become Extremely Excited;” “Fly Into A Rage.”
(Transitive, now Chiefly Dialectal): “To Drive Into A State Of Excitement;” “Fire With Enthusiasm.”
(Dutch, Language): (From Middle Dutch, “Ree,” from Old Dutch, “Rēa.”).”
Noun: “Ree,” f or n (Plural, “Reeën,” Diminutive, “Reetje,” n).
The, “Roe,” “Capreolus Capreolus.” Any, “Deer of the Genus Capreolus.”
“… With a little old driver, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick. More rapid than eagles his coursers they came, And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name…”
The, "Driver of a Dray," is a, "Drayman"/"Deliveryman for a Brewery."
The Papa knows his is St. Nick, because his is only rhetorical.
Though, his, "coursers"/"corsers," being those, which, "spice up," "increase," and/or, "worsen," came quite rapidly, and debatable, out of him. This is indicated by the symbol of the Eagle, which is not only Bald, but, "Bold."
Papa Whistles, Shouting and Calling at them.
“… "Now, DASHER! now, DANCER! now, PRANCER and VIXEN! On, COMET! on CUPID! on, DONNER and BLITZEN! To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall! Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"…”
Now (DASHER), Destructive! now (DANCER), Promiscuous! now (PRANCER), Proud, and (VIXEN), Wicked!
On (COMET), Explosive! on (CUPID), Adulterous! on (DONNEDUNDER), Fallen, and (BLITZEN/BLIXEM), Reckless!
To the, “Portico (“Porch”)” & ”Porta (“Gate”),” or, “Póros (“Duct”)”/”Pipe.”
“Now, “Dash,” He Declared. Away All!”
...
“… ‘Dash’. To mix, reduce, or adulterate, by throwing in something of an inferior quality. To dash wine with water…” - ‘Wiktionary’.
“… As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky, So up to the house-top the coursers they flew, With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too…”
As Papa had been left with Dregs in his Glass, he remembers that he had Swirled them Around (as if a Wild Hurricane), and Mounted the Glass in a, “Sky (a Move where one Drinks from a Glass, Without Touching It’s Sides to One’s Lips).”
Thus, The Corsers, as well as Driver, “St. Nick,” and Slee/Bolide Full of “Toys (“Nonsense”),” had Gone, “Up To The House-Top.”
“… And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof The prancing and pawing of each little hoof. As I drew in my hand, and was turning around, Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound…”
In about a moment, Papa, heard on, “The Broodroof (“The Denial Of Right To Fair Employment”).”
“…‘Broodroof’: Denial of making a livelihood (e.g. by unfair competition or forced unemployment)…” - ‘Wiktionary’.
His understanding, now gravitating toward the, “Prancing": "Pride,” and (Polish Language), “Paw”: ”Vomit,” of each little, “Hoof (A Reference To: “Hof”/”Carlsberg Beer”).”
As Papa drew his hand toward the, “Breast”/”Peak,” of the Bedcover in order to Remove It, and Turned Around to Get Off of the Bed, his Determination Strikes him at an Odd.
““Down”/”Forget About,” the, ‘Chimney’ (A Form of Highball Glass)!”
~ St. Nicholas, came with a, “Bombito”/”Buzz (The Drinking of an Entire Bottle)!”
“… He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot, And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot; A bundle of toys he had flung on his back, And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack…”
The Papa, was Dressed all in, “Fur (i.e. “Robbery”/”Robery”),” from, “His Head to His Foot.” This indicates, rather than a, “Robe,” a, “Nightgown,” and more likely, from, “His Chin to His Ankle.”
His Pajamas were all Tarnished with, "Ashes": “Esches”/”Esche”/”Bait (German Language: “Beize”: “Mordant, Corrosive Fluid; Marinade”),” and, "Soot": “Swete”/Sweat.”
Reference is made, to the Mamma and the Papa, being on the Same Bed, Dressed, while the Papa, in Standing Up, looked like a Peddler as he tried to removed the Packed Bedcloth, which was Covered In, “Toys”/”Nonsense.”
“… ‘Bundle’: To Sleep on the Same Bed without Undressing…” - ‘Wiktionary’
“… His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry! His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry! His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow…”
Here, we get an idea of the Papa’s general Appearance.
“… The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth, And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath; He had a broad face and a little round belly, That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly…”
And, here we get an idea of the Papa’s general Impression.
“… He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf, And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself; A wink of his eye and a twist of his head, Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread…”
It is here revealed, that the Past Two Stand-Points, are a Reflection Given on the Papa, by the Mamma, and that she is Watching Him.
The Papa, seems to be Content and Preoccupied enough, to Give her a Wink, Before Turning Away from her.
“… He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk, And laying his finger aside of his nose, And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose…”
Quietly, Papa gets to work filling all, ‘HIS’, Stockings.
This is followed, by his Turning Slightly to The Side, to give himself a, “Finger-Nose-Finger,” Test.
Papa then Nods, and Raises up his Chimney Highball Glass.
...
“… ‘Chimney Highball Glass’.
The so-called Chimney-Style Glass goes by a few different names: the Delmonico, the Collins, and the Highball. Each type of glass has a slightly different shape and capacity, while retaining the same basic Chimney form. The Delmonico is the smallest of the chimney styles, at 5-8 ounces; the Highball rings in at about 8-12 ounces, and the Collins at 12-16 ounces.
Historically, they were each used for a different type of cocktail. You'll still find bartenders who insist on serving a Tom Collins in a Collins Glass but a gin fizz in a Highball…”
...
https://www.seriouseats.com/cocktail-101-glassware-basics-different-types-of- cocktail-glasses
“… He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle, And away they all flew like the down of a thistle. But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, Happy Christmas To All, And To All A Good-Night!...”
As the Papa Sprang into Action, he gave a Whistle to his Stock, which, of course, flies away, like the, “Down of a Thistle.”
(The, “Down,” in this instance, being the, “Plumose,” Part of the Pappus of the Thistle).
“… ‘Cirsium Arvense’ (Canada Thistle). “… Seed or Fruit Type: Achene…” “… Immature Achenes can have Plumose Pappus hairs…”…” https://inspection.canada.ca/plant-health/seeds/seed-testing-and-grading/seeds- identification/cirsium-arvense/eng/1476275716051/1476275716425
...
We hear the Papa wish everyone a, “Happy Christmas”/”Merry Christmas,” as his, "Drayman," drives him yet again, to his, “Fuddle-Cap.”
The Words, “Out of Sight,” indicating in this Particular Instance, “Getting Heavily Intoxicated.”
“… ‘Out Of Sight’. 4. Slang: Heavily Intoxicated…” - https://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/out+of+sight
...
‘This Story, Is About Getting Plum Drunk’.
After finishing his Whiskey, and Retching, the Papa attempts to get somewhat Cleaned Off, and goes back to his Stock of Liquor.
It appears that here, he has been reminded that he has some Slivovitz/Rose-Coloured Rakija (alike Plum Brandy).
The Children, nonetheless, are Sleeping with Visions of Plums in their Heads. Perhaps they had wondered what their Papa had brought in.
...
‘This Story Alludes To’:
Children and Toys, What Is Good Stock, Drivers (of Corse), and What Clergymen Will Do To Take Run-Of-The-Mill Alcoholics, and Turn Them into Positive Role Models.
All This, while Turning The Premise of The Winter Season on it's Head, by Sending Out a Message of Alms-Giving, and at the Same Time, Placating Pagans with Believable Subter- Heritage Stories, in Order to Still Make Room for the Christian, In.
Evelyn brought Andrei along to a Big Event going on at the Church.
Andrei was there, in his new costume as the Easter Bunny, and was prompted to put eggs all around the Cathedral and in the Park.
He had also, just begun with his Volunteering. Seven years without employment, he knew, could never look as good on a resume, as one updated with more recent credentials. It was Hallowe'en.
Do you know what I found out recently? Mrs. Somerset had asked Andrei. Really it's the very thing, which prompted this whole Easter themed Hallowe'en Party, at the Church, by the way.
What's that? Andrei asked her, interested, as she was stirring a big pot of stew. He put it up to guesswork that it was either something to do with the realm of the excellent Church matron Rebecca was, or her cooking.
Well, firstly, you weren't in it for the money. So, we're extremely happy to have you over here Volunteering with us. There was this old scenario, as you might have guessed, she went on to explain. Where rabbits were used in stew.
Oh, so is that what you're cooking Andrei asked, wrinkling his nose in a way that suggested he wasn't very happy with the idea.
No, it isn't, don't worry, said Mrs. Somerset, laughing. But back when people cooked them, they were often prepared in a type of, "Ragout," called, "Civet."
"Civet," said Andrei puzzled. You mean, like the wildcat?
Not like the wildcat, she replied calmly, though the stew has the same name as it. You see, the root word of, "Civet Ragout," is, "Cive," or, "Chive." And in Spanish, "Chives," are called, "Chivar," with the English meaning of, "Egg," as in, "Squeal," "Rat," or, "Tattle." This created a direct correlation from the Bunny at Easter Time, to the Very Popular Egg. Eggs, which are saved at Lent during the time of fasting, and Painted, because it can be hard-boiled, and last without spoiling, to be eaten after.
Cool, said Andrei, I didn't know that.
You see, if a child was good, they might have participated either in the, "Ragout," or getting to, "Rag Out," or, "Dress Up," depending on how sensitive they were to violence.
Those who chose not to hunt, may have opted for playing games, and looking for sweets. Those, however who deserved not the Seasonal Festivities, were reminded to read their Scripture, and this is how the Lutheran Easter Bunny who judges the Good and Bad Children, at Easter or Lent became a figure.
Mrs. Somerset, then said something odd. Those messages you had written at the Christmas Store all that time ago are still very valuable and some of them, are even still in the Church circuit. Take a break, and socialize with some of the others for awhile, won't you? You don't need to wear that Rabbit Costume, right now. Maybe get back into your Church Clothes. We know Hallowe'en is rough out there. I'll save some of this stew especially for you and your mom to take home! She then smiled at him. She really was a wonderful Lady.
...
Andrei sat with a child who had just bit down on a Werther, lost his tooth, and was crying to his mother.
He tried to comfort the child and suddenly remembered something.
Rummaging through his backpack, he found the Section of Spellbound's Book that he had annotated in a Notebook. The Books had been left at The Dizzmith's when Ralph had him over to discuss his Lost Eye.
...
I don't know how you feel about your child losing that tooth over Hallowe'en candy, but it probably could've lasted him longer, Andrei said to the boy's mother.
If he's kept it in good condition, here's something you may want to remember.
Is this the first tooth you've ever lost? He asked. The boy nodded, and the boy's mother was distraught.
Seeing as it's only a baby tooth. You'll probably still want to grow one to replace it, Andrei commented, but first let me tell you a story.
He then proceeded to tell them about the, "Tooth Fairy."
"... The question to ask, when you lose your baby teeth, if you find any money under your pillow, is if it's not your Parents or your Guardians... who could have been the, "Culprit?"
…
"... (Anglo-Norman) "Cul. Prit (a.k.a. "Culpable: Prest," or, "Guilty: Ready (to Prove Our Case)")"..."
The, "Cull": First, regarding the, "Cull"/"Child"... A, "... (Root Word in Old French) "Cuillir (meaning, "Collecting," "Gathering," and/or, "Selecting")"..."
Of, "A Baby Tooth"/"Baby Teeth," More, "Cull," as... "... A Piece Unfit for Inclusion within a Larger Group; an Inferior Specimen..."
Is Taken for the, "Prêt"'. "... (French Word) "Prêt" (English Root Word) "Prest" (meaning, "Loan," "Duty," and/or, "Tax")..."
Of the, "Prèt": "Priest (or, in the case of the, "Tooth Fairy..." "Priestess")," where a, "Tuft of Feathers," at the Top of her Head, if noted, should be taken to represent the, "Vìsok ("High"/"Tall"/"Raised"/"Loft")," "Headdress," or Priestly, "Mitre," of her High OrdeEstate.
Then, a, "... (Romanian) "preț" (Latin Root Word), "Pretium (meaning "... "Worth," "Price," "Value," "Cost," "Pay," "Hire," "Wage," "Reward," Ransom," "Bribe," and/or, "Punishment"...")," May be given, if the Tooth/Teeth prove worthy specimen(s).
The, "Tooth Fairy's," Helpers are Smaller, and are known to use a, "Menotaxis," to get back to their, 'Tooth Palace'.
This is common, in orders of Insects and Birds, and affords them angle of return to their main Hive or, in this case, Nest or Palace.
The Tooth Fairy is a, "Preterite (one who regards/examines the, "Bygone")."
It must be said that, "Incisors," being, "in," as, "Ciso (really what we, 'C'-"Sharp")," if they are ever found out of the mouth, must be, "Prêt," only as, "Dull," or, "Less Sharp," making them, "Cull (as in, "Foolish"/"Gullible")," enough to be then, "Culled"/"Taken."
You see, "Cull," in, "Catalan," is, "Collir," with Root Word in Spanish, being, "Coger," and to, "Cogitate," on something is to think on it or Meditate...
The Tooth Fairy, however, does tend to prize them more if they're kept Sharper and Shinier.
"Most Baby Teeth Lose Their Way, But Brushing Your Teeth, Should Be Done Every Day!"
...

“Boot the screen, boot the app, boot anything but your brain,” the man in the black hat said. “Boot it all and never open your damn eyes.”
He was catching a few side-looks from the young adults a few tables away, but what did he care? He was right. When he was young, to get away from this decrepit world, people had to get drunk. You’d still be down on Earth, but every bad thing would be tuned down to static. Nowadays, people got their attention spans drunk on those little rectangles of light.
"Jesus, this is ridiculous." The man in the black hat despised his waking days just as much as everyone else, but at least he faced them head-on. No amount of "instant communication" or "social interaction" would ever mask the fact that all these features did was substitute one reality for another. Instead of worrying about failing crops or dwindling jobs, worry about the next trend or the next show.
The man in the black hat banged his glass on the table. “Fill it up,” he told the bartender. “Whiskey, on the rocks.”
“Again? God, Hank, what’s up with you today?” the bartender asked.
“With me? What’s up with me? What the hell’s up with them, John?” The man in the black hat turned to look at all the other clients, each with a shiny screen on their noses.
“They’re not bothering anyone, you know?”
“They’re bothering themselves. They’re hopping to their little world of infinite feeds and crap instead of realizing that this—“he gestured around—“is all our goddamn fault. Running from this world won’t make it disappear.”
The bar’s door opened. A man in a white fedora hat strolled in and sat two seats away from the man in the black hat. “Whiskey. Dry.”
“Coming up,” the bartender replied, then turned back to the man in the black hat. “Hank, perhaps you’re just angry at something else.”
“I am!” He took out his phone and brought it down on the table. “This. This is like a little portal. A little lens you can stick up where the sun don’t shine and pretend everything is okay. My daughter acts like this eve-ry-sin-gle-day! That’s not the real world. I just hoped they’d see that.”
The man in the white hat began to chuckle. He seemed to be a little tipsy already even though he had yet to touch his drink.
“Oh?” the man said. “And you, as you put it, see that?”
“What do you mean?” asked the man in the black hat.
“I mean what I said. You say that these people run to another world. Another reality. Then, you must know what this…reality…is.”
“What the hell do you mean, funny man? You trying to be wise with me?”
“Indeed, I am. I’m looking for someone to talk to, and you appear to be talking about a remarkably interesting thing.”
“I’ll leave you two alone,” the bartender said and turned his focus to the other clients.
“You got a kid who’s always glued to a screen too?” Black Hat asked.
“I don’t, but I know a lot about escaping reality. I know a lot about not-real words, as you mentioned.” White Hat took a sip of his whiskey and scowled. “Nothing is ever as good as the original.”
Black Hat stared at the man with a mix of wonder and creepiness. There was something about the man that betrayed hundreds of layers of falsehood. One thing was for certain: he was not from around these parts.
“Where you from, hey?”
White Hat considered the answer for a long time. “The previous cycles. I’m a kind of traveler, you see?”
Black Hat looked at the man’s glass, smelled his breath. For one thing, White Hat was not drunk. On drugs, perchance?
“Look here, fella, you high or something?”
White Hat snorted and shook his head. “For your lowly brain, I might as well be. How many times do you think we’ve had this interaction? I hope one day you’ll break the cycle, but I don’t think that day is exactly fast-approaching. It’s always the same thing. You see the Sands of Time, you skip a cycle, and then you join the Sands.”
“Huh.” Black Hat went from annoyed to worried. “What are you talking about, man? You one of those Buddhists or something?”
White Hat glanced at the rest of the clients, and continued, “You’re right about one thing. These folks are not living in the ‘real’ world. Not because they’re glued to that technological thing, but because reality is hard to define. What you see and feel and live are very ephemeral objects that pass in an instant. Actually, an infinity of echoing instants. What’s your name now?”
“Hank.” This guy had a screw loose, Black Hat decided. He came to the bar to ramble to the barkeep then enjoy a hazy moment of quietude, not deal with crazy men. Yet he shrugged; it could be interesting to let people like this ramble on.
“Okay, Hank. Tell me, what do you see?”
“A glass, bottles, and you.”
“Good. Look outside the window. What do you see?”
“Blue sky, a few clouds, and the parking lot.”
“And in the distance?” White Hat asked slightly impatiently.
Black Hat was losing his interest. “The sun.”
“Let me explain something to you, Hank, before your attention drifts as I’ve seen happen in other bodies. What you see now is the current cycle. When this one ends, and the next one begins, the universe reboots itself, changing just a little variable here and there. There are some changes between cycles. I’m sure there are cycles in which life never evolves, and I was obviously not there to remember those. But reality changes, though there are things that are always the same. I always find you here, in this bar or a world’s equivalent of it, and at first, you’re always reticent. Then, in the next cycle over, you hate the realization, and decide not to see it anymore. So your soul dies with you in Oblivion. Until everything resets in the higher Hourglass—which I can’t even see—and there you are again.
“Whoa, wait a minute, you’ve done this to me before?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“To save them.”
“Who?”
“If I let you go, you’ll kill my family. In this world, it is called drunk driving. In others, you’re just out of your mind, high on some chemical, and end up killing them. I’ve tried everything, and this is the only thing that works. If I make you see the truth, I can save them.”
Black Hat was getting tipsy. He jumped out of his stool and stood two palms away from White Hat. White Hat stared at him impassively, as if a hundred miles were separating Black Hat’s angry fist from his nose.
“I ain’t killing anybody. I’d know it if I was a killer, and I ain’t one.”
“Believe what you will. No one notices because our memories fade in and out with the Sands of Time. Only if you touched the Hourglass would you remember.”
“What damned hourglass?”
“Ah.” White Hat finally manifested some semblance of emotion, smiling. “I thought you’d never ask. Follow me.”
#
If nothing else, Black Hat’s day was turning out much more interesting than he’d thought possible. He found himself rather liking the stranger, this White Hat wonder. He could only imagine the hit to the head White Hat must’ve taken to get like that.
“Ah,” said White Hat. “It’s so beautiful.”
Black Hat merely squinted at the setting sun, so far beyond the parking lot, trailing deep orange as it lay beyond the ridge of the Earth. “Humm, yes. It is. Pretty.” His feet swayed. Okay, it was possible he was a little drunk.
“You’ve got to trust me, okay?”
“I trust you, brother.”
“You being inebriated actually works to my advantage. You can get into the right mindset more easily. That’s all it takes to save them. This is also a curse for me, you know? I’m saving them, but the eternity passes in an instant. It’s the price to pay for knowing they’re alive and well despite your existence.”
“Hey man, I’m sorry for…whatever.”
“I’ve come to like you, you know, Hank? Before I found the Hourglass, in the wretched first cycle where my awareness came to life, I hated you. Actually, I was the one who killed you then. But killing you never brought them back.” White Hat was silent for a moment. “Being a physicist had its uses. I got to find the Sands, understand their meaning. I could kill you now, and they’d survive, but then I wouldn’t get to see you suffer. That’s what I like the most about you, how you despair once you realize what has always gone on.”
“Jesus, man. You need a shrink. There’s a really good one by the bay. But just to be clear, you’re not gonna kill me, right?”
White Hat smiled. “Of course not. Now, listen to me. What do you see on the horizon?”
“Sky. Grass. Mountains. Sunset.”
“Okay. Look at the sky. Look deeply. I’m telling you, there’s something there that you’re not seeing. Do you believe me?”
“Yes.”
“Now what do you see?”
Black Hat focused hard, and goddamn if he wasn’t seeing a shimmer. “The hell?”
“You’re getting it quick! Good! For your information, it’s an Hourglass. The Hourglass. I don’t know who put her there, and I don’t know who set all the other ones, but something built it. Something built all the others, like a Russian doll, time and reality recursing to an infinitively deep well.”
Black Hat staggered back. His heart began to pound, and his head throbbed as if a force was closing down on his brain.
“Breathe,” White Hat said. “What you’re feeling is not fear. Or at least, it’s not only fear. It is unnatural for our species to see the Hourglass, so there are barriers built within us to resist it. You must push through them. You must see the Hourglass.”
Black Hat closed his eyes and his knees buckled. What was happening to him? Was it the whiskey? No, it wasn’t the drink. This guy must’ve mined his drink, put a little white powder to mess with him. “I don’t want to! Get the hell away from me.”
White Hat slapped him hard, so hard he saw stars and a shimmering light around the edges of his vision, shaped like an hourglass. The image was wrong, somehow. Wrong as if he were staring down at an abyss, or a surgeon ripping out a stomach and cutting it, layer by layer.
Reality was coming undone.
“Get away from me!” He was screaming, Black Hat was sure of it. Screaming, heart pounding so hard and hot his ribcage felt like thin ice.
“Look into it!” White Hat laughed. Black Hat felt hands on his face, and then his eyes were forced open.
Something was blocking the sky. A shimmering and impossible light, both blocking the sun and letting it through, like superimposed layers of the universe’s fabric.
Black Hat wasn’t sure of God, wasn’t sure of mathematics, wasn’t sure of anything. His life had been one constant agnostic fight. But he was absolutely certain of one thing: he wasn’t supposed to see that. Whatever it was, it hadn’t been created for the human mind.
The Hourglass.
His struggles ceased, and he took it all in, comprehending absolute beauty was possible and real.
The bottom half of the Hourglass occupied his view, the upper half disappearing somewhere above the skyline. Translucent sand made crimson by the sunset fell from above. The Hourglass was three-quarters full.
He was afraid. So terribly afraid his heart had calmed down whilst his muscles were stuck in place, rigid as stone, acid as a battery.
Yet he was also fascinated. The Hourglass seemed both far away and close enough to touch, its glass somehow made out of the universe; made of the thin membrane known as both space and time. The membrane was crafted to hold the Sands of Time in, but not to keep anything out.
“Who are you?” asked Black Hat.
“I told you. I’m just me. But you? You are a killer in every single reality. You can call me your guardian angel. I hold you from sin, push you over the brink to save others. This is a gift, in a way.”
White Hat was ignoring the Hourglass; all his attention was on Black Hat. White Hat smiled manically. Finally, he gave up his stare and turned to the Hourglass.
White Hat said, “Do you see? It’s almost full. The Sands of Time never stop falling. Once the Hourglass fills, a new reality is clocked in, but first the Sands disappear down a hole at the bottom towards a place where things really end. Never to come up again. Oblivion, I call it. But there’s a way to retain your memories.”
Black Hat was utterly surrendered to White Hat. He didn’t want to die, to go back to his ignorance. He had to know what lay beyond, how far he could go. Giving this up would mean dying, only to be reborn. He wanted to never need to be reborn. “Tell me. Please!”
“Touch the Hourglass. Your memories will remain fixed to this soul. Come on. Do it!”
What would he see, he wondered then. Would he see God at the end of time, or maybe understand all that God ever was?
A reluctant finger rose towards the thin film of condensed spacetime. It made contact.
#
Black Hat suddenly found himself back at the bar. He looked around, searched in the parking lot, but there was no sign of White Hat or the Hourglass.
He sniffed his whiskey, but it smelled normal. He had never been one to hallucinate, especially not this strongly. He really had to stop drinking.
But the memory of that Hourglass was so strong, so vivid. Looking at the horizon, now cast in moonlight, couldn’t he see something? A round shimmer? Couldn’t he hear a faint pelting as the Sands fell?
He went back to the bar, paid, got into his car, and drove away. In an instant, he was home. In an instant, it was morning. In an instant, it was night. In an instant, it was Christmas. In an instant, he was retiring. In an instant, he had a stroke.
In an instant, Black Hat, Hank Goldenfield, died.
#
The then, the now, the when, all brought in into one congruous mass, writhing and pulsing as Hank observed his life draining by and the Sands of Time being carried into the perpetual Oblivion.
#
Black Hat came to suddenly, stumbling, eyes all blurred and confused and strained.
“What the hell,” he tried to say, but all that came out was a rasping siren. Where was his mouth? He began to panic, but felt two heartbeats instead of one. Was this hell?
His eyes managed to clear out, but everything was cryptic. He wasn’t staring in any one direction, but all of them at the same time. Black Hat tried to touch his eyes, but he stumbled once he raised his arms, though it didn’t hurt to fall on the floor. Gravity was so much lower. Where the hell was he?
He focused on what was before him.
He was in hell.
Before him were creatures with three flimsy legs but round and fat bodies, bulbous skulls, and two eyes on each side of the head. The plastic-like skin on the creature’s torso had enormous openings filled with what looked like rotten bones.
One of the creatures stopped, and the bone-filled opening moved, uttering that same rasping sound, as if the bones were striking harmonious notes and grinding at the same time.
“Are you okay?” He could understand the creature.
Then it all came to him. His previous life, his family, his daughter, then dying, that writhing mass, being reborn, his mother, his father, his…third parent, his two romantic partners, his offspring—everything.
Everything he had ever held dear would disappear down the drain with the Sands of Time. No matter where he turned, he could see the shimmering silhouette of the Hourglass, in the close distance, taunting him, warning that he had done this to himself, condemned to always remember those he had lost.
Condemned to always knowing he’d lose everyone again.
It’d be impossible to live like this. To jump from one body to the next in the blink of an eye, to feel the Sands shifting to the only place where things can end.
He was simply overthinking. He could think this through, couldn’t he? But it was hard to take it all in—the strange creatures, the strange color of the sun, the strange smell of the air, the strange way light bent and the strange pockets of stronger gravity.
He couldn’t close his eyes, but he found a rocky outcrop that appeared to be shelter; it was encased in darkness. He went in, began to think. What could he do? What had that man—White Hat— said so long and little ago? That he could skip a cycle. That he—
“I thought I’d find you here.”
Even a reality later, that voice was still familiar.
“How are you, Harkilank?”
That must’ve been his name in this reality. He suddenly found himself fueled with rage—more controlled and rational, but rage nonetheless. Black Hat tried to get up and attack White Hat, but he slipped on those thin, noodle-like legs and slowly floated to the ground.
“Yeah, different bodies take some getting used to.”
“What have you done to me? Everyone—“
“Oh, yes. Everyone. Everyone you*’d kill. You condemned me to this life, just as I condemned you. But you have the mercy of being able to skip a cycle, while I have to live through them all, so that my family can live. Do you understand the weight of your sins? In every reality you’re a killer, a bloody damned murderer, except when I throw you off the rails.*”
“I never asked for this!”
“The Sands of Time don’t care. You’ve touched the Hourglass; you’re doomed to do this.”
The rage was all gone, substituted for a quiet resignation, a flaming sadness and regret. He’d give anything to go back, to be able to know that although his loved ones would one day die, so would he, in perfect acceptance of life and its end.
“Please,” Black Hat said. “Take me out of this misery. There’s got to be a way to put an end to it. Please. Kill me! End me for good. I’m begging you.”
And White Hat smiled. The bone fissure in his side cracked inward, but Black Hat recognized it for a grin. “Of course. I’ve told you this before, just in the last reality, didn’t I? If you sift with the Sands of Time, you are carried to Oblivion.”
“But you said I’d just skip the next cycle, and then I would return! Why! If Oblivion is the only place where things can end, why do I return? Why do you keep going after me!”
White Hat bellowed a laugh that froze the bones of Black Hat’s new body. He grabbed Black Hat with one of its paws and dragged him out of the darkness, into that horrible world.
“How ignorant are you? You think this is the only Hourglass? That one is the one we can see! There exists another Hourglass over this dimension, and another above that one, and another, and all the way up. Each Hourglass has an Oblivion, wiped clean when the dimension above enters the next cycle. A perfect recursion of nothingness.”
“Stop!”
“Don’t. You. See! You’ll be carried to Oblivion now, and I can enjoy a peaceful next reality before you return. And always I have to know that my wife and my son will die, but that if I don’t do anything, they’ll die horribly, crushed by your truck or whatever vehicle you’re in.”
“Stop! Please!”
“You think I don’t want to jump into Oblivion? I can’t. I can’t let them die at your hands in any reality.”
“Just let me go! I’m tired of this. I can’t bear it. Please!” How pathetic he must’ve sounded. But Black Hat was tired, rotten, defeated. He couldn’t bear this. If he could not exist in the next reality, then he’d do whatever he could. If he could afford half of another reality without this…awareness, then he’d embrace the Sands.
“Fine. I’ve seen you suffer enough. Go ahead. Die. End yourself. I’ll see you in two instants anyhow. Before you fall into that nothingness, know that you did this to yourself—and me. I will always hate you. I will always torment you. Know that whatever you do, you can’t reach the higher Hourglass and end it all—I’ve tried. We’re destined for one another.
“The two of us are trapped.”
#
The Hourglass was pristine and clear, looking exactly the same as it had in the previous reality when he had been known as “Hank.”
There was no second thought, no moment of hesitation. White Hat disappeared, and Black Hat touched the Hourglass with his snout. It was cold, but alive and breathing.
He jumped in, traversing the spacetime membrane as if it were a bubble. He was merely giving himself a small mercy—a cycle in which he didn’t exist, a cycle in which he was ignorant of the Hourglass, and the cycle in which he was carried to Oblivion.
The Sands were soft like cotton. Submerged in it, time passed even faster, each breath of his lungs like eons to the universe. Inside it, he didn’t die, but saw everything before the Great Expansion snapped the maximum barrier of entropy and the Hourglass became full.
The bottomless nothing opened up, and the Sands of Time drifted down, carrying him to Oblivion.
And just as he fell, in the imperceptible distance, he saw the shimmering silhouette of the higher Hourglass, so close and yet so far out of his reach.

“Boot the screen, boot the app, boot anything but your brain,” the man in the black hat said. “Boot it all and never open your damn eyes.”
He was catching a few side-looks from the young adults a few tables away, but what did he care? He was right. When he was young, to get away from this decrepit world, people had to get drunk. You’d still be down on Earth, but every bad thing would be tuned down to static. Nowadays, people got their attention spans drunk on those little rectangles of light.
"Jesus, this is ridiculous." The man in the black hat despised his waking days just as much as everyone else, but at least he faced them head-on. No amount of "instant communication" or "social interaction" would ever mask the fact that all these features did was substitute one reality for another. Instead of worrying about failing crops or dwindling jobs, worry about the next trend or the next show.
The man in the black hat banged his glass on the table. “Fill it up,” he told the bartender. “Whiskey, on the rocks.”
“Again? God, Hank, what’s up with you today?” the bartender asked.
“With me? What’s up with me? What the hell’s up with them, John?” The man in the black hat turned to look at all the other clients, each with a shiny screen on their noses.
“They’re not bothering anyone, you know?”
“They’re bothering themselves. They’re hopping to their little world of infinite feeds and crap instead of realizing that this—“he gestured around—“is all our goddamn fault. Running from this world won’t make it disappear.”
The bar’s door opened. A man in a white fedora hat strolled in and sat two seats away from the man in the black hat. “Whiskey. Dry.”
“Coming up,” the bartender replied, then turned back to the man in the black hat. “Hank, perhaps you’re just angry at something else.”
“I am!” He took out his phone and brought it down on the table. “This. This is like a little portal. A little lens you can stick up where the sun don’t shine and pretend everything is okay. My daughter acts like this eve-ry-sin-gle-day! That’s not the real world. I just hoped they’d see that.”
The man in the white hat began to chuckle. He seemed to be a little tipsy already even though he had yet to touch his drink.
“Oh?” the man said. “And you, as you put it, see that?”
“What do you mean?” asked the man in the black hat.
“I mean what I said. You say that these people run to another world. Another reality. Then, you must know what this…reality…is.”
“What the hell do you mean, funny man? You trying to be wise with me?”
“Indeed, I am. I’m looking for someone to talk to, and you appear to be talking about a remarkably interesting thing.”
“I’ll leave you two alone,” the bartender said and turned his focus to the other clients.
“You got a kid who’s always glued to a screen too?” Black Hat asked.
“I don’t, but I know a lot about escaping reality. I know a lot about not-real words, as you mentioned.” White Hat took a sip of his whiskey and scowled. “Nothing is ever as good as the original.”
Black Hat stared at the man with a mix of wonder and creepiness. There was something about the man that betrayed hundreds of layers of falsehood. One thing was for certain: he was not from around these parts.
“Where you from, hey?”
White Hat considered the answer for a long time. “The previous cycles. I’m a kind of traveler, you see?”
Black Hat looked at the man’s glass, smelled his breath. For one thing, White Hat was not drunk. On drugs, perchance?
“Look here, fella, you high or something?”
White Hat snorted and shook his head. “For your lowly brain, I might as well be. How many times do you think we’ve had this interaction? I hope one day you’ll break the cycle, but I don’t think that day is exactly fast-approaching. It’s always the same thing. You see the Sands of Time, you skip a cycle, and then you join the Sands.”
“Huh.” Black Hat went from annoyed to worried. “What are you talking about, man? You one of those Buddhists or something?”
White Hat glanced at the rest of the clients, and continued, “You’re right about one thing. These folks are not living in the ‘real’ world. Not because they’re glued to that technological thing, but because reality is hard to define. What you see and feel and live are very ephemeral objects that pass in an instant. Actually, an infinity of echoing instants. What’s your name now?”
“Hank.” This guy had a screw loose, Black Hat decided. He came to the bar to ramble to the barkeep then enjoy a hazy moment of quietude, not deal with crazy men. Yet he shrugged; it could be interesting to let people like this ramble on.
“Okay, Hank. Tell me, what do you see?”
“A glass, bottles, and you.”
“Good. Look outside the window. What do you see?”
“Blue sky, a few clouds, and the parking lot.”
“And in the distance?” White Hat asked slightly impatiently.
Black Hat was losing his interest. “The sun.”
“Let me explain something to you, Hank, before your attention drifts as I’ve seen happen in other bodies. What you see now is the current cycle. When this one ends, and the next one begins, the universe reboots itself, changing just a little variable here and there. There are some changes between cycles. I’m sure there are cycles in which life never evolves, and I was obviously not there to remember those. But reality changes, though there are things that are always the same. I always find you here, in this bar or a world’s equivalent of it, and at first, you’re always reticent. Then, in the next cycle over, you hate the realization, and decide not to see it anymore. So your soul dies with you in Oblivion. Until everything resets in the higher Hourglass—which I can’t even see—and there you are again.
“Whoa, wait a minute, you’ve done this to me before?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“To save them.”
“Who?”
“If I let you go, you’ll kill my family. In this world, it is called drunk driving. In others, you’re just out of your mind, high on some chemical, and end up killing them. I’ve tried everything, and this is the only thing that works. If I make you see the truth, I can save them.”
Black Hat was getting tipsy. He jumped out of his stool and stood two palms away from White Hat. White Hat stared at him impassively, as if a hundred miles were separating Black Hat’s angry fist from his nose.
“I ain’t killing anybody. I’d know it if I was a killer, and I ain’t one.”
“Believe what you will. No one notices because our memories fade in and out with the Sands of Time. Only if you touched the Hourglass would you remember.”
“What damned hourglass?”
“Ah.” White Hat finally manifested some semblance of emotion, smiling. “I thought you’d never ask. Follow me.”
#
If nothing else, Black Hat’s day was turning out much more interesting than he’d thought possible. He found himself rather liking the stranger, this White Hat wonder. He could only imagine the hit to the head White Hat must’ve taken to get like that.
“Ah,” said White Hat. “It’s so beautiful.”
Black Hat merely squinted at the setting sun, so far beyond the parking lot, trailing deep orange as it lay beyond the ridge of the Earth. “Humm, yes. It is. Pretty.” His feet swayed. Okay, it was possible he was a little drunk.
“You’ve got to trust me, okay?”
“I trust you, brother.”
“You being inebriated actually works to my advantage. You can get into the right mindset more easily. That’s all it takes to save them. This is also a curse for me, you know? I’m saving them, but the eternity passes in an instant. It’s the price to pay for knowing they’re alive and well despite your existence.”
“Hey man, I’m sorry for…whatever.”
“I’ve come to like you, you know, Hank? Before I found the Hourglass, in the wretched first cycle where my awareness came to life, I hated you. Actually, I was the one who killed you then. But killing you never brought them back.” White Hat was silent for a moment. “Being a physicist had its uses. I got to find the Sands, understand their meaning. I could kill you now, and they’d survive, but then I wouldn’t get to see you suffer. That’s what I like the most about you, how you despair once you realize what has always gone on.”
“Jesus, man. You need a shrink. There’s a really good one by the bay. But just to be clear, you’re not gonna kill me, right?”
White Hat smiled. “Of course not. Now, listen to me. What do you see on the horizon?”
“Sky. Grass. Mountains. Sunset.”
“Okay. Look at the sky. Look deeply. I’m telling you, there’s something there that you’re not seeing. Do you believe me?”
“Yes.”
“Now what do you see?”
Black Hat focused hard, and goddamn if he wasn’t seeing a shimmer. “The hell?”
“You’re getting it quick! Good! For your information, it’s an Hourglass. The Hourglass. I don’t know who put her there, and I don’t know who set all the other ones, but something built it. Something built all the others, like a Russian doll, time and reality recursing to an infinitively deep well.”
Black Hat staggered back. His heart began to pound, and his head throbbed as if a force was closing down on his brain.
“Breathe,” White Hat said. “What you’re feeling is not fear. Or at least, it’s not only fear. It is unnatural for our species to see the Hourglass, so there are barriers built within us to resist it. You must push through them. You must see the Hourglass.”
Black Hat closed his eyes and his knees buckled. What was happening to him? Was it the whiskey? No, it wasn’t the drink. This guy must’ve mined his drink, put a little white powder to mess with him. “I don’t want to! Get the hell away from me.”
White Hat slapped him hard, so hard he saw stars and a shimmering light around the edges of his vision, shaped like an hourglass. The image was wrong, somehow. Wrong as if he were staring down at an abyss, or a surgeon ripping out a stomach and cutting it, layer by layer.
Reality was coming undone.
“Get away from me!” He was screaming, Black Hat was sure of it. Screaming, heart pounding so hard and hot his ribcage felt like thin ice.
“Look into it!” White Hat laughed. Black Hat felt hands on his face, and then his eyes were forced open.
Something was blocking the sky. A shimmering and impossible light, both blocking the sun and letting it through, like superimposed layers of the universe’s fabric.
Black Hat wasn’t sure of God, wasn’t sure of mathematics, wasn’t sure of anything. His life had been one constant agnostic fight. But he was absolutely certain of one thing: he wasn’t supposed to see that. Whatever it was, it hadn’t been created for the human mind.
The Hourglass.
His struggles ceased, and he took it all in, comprehending absolute beauty was possible and real.
The bottom half of the Hourglass occupied his view, the upper half disappearing somewhere above the skyline. Translucent sand made crimson by the sunset fell from above. The Hourglass was three-quarters full.
He was afraid. So terribly afraid his heart had calmed down whilst his muscles were stuck in place, rigid as stone, acid as a battery.
Yet he was also fascinated. The Hourglass seemed both far away and close enough to touch, its glass somehow made out of the universe; made of the thin membrane known as both space and time. The membrane was crafted to hold the Sands of Time in, but not to keep anything out.
“Who are you?” asked Black Hat.
“I told you. I’m just me. But you? You are a killer in every single reality. You can call me your guardian angel. I hold you from sin, push you over the brink to save others. This is a gift, in a way.”
White Hat was ignoring the Hourglass; all his attention was on Black Hat. White Hat smiled manically. Finally, he gave up his stare and turned to the Hourglass.
White Hat said, “Do you see? It’s almost full. The Sands of Time never stop falling. Once the Hourglass fills, a new reality is clocked in, but first the Sands disappear down a hole at the bottom towards a place where things really end. Never to come up again. Oblivion, I call it. But there’s a way to retain your memories.”
Black Hat was utterly surrendered to White Hat. He didn’t want to die, to go back to his ignorance. He had to know what lay beyond, how far he could go. Giving this up would mean dying, only to be reborn. He wanted to never need to be reborn. “Tell me. Please!”
“Touch the Hourglass. Your memories will remain fixed to this soul. Come on. Do it!”
What would he see, he wondered then. Would he see God at the end of time, or maybe understand all that God ever was?
A reluctant finger rose towards the thin film of condensed spacetime. It made contact.
#
Black Hat suddenly found himself back at the bar. He looked around, searched in the parking lot, but there was no sign of White Hat or the Hourglass.
He sniffed his whiskey, but it smelled normal. He had never been one to hallucinate, especially not this strongly. He really had to stop drinking.
But the memory of that Hourglass was so strong, so vivid. Looking at the horizon, now cast in moonlight, couldn’t he see something? A round shimmer? Couldn’t he hear a faint pelting as the Sands fell?
He went back to the bar, paid, got into his car, and drove away. In an instant, he was home. In an instant, it was morning. In an instant, it was night. In an instant, it was Christmas. In an instant, he was retiring. In an instant, he had a stroke.
In an instant, Black Hat, Hank Goldenfield, died.
#
The then, the now, the when, all brought in into one congruous mass, writhing and pulsing as Hank observed his life draining by and the Sands of Time being carried into the perpetual Oblivion.
#
Black Hat came to suddenly, stumbling, eyes all blurred and confused and strained.
“What the hell,” he tried to say, but all that came out was a rasping siren. Where was his mouth? He began to panic, but felt two heartbeats instead of one. Was this hell?
His eyes managed to clear out, but everything was cryptic. He wasn’t staring in any one direction, but all of them at the same time. Black Hat tried to touch his eyes, but he stumbled once he raised his arms, though it didn’t hurt to fall on the floor. Gravity was so much lower. Where the hell was he?
He focused on what was before him.
He was in hell.
Before him were creatures with three flimsy legs but round and fat bodies, bulbous skulls, and two eyes on each side of the head. The plastic-like skin on the creature’s torso had enormous openings filled with what looked like rotten bones.
One of the creatures stopped, and the bone-filled opening moved, uttering that same rasping sound, as if the bones were striking harmonious notes and grinding at the same time.
“Are you okay?” He could understand the creature.
Then it all came to him. His previous life, his family, his daughter, then dying, that writhing mass, being reborn, his mother, his father, his…third parent, his two romantic partners, his offspring—everything.
Everything he had ever held dear would disappear down the drain with the Sands of Time. No matter where he turned, he could see the shimmering silhouette of the Hourglass, in the close distance, taunting him, warning that he had done this to himself, condemned to always remember those he had lost.
Condemned to always knowing he’d lose everyone again.
It’d be impossible to live like this. To jump from one body to the next in the blink of an eye, to feel the Sands shifting to the only place where things can end.
He was simply overthinking. He could think this through, couldn’t he? But it was hard to take it all in—the strange creatures, the strange color of the sun, the strange smell of the air, the strange way light bent and the strange pockets of stronger gravity.
He couldn’t close his eyes, but he found a rocky outcrop that appeared to be shelter; it was encased in darkness. He went in, began to think. What could he do? What had that man—White Hat— said so long and little ago? That he could skip a cycle. That he—
“I thought I’d find you here.”
Even a reality later, that voice was still familiar.
“How are you, Harkilank?”
That must’ve been his name in this reality. He suddenly found himself fueled with rage—more controlled and rational, but rage nonetheless. Black Hat tried to get up and attack White Hat, but he slipped on those thin, noodle-like legs and slowly floated to the ground.
“Yeah, different bodies take some getting used to.”
“What have you done to me? Everyone—“
“Oh, yes. Everyone. Everyone you’d kill. You condemned me to this life, just as I condemned you. But you have the mercy of being able to skip a cycle, while I have to live through them all, so that my family can live. Do you understand the weight of your sins? In every reality you’re a killer, a bloody damned murderer, except when I throw you off the rails.”
“I never asked for this!”
“The Sands of Time don’t care. You’ve touched the Hourglass; you’re doomed to do this.”
The rage was all gone, substituted for a quiet resignation, a flaming sadness and regret. He’d give anything to go back, to be able to know that although his loved ones would one day die, so would he, in perfect acceptance of life and its end.
“Please,” Black Hat said. “Take me out of this misery. There’s got to be a way to put an end to it. Please. Kill me! End me for good. I’m begging you.”
And White Hat smiled. The bone fissure in his side cracked inward, but Black Hat recognized it for a grin. “Of course. I’ve told you this before, just in the last reality, didn’t I? If you sift with the Sands of Time, you are carried to Oblivion.”
“But you said I’d just skip the next cycle, and then I would return! Why! If Oblivion is the only place where things can end, why do I return? Why do you keep going after me!”
White Hat bellowed a laugh that froze the bones of Black Hat’s new body. He grabbed Black Hat with one of its paws and dragged him out of the darkness, into that horrible world.
“How ignorant are you? You think this is the only Hourglass? That one is the one we can see! There exists another Hourglass over this dimension, and another above that one, and another, and all the way up. Each Hourglass has an Oblivion, wiped clean when the dimension above enters the next cycle. A perfect recursion of nothingness.”
“Stop!”
“Don’t. You. See! You’ll be carried to Oblivion now, and I can enjoy a peaceful next reality before you return. And always I have to know that my wife and my son will die, but that if I don’t do anything, they’ll die horribly, crushed by your truck or whatever vehicle you’re in.”
“Stop! Please!”
“You think I don’t want to jump into Oblivion? I can’t. I can’t let them die at your hands in any reality.”
“Just let me go! I’m tired of this. I can’t bear it. Please!” How pathetic he must’ve sounded. But Black Hat was tired, rotten, defeated. He couldn’t bear this. If he could not exist in the next reality, then he’d do whatever he could. If he could afford half of another reality without this…awareness, then he’d embrace the Sands.
“Fine. I’ve seen you suffer enough. Go ahead. Die. End yourself. I’ll see you in two instants anyhow. Before you fall into that nothingness, know that you did this to yourself—and me. I will always hate you. I will always torment you. Know that whatever you do, you can’t reach the higher Hourglass and end it all—I’ve tried. We’re destined for one another.
“The two of us are trapped.”
#
The Hourglass was pristine and clear, looking exactly the same as it had in the previous reality when he had been known as “Hank.”
There was no second thought, no moment of hesitation. White Hat disappeared, and Black Hat touched the Hourglass with his snout. It was cold, but alive and breathing.
He jumped in, traversing the spacetime membrane as if it were a bubble. He was merely giving himself a small mercy—a cycle in which he didn’t exist, a cycle in which he was ignorant of the Hourglass, and the cycle in which he was carried to Oblivion.
The Sands were soft like cotton. Submerged in it, time passed even faster, each breath of his lungs like eons to the universe. Inside it, he didn’t die, but saw everything before the Great Expansion snapped the maximum barrier of entropy and the Hourglass became full.
The bottomless nothing opened up, and the Sands of Time drifted down, carrying him to Oblivion.
And just as he fell, in the imperceptible distance, he saw the shimmering silhouette of the higher Hourglass, so close and yet so far out of his reach.

“Boot the screen, boot the app, boot anything but your brain,” the man in the black hat said. “Boot it all and never open your damn eyes.”
He was catching a few side-looks from the young adults a few tables away, but what did he care? He was right. When he was young, to get away from this decrepit world, people had to get drunk. You’d still be down on Earth, but every bad thing would be tuned down to static. Nowadays, people got their attention spans drunk on those little rectangles of light.
"Jesus, this is ridiculous." The man in the black hat despised his waking days just as much as everyone else, but at least he faced them head-on. No amount of "instant communication" or "social interaction" would ever mask the fact that all these features did was substitute one reality for another. Instead of worrying about failing crops or dwindling jobs, worry about the next trend or the next show.
The man in the black hat banged his glass on the table. “Fill it up,” he told the bartender. “Whiskey, on the rocks.”
“Again? God, Hank, what’s up with you today?” the bartender asked.
“With me? What’s up with me? What the hell’s up with them, John?” The man in the black hat turned to look at all the other clients, each with a shiny screen on their noses.
“They’re not bothering anyone, you know?”
“They’re bothering themselves. They’re hopping to their little world of infinite feeds and crap instead of realizing that this—“he gestured around—“is all our goddamn fault. Running from this world won’t make it disappear.”
The bar’s door opened. A man in a white fedora hat strolled in and sat two seats away from the man in the black hat. “Whiskey. Dry.”
“Coming up,” the bartender replied, then turned back to the man in the black hat. “Hank, perhaps you’re just angry at something else.”
“I am!” He took out his phone and brought it down on the table. “This. This is like a little portal. A little lens you can stick up where the sun don’t shine and pretend everything is okay. My daughter acts like this eve-ry-sin-gle-day! That’s not the real world. I just hoped they’d see that.”
The man in the white hat began to chuckle. He seemed to be a little tipsy already even though he had yet to touch his drink.
“Oh?” the man said. “And you, as you put it, see that?”
“What do you mean?” asked the man in the black hat.
“I mean what I said. You say that these people run to another world. Another reality. Then, you must know what this…reality…is.”
“What the hell do you mean, funny man? You trying to be wise with me?”
“Indeed, I am. I’m looking for someone to talk to, and you appear to be talking about a remarkably interesting thing.”
“I’ll leave you two alone,” the bartender said and turned his focus to the other clients.
“You got a kid who’s always glued to a screen too?” Black Hat asked.
“I don’t, but I know a lot about escaping reality. I know a lot about not-real words, as you mentioned.” White Hat took a sip of his whiskey and scowled. “Nothing is ever as good as the original.”
Black Hat stared at the man with a mix of wonder and creepiness. There was something about the man that betrayed hundreds of layers of falsehood. One thing was for certain: he was not from around these parts.
“Where you from, hey?”
White Hat considered the answer for a long time. “The previous cycles. I’m a kind of traveler, you see?”
Black Hat looked at the man’s glass, smelled his breath. For one thing, White Hat was not drunk. On drugs, perchance?
“Look here, fella, you high or something?”
White Hat snorted and shook his head. “For your lowly brain, I might as well be. How many times do you think we’ve had this interaction? I hope one day you’ll break the cycle, but I don’t think that day is exactly fast-approaching. It’s always the same thing. You see the Sands of Time, you skip a cycle, and then you join the Sands.”
“Huh.” Black Hat went from annoyed to worried. “What are you talking about, man? You one of those Buddhists or something?”
White Hat glanced at the rest of the clients, and continued, “You’re right about one thing. These folks are not living in the ‘real’ world. Not because they’re glued to that technological thing, but because reality is hard to define. What you see and feel and live are very ephemeral objects that pass in an instant. Actually, an infinity of echoing instants. What’s your name now?”
“Hank.” This guy had a screw loose, Black Hat decided. He came to the bar to ramble to the barkeep then enjoy a hazy moment of quietude, not deal with crazy men. Yet he shrugged; it could be interesting to let people like this ramble on.
“Okay, Hank. Tell me, what do you see?”
“A glass, bottles, and you.”
“Good. Look outside the window. What do you see?”
“Blue sky, a few clouds, and the parking lot.”
“And in the distance?” White Hat asked slightly impatiently.
Black Hat was losing his interest. “The sun.”
“Let me explain something to you, Hank, before your attention drifts as I’ve seen happen in other bodies. What you see now is the current cycle. When this one ends, and the next one begins, the universe reboots itself, changing just a little variable here and there. There are some changes between cycles. I’m sure there are cycles in which life never evolves, and I was obviously not there to remember those. But reality changes, though there are things that are always the same. I always find you here, in this bar or a world’s equivalent of it, and at first, you’re always reticent. Then, in the next cycle over, you hate the realization, and decide not to see it anymore. So your soul dies with you in Oblivion. Until everything resets in the higher Hourglass—which I can’t even see—and there you are again.
“Whoa, wait a minute, you’ve done this to me before?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“To save them.”
“Who?”
“If I let you go, you’ll kill my family. In this world, it is called drunk driving. In others, you’re just out of your mind, high on some chemical, and end up killing them. I’ve tried everything, and this is the only thing that works. If I make you see the truth, I can save them.”
Black Hat was getting tipsy. He jumped out of his stool and stood two palms away from White Hat. White Hat stared at him impassively, as if a hundred miles were separating Black Hat’s angry fist from his nose.
“I ain’t killing anybody. I’d know it if I was a killer, and I ain’t one.”
“Believe what you will. No one notices because our memories fade in and out with the Sands of Time. Only if you touched the Hourglass would you remember.”
“What damned hourglass?”
“Ah.” White Hat finally manifested some semblance of emotion, smiling. “I thought you’d never ask. Follow me.”
#
If nothing else, Black Hat’s day was turning out much more interesting than he’d thought possible. He found himself rather liking the stranger, this White Hat wonder. He could only imagine the hit to the head White Hat must’ve taken to get like that.
“Ah,” said White Hat. “It’s so beautiful.”
Black Hat merely squinted at the setting sun, so far beyond the parking lot, trailing deep orange as it lay beyond the ridge of the Earth. “Humm, yes. It is. Pretty.” His feet swayed. Okay, it was possible he was a little drunk.
“You’ve got to trust me, okay?”
“I trust you, brother.”
“You being inebriated actually works to my advantage. You can get into the right mindset more easily. That’s all it takes to save them. This is also a curse for me, you know? I’m saving them, but the eternity passes in an instant. It’s the price to pay for knowing they’re alive and well despite your existence.”
“Hey man, I’m sorry for…whatever.”
“I’ve come to like you, you know, Hank? Before I found the Hourglass, in the wretched first cycle where my awareness came to life, I hated you. Actually, I was the one who killed you then. But killing you never brought them back.” White Hat was silent for a moment. “Being a physicist had its uses. I got to find the Sands, understand their meaning. I could kill you now, and they’d survive, but then I wouldn’t get to see you suffer. That’s what I like the most about you, how you despair once you realize what has always gone on.”
“Jesus, man. You need a shrink. There’s a really good one by the bay. But just to be clear, you’re not gonna kill me, right?”
White Hat smiled. “Of course not. Now, listen to me. What do you see on the horizon?”
“Sky. Grass. Mountains. Sunset.”
“Okay. Look at the sky. Look deeply. I’m telling you, there’s something there that you’re not seeing. Do you believe me?”
“Yes.”
“Now what do you see?”
Black Hat focused hard, and goddamn if he wasn’t seeing a shimmer. “The hell?”
“You’re getting it quick! Good! For your information, it’s an Hourglass. The Hourglass. I don’t know who put her there, and I don’t know who set all the other ones, but something built it. Something built all the others, like a Russian doll, time and reality recursing to an infinitively deep well.”
Black Hat staggered back. His heart began to pound, and his head throbbed as if a force was closing down on his brain.
“Breathe,” White Hat said. “What you’re feeling is not fear. Or at least, it’s not only fear. It is unnatural for our species to see the Hourglass, so there are barriers built within us to resist it. You must push through them. You must see the Hourglass.”
Black Hat closed his eyes and his knees buckled. What was happening to him? Was it the whiskey? No, it wasn’t the drink. This guy must’ve mined his drink, put a little white powder to mess with him. “I don’t want to! Get the hell away from me.”
White Hat slapped him hard, so hard he saw stars and a shimmering light around the edges of his vision, shaped like an hourglass. The image was wrong, somehow. Wrong as if he were staring down at an abyss, or a surgeon ripping out a stomach and cutting it, layer by layer.
Reality was coming undone.
“Get away from me!” He was screaming, Black Hat was sure of it. Screaming, heart pounding so hard and hot his ribcage felt like thin ice.
“Look into it!” White Hat laughed. Black Hat felt hands on his face, and then his eyes were forced open.
Something was blocking the sky. A shimmering and impossible light, both blocking the sun and letting it through, like superimposed layers of the universe’s fabric.
Black Hat wasn’t sure of God, wasn’t sure of mathematics, wasn’t sure of anything. His life had been one constant agnostic fight. But he was absolutely certain of one thing: he wasn’t supposed to see that. Whatever it was, it hadn’t been created for the human mind.
The Hourglass.
His struggles ceased, and he took it all in, comprehending absolute beauty was possible and real.
The bottom half of the Hourglass occupied his view, the upper half disappearing somewhere above the skyline. Translucent sand made crimson by the sunset fell from above. The Hourglass was three-quarters full.
He was afraid. So terribly afraid his heart had calmed down whilst his muscles were stuck in place, rigid as stone, acid as a battery.
Yet he was also fascinated. The Hourglass seemed both far away and close enough to touch, its glass somehow made out of the universe; made of the thin membrane known as both space and time. The membrane was crafted to hold the Sands of Time in, but not to keep anything out.
“Who are you?” asked Black Hat.
“I told you. I’m just me. But you? You are a killer in every single reality. You can call me your guardian angel. I hold you from sin, push you over the brink to save others. This is a gift, in a way.”
White Hat was ignoring the Hourglass; all his attention was on Black Hat. White Hat smiled manically. Finally, he gave up his stare and turned to the Hourglass.
White Hat said, “Do you see? It’s almost full. The Sands of Time never stop falling. Once the Hourglass fills, a new reality is clocked in, but first the Sands disappear down a hole at the bottom towards a place where things really end. Never to come up again. Oblivion, I call it. But there’s a way to retain your memories.”
Black Hat was utterly surrendered to White Hat. He didn’t want to die, to go back to his ignorance. He had to know what lay beyond, how far he could go. Giving this up would mean dying, only to be reborn. He wanted to never need to be reborn. “Tell me. Please!”
“Touch the Hourglass. Your memories will remain fixed to this soul. Come on. Do it!”
What would he see, he wondered then. Would he see God at the end of time, or maybe understand all that God ever was?
A reluctant finger rose towards the thin film of condensed spacetime. It made contact.
#
Black Hat suddenly found himself back at the bar. He looked around, searched in the parking lot, but there was no sign of White Hat or the Hourglass.
He sniffed his whiskey, but it smelled normal. He had never been one to hallucinate, especially not this strongly. He really had to stop drinking.
But the memory of that Hourglass was so strong, so vivid. Looking at the horizon, now cast in moonlight, couldn’t he see something? A round shimmer? Couldn’t he hear a faint pelting as the Sands fell?
He went back to the bar, paid, got into his car, and drove away. In an instant, he was home. In an instant, it was morning. In an instant, it was night. In an instant, it was Christmas. In an instant, he was retiring. In an instant, he had a stroke.
In an instant, Black Hat, Hank Goldenfield, died.
#
The then, the now, the when, all brought in into one congruous mass, writhing and pulsing as Hank observed his life draining by and the Sands of Time being carried into the perpetual Oblivion.
#
Black Hat came to suddenly, stumbling, eyes all blurred and confused and strained.
“What the hell,” he tried to say, but all that came out was a rasping siren. Where was his mouth? He began to panic, but felt two heartbeats instead of one. Was this hell?
His eyes managed to clear out, but everything was cryptic. He wasn’t staring in any one direction, but all of them at the same time. Black Hat tried to touch his eyes, but he stumbled once he raised his arms, though it didn’t hurt to fall on the floor. Gravity was so much lower. Where the hell was he?
He focused on what was before him.
He was in hell.
Before him were creatures with three flimsy legs but round and fat bodies, bulbous skulls, and two eyes on each side of the head. The plastic-like skin on the creature’s torso had enormous openings filled with what looked like rotten bones.
One of the creatures stopped, and the bone-filled opening moved, uttering that same rasping sound, as if the bones were striking harmonious notes and grinding at the same time.
“Are you okay?” He could understand the creature.
Then it all came to him. His previous life, his family, his daughter, then dying, that writhing mass, being reborn, his mother, his father, his…third parent, his two romantic partners, his offspring—everything.
Everything he had ever held dear would disappear down the drain with the Sands of Time. No matter where he turned, he could see the shimmering silhouette of the Hourglass, in the close distance, taunting him, warning that he had done this to himself, condemned to always remember those he had lost.
Condemned to always knowing he’d lose everyone again.
It’d be impossible to live like this. To jump from one body to the next in the blink of an eye, to feel the Sands shifting to the only place where things can end.
He was simply overthinking. He could think this through, couldn’t he? But it was hard to take it all in—the strange creatures, the strange color of the sun, the strange smell of the air, the strange way light bent and the strange pockets of stronger gravity.
He couldn’t close his eyes, but he found a rocky outcrop that appeared to be shelter; it was encased in darkness. He went in, began to think. What could he do? What had that man—White Hat— said so long and little ago? That he could skip a cycle. That he—
“I thought I’d find you here.”
Even a reality later, that voice was still familiar.
“How are you, Harkilank?”
That must’ve been his name in this reality. He suddenly found himself fueled with rage—more controlled and rational, but rage nonetheless. Black Hat tried to get up and attack White Hat, but he slipped on those thin, noodle-like legs and slowly floated to the ground.
“Yeah, different bodies take some getting used to.”
“What have you done to me? Everyone—“
“Oh, yes. Everyone. Everyone you’d kill. You condemned me to this life, just as I condemned you. But you have the mercy of being able to skip a cycle, while I have to live through them all, so that my family can live. Do you understand the weight of your sins? In every reality you’re a killer, a bloody damned murderer, except when I throw you off the rails.”
“I never asked for this!”
“The Sands of Time don’t care. You’ve touched the Hourglass; you’re doomed to do this.”
The rage was all gone, substituted for a quiet resignation, a flaming sadness and regret. He’d give anything to go back, to be able to know that although his loved ones would one day die, so would he, in perfect acceptance of life and its end.
“Please,” Black Hat said. “Take me out of this misery. There’s got to be a way to put an end to it. Please. Kill me! End me for good. I’m begging you.”
And White Hat smiled. The bone fissure in his side cracked inward, but Black Hat recognized it for a grin. “Of course. I’ve told you this before, just in the last reality, didn’t I? If you sift with the Sands of Time, you are carried to Oblivion.”
“But you said I’d just skip the next cycle, and then I would return! Why! If Oblivion is the only place where things can end, why do I return? Why do you keep going after me!”
White Hat bellowed a laugh that froze the bones of Black Hat’s new body. He grabbed Black Hat with one of its paws and dragged him out of the darkness, into that horrible world.
“How ignorant are you? You think this is the only Hourglass? That one is the one we can see! There exists another Hourglass over this dimension, and another above that one, and another, and all the way up. Each Hourglass has an Oblivion, wiped clean when the dimension above enters the next cycle. A perfect recursion of nothingness.”
“Stop!”
“Don’t. You. See! You’ll be carried to Oblivion now, and I can enjoy a peaceful next reality before you return. And always I have to know that my wife and my son will die, but that if I don’t do anything, they’ll die horribly, crushed by your truck or whatever vehicle you’re in.”
“Stop! Please!”
“You think I don’t want to jump into Oblivion? I can’t. I can’t let them die at your hands in any reality.”
“Just let me go! I’m tired of this. I can’t bear it. Please!” How pathetic he must’ve sounded. But Black Hat was tired, rotten, defeated. He couldn’t bear this. If he could not exist in the next reality, then he’d do whatever he could. If he could afford half of another reality without this…awareness, then he’d embrace the Sands.
“Fine. I’ve seen you suffer enough. Go ahead. Die. End yourself. I’ll see you in two instants anyhow. Before you fall into that nothingness, know that you did this to yourself—and me. I will always hate you. I will always torment you. Know that whatever you do, you can’t reach the higher Hourglass and end it all—I’ve tried. We’re destined for one another.
“The two of us are trapped.”
#
The Hourglass was pristine and clear, looking exactly the same as it had in the previous reality when he had been known as “Hank.”
There was no second thought, no moment of hesitation. White Hat disappeared, and Black Hat touched the Hourglass with his snout. It was cold, but alive and breathing.
He jumped in, traversing the spacetime membrane as if it were a bubble. He was merely giving himself a small mercy—a cycle in which he didn’t exist, a cycle in which he was ignorant of the Hourglass, and the cycle in which he was carried to Oblivion.
The Sands were soft like cotton. Submerged in it, time passed even faster, each breath of his lungs like eons to the universe. Inside it, he didn’t die, but saw everything before the Great Expansion snapped the maximum barrier of entropy and the Hourglass became full.
The bottomless nothing opened up, and the Sands of Time drifted down, carrying him to Oblivion.
And just as he fell, in the imperceptible distance, he saw the shimmering silhouette of the higher Hourglass, so close and yet so far out of his reach.